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We Present More Breaking News. Sponsored By The CIA

Today we present a new selection of breaking news items from the Stirring Trouble team. Sponsored by the Central Intelligence Agency. Of Mongolia. These people do a lot to keep others occupied.

Breaking News: American Right says it has no plans to go religious. We are not mad, it says.Breaking News: Having committed suicide, three times in a row, a failed former presidential hopeful Howard Dean says he has had enough of it.

Breaking News: Hollywood accepts that it is left-wing. On weekdays.

Breaking News: U.S. President Barack Obama reveals that he still cannot believe it. A black man in the White House. Remarkable, he says.

Breaking News: The U.S. Federal Reserve goes private.

Breaking News: U.S. Secretary of State Hillary Clinton writes a letter to herself, praising herself for the good work she does.

Breaking News: U.S. Vice President Joe Biden says that he always thought that the phrase ‘taking the piss’ meant taking a urine sample to the doctor’s.

Breaking News: People who watch Family Guy regularly are idiots, say its makers. Just like we are.

Breaking News: Wall Street announces that it is moving to Nigeria. They like money there more, it says. Plus, they are all white.

Breaking News: Members of NATO say that they want to join some other alliance.

Breaking News: American made condoms are the best, survey among prostitutes around the world proves.

Breaking News: White House declares August the best month not to take vitamins.

Breaking News: Speaker Nancy Pelosey accepts that she might have overdone it.

Breaking News: British pop sensation, Tom Jones, says he is getting no younger. Screaming during sex has taken a strain on my voice, he says.

Breaking News: Speaking to stirringtroubleinternationally Sarah Palin she will perform striptease. If the price is right.

Breaking News: Makers of The Wire say that their series is a protest against drug taking.

Breaking News: UN General Secretary, Ban Ki-moon, in an interview to stirringtroubleinternationally, says that he is well endowed. Too well, actually, he says.

Breaking News: The Chinese military say that they plan to attack China. For kicks.

Breaking News: The Kremlin announces that Russian President Dmitry Medvedev has recorded an album of sexual taunts.

Breaking News: For the first time ever Hollywood produces a film that makes sense.

Breaking News: British government says that Tony Blair, the former Prime Minister, has officially become a freemason.

Breaking News: British Foreign Secretary, David Miliband, conducts his own foreign policy.

Breaking News: Chinese scientists discover that men think about intercourse. In a good, positive way. Unlike women.

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Breaking News: Indian government says it is looking north, south, east and west but cannot find the money anywhere.

Breaking News: Mexican drug cartels call on UN to introduce an International Drug Day.

Breaking News: During an interview with stirringtroubleinternationally Russian Defence minister resigns.

Breaking News: Russian Prime Minister Vladimir Putin poses nude. For President Dmitry Medvedev.

Breaking News: Afghan President Hamid Karzai says that drugs are not good for people.

Breaking News: People hiding from the law in Monte Carlo stage a mass demo against medical testing. On bank accounts.

Breaking news: Several members of the Russian launch a trade union.

Breaking News: North Korea reveals that its leader Kim Jong-Il wears panties and a bra.

Breaking News: I never knew that the United States were only 90 miles from us, Cuban President Raul Castro says. Until my dead brother Fidel told me about is.

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Breaking News: The Russian takes dancing lessons.

Breaking News: Scotland Yard says that it got its name from a yard in Scotland.

Breaking News: Tony Blair says that he is thinking of becoming a lecturer.

Breaking News: Thailand is desperate for tourists who take drugs and sleep with hookers, its government says.

Breaking News: Pakistani government says that it has more people than it needs.

Breaking news: French sailors are hotties, says a man posing as the Malaysian Defence Minister.

Breaking News: British Prime Minister Gordon Brown will not be coming back from holiday, 10 Downing Street says. Ever.

Breaking News: On the eleventh day of the UN sponsored international conference on poverty in Monte Carlo things are said that are offensive to poor people.

Breaking News: Somali pirates launch a nuclear submarine.

Breaking News: The International Federation of Idiots says it’s nuts.

Breaking news: The Kremlin denies that Russian President Dmitry Medvedev is hot.

Breaking News: The Republic of Ireland’s government says that will dig a hole and bury itself in it.

Breaking News: Chinese scientists discover that China has no limits. None at all.

Breaking News: Spanish Prime Minister Zapatero says that he sometimes wishes he was an illegal immigrant. Living in Britain.

Breaking News: Australian government says that it has no idea how big Australia is.

Breaking News: Italian Prime Minister Silvio Berlusconi releases a new single called, I Know Nothing.

Breaking News: Israeli government says that it will look at Palestinians with a twinkle in the eye.

Breaking News: Zimbabwean President Robert Mugabe denies that he is gay.

Breaking News: The Sudanese regime rents out its country to the UN.

Breaking News: On the seventh day of the international conference of loan sharks in Moscow credit cards are exchanged.

Breaking News: Ukrainian Prime Minister, Ms Yulia Timoshenko, says that she will not allow some people to imagine her naked.

Breaking News: South African President Jacob Zuma releases an album of songs that he did not sing and never heard of before.

Breaking News: Kazakhstan’s President, Nursultan Nazarbaev, says he carries gun.

Breaking News: Russian state press agency, ITAR-TASS, formerly known as TASS, denies rumours that stirringtroubleinternationally has taken it over.

Breaking News: The World Health Organisation blows money like there is no tomorrow.

Breaking News: CNN announces that half of its presenters are human.

Breaking News: American pop sensation, Dolly Parton, says she wants to be known for her huge breasts, not for her music.

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