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Of Newspapers. And Hangovers

How come so many newspapers publish so much irrelevent stuff? OK, most of them inform about events and tell you who said what and when, but they very rarely offer any decent analysis or comment, do they? In fact, most of the time they come up with absolutely preposterous explanations and give the stupidest of reasons for some of the things that have taken place.

I often glance through articles in newspapers and I find on many occasions that the people who wrote them have no idea of what they are talking about. And the worst thing of all is that there are many readers out there, who actually treat all this rubbish as if it were some serious reporting. Because they seem to think that anyone, who writes in newspapers, know things.

I’m sorry to disappoint you, but it is not the case at all. In fact, most of these hacks know very little about the real world. Some of them were researchers in the past, who got it into thir heads that they can be journalists. They sit in their offices and read what other people have written or watch the box and then come up with idiotic articles on the basis of some documentaries or TV news bulletins.

And it often happens that hacks, who boast of having ‘political connections’ and who pretend to know what is happening behind the scenes, are actually as uninformed about the general public is. At worst, they report known facts and quote some unexistent ’sources’ and, at best, they are being fed rubbish by some government spin doctors, who would never reveal any of the secrets that may actually damage their masters. These spin doctors are not mad; why would they bite the hand that feeds them?

This is why most of the so-called ‘leaks’ that you hear so much about in the press result in absolutely nothing. Leaks have very rarely to do anything with revelations made for the benefit of the public. They are mostly about disinformation, internal politics, spin and battle for power.

That is how governments across the world did whatever they wanted to for the last fifty or sixty years. They have been misleading their people through the media. Because most people believe what they read in newspapers and watch on TV and hear on the radio. Clever, intelligent people, who are quite sensible in everyday life, become unbelievably naive and stupid when they consume their daily dose of the news.

And yet, it is often so blatantly obvious that most of the things that are reported in the media nowadays are total rubbish. I regularly glance through leading newspapers from all other the world and I am absolutely astonished to see the level of ignorance and basis lack of any knowledge that many writers demonstrate. Where do these hacks get their ideas from? With very few exceptions they seem to exist in a fantasy world that has nothing to do with reality and common sense.  And, as I said already, there are millions of willing people out there, who treat it as serious news.

So that you know, journalists are generally divided into three major categories. First of all, there are the hacks who are totally uninformed. They simply report about events and, either state the obvious or come up with the most ridiculous explanations. Secondly, there are hacks, who are prepared to suck up to any big interests, including political rulers, in the hope of compensating their lack of talent by having support at the very top. And, thirdly, there are big names in journalism, who know things but are not that keen on sharing them with the rest of the world. They occasionally give hints that people in the know pick up, but they very rarely call a spade a spade. They hover over the edges of the truth, pretending to be controversial once in a while, but never really upsetting anyone powerful.

All the three categories of hacks, with very few exeptions, toe the party line. And what would the name of this party be, you may wonder. The name of this party is Political Correctness and it is probably the most powerful party in the history of mankind. It has been around for thousands of years, disappearing and then reappearing again, and is much more powerful than, say, the former Communist Party of the Soviet Union has ever been.

And that was one powerful Party, I can tell you that. I have known some of the top people in it, just as I have known some of the top people in its division that was in charge of intimidation, torture and murder – the KGB. ‘Known’ as in being on the wrong side from them.

But the communists still had their limitations – they could not spread their ideology all over the world, and even people living inside the Soviet Union were resisting it, eventually bringing it down.

With PC it is different. PC is the ultimate form of censorship. It has been adopting different forms and appearances and stands for much more than most people think. It has poisoned the education system, science, medicine, entertainment, arts, literature, politics and, of course, the media.

And the most damaging thing about PC is that it attacks decency. That has always been the whole point of PC and that’s how it had been intended since time immemorial. It has been the cause of practically all the most devastating social upheavals in the world, including the Bolshevik coup in Russia in 1917 that later resulted in tens of millions being slaughtered.

So the devastating track record of PC is quite long and impressive.

You may think that I am exaggerating and that political correctness has helped to fight prejudice and hatred. No, it has not. It fostered them, but in a very cunning and treacherous way. Like a paedophile, who pretends that he likes children and gives them sweets and is prepared sometimes to be nice to them for a long time, before finally striking, PC is first presented as something very positive and helpful and only then reveals itself to be full of hatred and evil.

So that you know, the Bolsheviks were very politically correct in Russia in 1917, before butchering millions. And the Nazis initially said all the right things in the 1930s, before unleashing a campaign of murder against the Jews and the Slavs.

So what I am trying to say here is that the press nowadays has been blinded, tied up and confused by PC and needs to drag itself out of this horrible swamp. But for that to happen you, the readers, must also change and try to distinguish between real news and comment and something that has nothing to do with news and comment and is mostly generated by ignorance, flattery and fear of upsetting others.

But then again, who are we, at StirringTroubleInternationally, to lecture anyone on what news is all about? We are a humorous website, right? We laugh at things. So that is why in the spirit of lightheartedness let me tell something about a subject that is close to everyone’s heart: hangovers.

So much nonsense has been written about battling hangovers. The advice has been diverse: from eating a lot the next morning to having a hair-of-a-dog cocktail and taking vitamins and drinking olive oil. And taking aspirins, and having sex, and starting to drink all over again. That last method, by the way, is called alcoholism.

We, Russians, know a lot about hangovers. We are practically born with hangovers and are very good in getting them. So we know that there are only two methods that work against hangovers: one, you do not drink at all. Works all the time. Trust me, I know. Two: If you are desperate to get drunk, then you should only drink top quality liquor, or the best of wines. And you do not mix them with either each other or with beer and, especially, champaign.

Top quality alcohol very rarely produces hangovers. You really have to consume a lot – and I mean a lot – to develop one in the morning. So if you want to avoid a hangover during this festive season treat yourself to some top quality stuff. Or, even better, have a good time and lay off the booze completely.

Now that might make a nice story in some newspaper.

– End –

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