We Present More Breaking News. Sponsored By The CIA

August 22, 2009

Today we present a new selection of breaking news items from the Stirring Trouble team. Sponsored by the Central Intelligence Agency. Of Mongolia. These people do a lot to keep others occupied.

Breaking News: American Right says it has no plans to go religious. We are not mad, it says.Breaking News: Having committed suicide, three times in a row, a failed former presidential hopeful Howard Dean says he has had enough of it.

Breaking News: Hollywood accepts that it is left-wing. On weekdays.

Breaking News: U.S. President Barack Obama reveals that he still cannot believe it. A black man in the White House. Remarkable, he says.

Breaking News: The U.S. Federal Reserve goes private.

Breaking News: U.S. Secretary of State Hillary Clinton writes a letter to herself, praising herself for the good work she does.

Breaking News: U.S. Vice President Joe Biden says that he always thought that the phrase ‘taking the piss’ meant taking a urine sample to the doctor’s.

Breaking News: People who watch Family Guy regularly are idiots, say its makers. Just like we are.

Breaking News: Wall Street announces that it is moving to Nigeria. They like money there more, it says. Plus, they are all white.

Breaking News: Members of NATO say that they want to join some other alliance.

Breaking News: American made condoms are the best, survey among prostitutes around the world proves.

Breaking News: White House declares August the best month not to take vitamins.

Breaking News: Speaker Nancy Pelosey accepts that she might have overdone it.

Breaking News: British pop sensation, Tom Jones, says he is getting no younger. Screaming during sex has taken a strain on my voice, he says.

Breaking News: Speaking to stirringtroubleinternationally Sarah Palin she will perform striptease. If the price is right.

Breaking News: Makers of The Wire say that their series is a protest against drug taking.

Breaking News: UN General Secretary, Ban Ki-moon, in an interview to stirringtroubleinternationally, says that he is well endowed. Too well, actually, he says.

Breaking News: The Chinese military say that they plan to attack China. For kicks.

Breaking News: The Kremlin announces that Russian President Dmitry Medvedev has recorded an album of sexual taunts.

Breaking News: For the first time ever Hollywood produces a film that makes sense.

Breaking News: British government says that Tony Blair, the former Prime Minister, has officially become a freemason.

Breaking News: British Foreign Secretary, David Miliband, conducts his own foreign policy.

Breaking News: Chinese scientists discover that men think about intercourse. In a good, positive way. Unlike women.

————————————————–

Breaking News: Indian government says it is looking north, south, east and west but cannot find the money anywhere.

Breaking News: Mexican drug cartels call on UN to introduce an International Drug Day.

Breaking News: During an interview with stirringtroubleinternationally Russian Defence minister resigns.

Breaking News: Russian Prime Minister Vladimir Putin poses nude. For President Dmitry Medvedev.

Breaking News: Afghan President Hamid Karzai says that drugs are not good for people.

Breaking News: People hiding from the law in Monte Carlo stage a mass demo against medical testing. On bank accounts.

Breaking news: Several members of the Russian launch a trade union.

Breaking News: North Korea reveals that its leader Kim Jong-Il wears panties and a bra.

Breaking News: I never knew that the United States were only 90 miles from us, Cuban President Raul Castro says. Until my dead brother Fidel told me about is.

*

Breaking News: The Russian takes dancing lessons.

Breaking News: Scotland Yard says that it got its name from a yard in Scotland.

Breaking News: Tony Blair says that he is thinking of becoming a lecturer.

Breaking News: Thailand is desperate for tourists who take drugs and sleep with hookers, its government says.

Breaking News: Pakistani government says that it has more people than it needs.

Breaking news: French sailors are hotties, says a man posing as the Malaysian Defence Minister.

Breaking News: British Prime Minister Gordon Brown will not be coming back from holiday, 10 Downing Street says. Ever.

Breaking News: On the eleventh day of the UN sponsored international conference on poverty in Monte Carlo things are said that are offensive to poor people.

Breaking News: Somali pirates launch a nuclear submarine.

Breaking News: The International Federation of Idiots says it’s nuts.

Breaking news: The Kremlin denies that Russian President Dmitry Medvedev is hot.

Breaking News: The Republic of Ireland’s government says that will dig a hole and bury itself in it.

Breaking News: Chinese scientists discover that China has no limits. None at all.

Breaking News: Spanish Prime Minister Zapatero says that he sometimes wishes he was an illegal immigrant. Living in Britain.

Breaking News: Australian government says that it has no idea how big Australia is.

Breaking News: Italian Prime Minister Silvio Berlusconi releases a new single called, I Know Nothing.

Breaking News: Israeli government says that it will look at Palestinians with a twinkle in the eye.

Breaking News: Zimbabwean President Robert Mugabe denies that he is gay.

Breaking News: The Sudanese regime rents out its country to the UN.

Breaking News: On the seventh day of the international conference of loan sharks in Moscow credit cards are exchanged.

Breaking News: Ukrainian Prime Minister, Ms Yulia Timoshenko, says that she will not allow some people to imagine her naked.

Breaking News: South African President Jacob Zuma releases an album of songs that he did not sing and never heard of before.

Breaking News: Kazakhstan’s President, Nursultan Nazarbaev, says he carries gun.

Breaking News: Russian state press agency, ITAR-TASS, formerly known as TASS, denies rumours that stirringtroubleinternationally has taken it over.

Breaking News: The World Health Organisation blows money like there is no tomorrow.

Breaking News: CNN announces that half of its presenters are human.

Breaking News: American pop sensation, Dolly Parton, says she wants to be known for her huge breasts, not for her music.

– End -

Related posts:

  1. Breaking News: Prime Minister Vladimir Putin Has A Kinky Secret

    It’s not official but it’s bound to be true: Russian Prime Minister Vladimir Putin is a romantic and a softie at heart, but is not...

  2. Transition Of Power In Russia: All In The Best Possible Taste

    The bizarre process of transition of power in Russia continues. We now learn that the outgoing head of state, Vladimir Putin, is going to be...

  3. Stirring Trouble On Sky News: Why Do Russian Oligarchs Mix With Western Politicians?

    [flv w=420 h=340]http://www.stirringtroubleinternationally.com/video/nekrassovskyinterview.flv[/flv] I have been contributing to Sky News for the last fifteen years at least. It is one of the best TV news...

Would you like to add a comment?