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Pearls Of Wisdom. From The Stirring Trouble Team

August 11, 2009

Today we present more pearls of wisdom from the Stirring Trouble team. It is quite amazing that these otherwise unremarkable people, recovering alcoholics and sex addicts, come up with such brilliant stuff.Next year the Oscar for the best original script will go to people who have invented swine flu.

All of you aspiring writers and journalists: never write anything on a full stomach. Even a letter. Won’t work.

London In August: Smooth talking Russian con-artists, posing as wealthy businessmen, going around offering to invest into projects in Russia.

August in London: Undercover store detectives, too hot to be bothered about shoplifters.

London in August: Rich dimwitted young men from the Middle East, in sports cars, picking up hotties, unaware that these broads are hookers.

August in London: As recession bites more and more middles class families are turning to pickpocketing.

To all you healthy young men who find it sometimes hard to get aroused. Eat 100 grams of sour cream. Wait for 20 min. Proceed.

I said it once and I’ll say it again: 95 per cent of people you meet in business are, at best, timewasters and, at worst, con-artists.

Now let me get this straight: the insurance giant AIG gets $180 billion as bail out from the state and makes $1,82 profit. Pure Marxism.

Bankers of the world, unite! And screw those customers of yours with more vigour. You haven’t got much time left, you punks.

What the governments in the U.S. and Britain do do understand is that if they do not punish the bankers the people will do it for them.

Just like shoes say a lot about a woman a tie says practically everything about a man.

Women in their 40s who have long hair – well below shoulder length – look odd.

Imagine: a police raid in the City of London. Bankers arrested, documents seized, illegal proceeds confiscated. That’s how it should be.

TV companies around the world lay off journalists and technicians but all the useless top directors with their huge salaries stay. Bizarre.

During one of the most crippling recessions in history politicians are all away on holiday. The creeps have no shame.

In central London dozens of mini-cab drivers are women driving good cars. Hubbies have lost their jobs and wives are now earning money.

The Internet is digging its own grave by promoting mediocrity. Anyone who promotes mediocrity eventually crashes.

As people grow older and wiser they, strangely enough, sweat less and smell better. However, if they age and not grow wiser they stink.

Somebody asked as wise man recently: what could be fun for all the family? A bank robbery, he said.

Another thing that can be fun for all the family: selling counterfeit cigarettes.

And another fun thing for all the family to enjoy: not using F-words

Finally, one more thing that could be fun for the whole family: burning Harry Potter books.

According to banking manual there are more way to rip off customers than sexual positions.

Dumb people cannot ever master two things: lovemaking and driving.

The first and most important rule of using the Internet: never discuss members of your family.

Statistics were invented by the ancient Greeks to legitimise lying. But then they were pagans.

Femida, the goddess of justice, has a blindfold. That is no way to run things in court. That is why modern justice is a joke.

Every time someone dies from drinking the devils dances a victory dance. He’s been dancing a lot recently.

People who work out a lot forget one thing: the most important ‘muscle’ in the body is the brain and it has to be exercised all the time.

Keeping a straight face while talking rubbish has become a profession. Just look at all the world leaders.

The one thing that mankind has learnt: all great discoveries usually turn out to be either hoaxes or mistakes.

Capitalism in the 20th century developed into communism without anyone noticing it.

The old Chinese torture of 10,000 cuts has been implemented by China on the West. By flooding it with tens of thousands of badly made goods.

Supporters of assisted suicide do not understand one thing: it will come to haunt them.

Elected politicians should all first spend time in jail. So that they know what can happen to them if they get caught stealing public money.

The problem with pop music is that it now resembles the sound of a construction site.

– End –

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