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President Robert Mugabe Has Turned 85 Last Week. The Nation And The Whole World Rejoice

February 26, 2009

President Robert Mugabe Has Turned 85 Last Week. The Nation And The Whole World Rejoice R.F.Wilson writes: That favourite politician of ours, President Robert Mugabe of Zimbabwe, has turned 85 last week. We even held a party at StirringTroubleInternationally to mark the big occasion. No expense was spared. Donations were accepted to help Mr Mugabe continue his struggle against colonial powers and reach that milestone – 30 years in power next year, first as Prime Minister in 1980-1987 and then as President. We even had a banner hanging across the room with the words on it: ‘Come on Mr Mugabe, we know you can do it!’

Say what you will, but President Mugabe looks great for his age. Smooth skinned, with not a wrinkle on his face, very articulate, strong physically, if you consider the way he held on to power despite all attempts to unseat him. We were informed by his office that he keeps in shape by exercising every day in the gym, with a personal trainer, eating healthy foods and generally staying happy, content and incredibly wealthy. We have even heard that Mr Mugabe is probably one of the richest men in Africa, if not the whole world.

What is there not to like, as Sam, our handyman, who calls himself head of StirringTroubleInternationally’s security, would have said.

But the most important thing is that the people of Zimbabwe still love and respect their leader. You should have seen the plans for the mass birthday celebrations that will take place on February 28 in Harare. Thousands of young people will descend on the capital to rejoice and tell their President what wonderful lives they are leading. Even despite the occasional pang of hunger, poverty and mistreatment by the police and the war veterans. No one remembers which war that was, but the veterans are still held in high regard in Zimbabwe and are allowed to take any plot of land they fancy or anybody’s possessions.

We also heard that many countries have already sent messages of congratulations to Mr Mugabe on his birthday, including ones that are publicly critical of him. So it just goes to show that he commands huge respect, not only within his own country but in the world generally. Not every leader can boast of achieving the inflation rate of 5 hextillion per cent per annum – that is 5 with 21 zeroes after it – that turned most of the population into multi- billionaires in a matter of a couple of years.

Eat your heart out Russia! You do not come even close to these sorts of numbers.

There are other important achievements too, like decreasing population, cholera spreading like bushfire, with the number of victims approaching a cool 1,000,000, and corruption reaching astronomical proportions that put leaders in this area like China, India and Brazil to shame,

And yet, the greatest achievement that can be attributed to Mr Mugabe is his cunningness in setting up a unity government with the opposition on the basis of the so-called Global Political Agreement – what a name for a document and what a great guy who came up with the idea! – that has resulted in the President keeping a tight grip on power and yet being seen as flexible and open to compromise. The plan was brilliantly executed: opposition leaders, including Morgan Tsvngari, leader of the Movement for Democratic Change, have been co-opted into power, with no real power given to them, but already they enjoy the trappings of high political office. Villas are being distributed among them as you read this article and chauffer driven limousines are issued to each and every one of them. Generous financial rewards will follow.

And guess what will happen eventually? Eventually the MDC will simply be swallowed by the ruling Zanu-PF party and everyone in government will live happily ever after.

So that is why we send our congratulations to the Old Crocodile, as we lovingly call Mr Mugabe between ourselves, and wish him many happy returns of the day.

Anyone prepared to bet against President Mugabe celebrating 35 years in power?

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