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David Cameron Needs To Change His Advisers. They Are Obviously Working For The Other Side

November 22, 2008

David Cameron Needs To Change His Advisers. They Are Obviously Working For The Other Side We present an article that was posted some time ago on our website and attracted a lot of reader interest.

Who exactly advises Conservative Party leader David Cameron? Because they sure have let him down with their latest absurdity. I could not believe my ears when Cameron, who is not a stupid man, produced one of his most pathetic performances at PM’s Question Time in the House of Commons on Wednesday, October 22.

Here was Gordon Brown, the worst British Prime Minister in modern history, banging on about some effect of the world financial crisis on Britain’s economy and even having the nerve to lecture the Tory front bench  about the importance of ‘exercising judgement’, hinting at the so-called scandal surrounding non-existent donations to the Tories, supposedly ‘solicited’ by George Osborne, the Shadow Chancellor,  from the Russian oligarch, Oleg Deripaska. Yet Cameron didn’t think to ask Brown a very obvious question: how come Peter Mandelson, who is very close to former Prime Minister Tony Blair and in effect always played a key role in running Labour, has not yet been sacked from the cabinet for his gigantic error of judgement? Because Osborne’s so-called ‘sins’ pale into insignificance compared to the ‘mistakes’ committed by Mandelson.

That would have put Brown on the defensive, because he knows perfectly well that Mandelson has put Labour in a very tight spot by his strange behaviour when he was Trade Commissioner in Brussels.

And here’s another thing Cameron should have asked Brown: how come it’s such a big deal when we are talking about a non-existent donation from a Russian billionaire to a political party in opposition – I stress the fact that the Conservatives are in opposition and don’t decide anything – and how come it can be even compared with one of the leading Labour figures, now a cabinet minister, socializing with that same oligarch and the other big boys? I’m really astonished that no one among the Conservatives has raised this issue. It is a crucial issue, by the way. It sort of changes one’s whole perception of things that are happening now.

I’ve heard that there is some mysterious figure advising Cameron, a man with a PR background, who always wears casual clothes, shaves his hair and doesn’t wash regularly or something. So in effect we can deduce that the leader of the Conservative Party is being advised by a left-winger, because a man with conservative views would never allows himself to wear jeans at a party conference, for example. And this man, who avoids being photographed by journalists – I wonder why that is? – has a lot of influence on Cameron and tells him what to say and do.

Interesting, very interesting. I wonder whether that’s the reason why everyone is saying that Cameron is no different from Blair? And I wonder whether that mysterious man with the shaved head had suggested to Cameron that he should model himself on Blair and even say stupid things like: ‘Oh, I wish I could be like Blair.’

Because Blair was not popular for long. He managed to deceive both Labour and Conservatives, since he was of neither persuasion, and did everything possible to stay in power. He had no political views, none at all. He was a man with a huge inferiority complex – just look at his wife – who was terrified of being found out from the day he moved into 10 Downing Street.

Many people saw through him way back in 1997, especially after his disgraceful performance in response to the tragic death of Princess Diana. Remember that embarrassing scene when Blair, voice breaking and hands clasped before him – a sure sign of a pathological liar – called Diana ‘the people’s princess? Remember that day? To call a princess ‘the people’s princess’ is like saying that a woman is both a devoted wife and a hooker.

But Blair was not bright enough to understand that. He was cunning and evil, yes, but he was never bright. He’d heard Diana calling herself a people’s princess once and thought it would go down well with ‘ordinary’ people.

I heard a wonderful remark from a comedian who’s helping me plan the launch of my new comic website, Stirring-Trouble-Everywhere:  ‘If Blair really wanted to leave office while he was still popular, he should have stepped down in 1997.’

Not bad, eh? And that’s the sort of guy who’ll be writing for me. By the way, here’s another brilliant line that he came up: ‘Receding hairline? Can’t get it up any more? You need an Austen Martin.’

But I digress, as the gynaecologist said to the woman patient, zipping up his trousers. What I’m saying here is that Cameron should stop listening to his current advisors. They are no good. I even think that they might be working for the other side. He should sack them and get some serious people on board. Because the General Election is approaching fast and he needs to get his act together before that.

If, by some miracle, I were asked by Cameron to advise him – in my capacity as someone who pulled off the spectacular stunt in 1995 and 1996 of increasing President Boris Yeltsin’s popularity from 3 per cent to around 40 per cent – I would tell him to sack Osborne immediately. I mean, what was he doing by hanging out with Mandelson in Corfu in the first place? And how on earth did he end up attending the meeting of the Bilderberg Group earlier this year, together with the same Mandelson. What is this: a friendship, a love affair, a political alliance? Has Osborne any sense of reality or does he think exactly the same way as he looks?

Out with him immediately, I’d tell Cameron. He is a liability. And I’d suggest dropping several other people from the front bench, like Michael Gove and Theresa May. But I would allow William Hague to step down with dignity, because you don’t – I repeat – you don’t have somebody on the front bench who has presided over a landslide defeat of the party. Hague may be a good man, but he produces the wrong kind of image.

And another thing I would suggest: reinstate David Davis as Shadow Home Secretary. Immediately! He would strike fear into the governing party. As regards the scandal over the donations from Deripaska, I would suggest that Cameron keep cool. There are bound to be more revelations coming. In fact, another Russian oligarch has already been mentioned, one of Deripaska’s competitors, who seems to have been granted permanent rsidence in Britain with remarkable ease.

I wonder how that could have happened.

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