More Breaking News. From The Stirring Trouble Team
September 30, 2009
Today we present a new selection of spoof breaking news, brought to you by the Stirring Trouble team.Breaking News: Pharmaceutical giant Pfizer, maker of Viagra, promises a free erection to every Irishman who will vote ‘yes’ in the forthcoming referendum on the EU Lisbon treaty. Breaking News: Irish Prime Minister Brian Cowen, the face of the ‘Yes’ campaign in the referendum on the Lisbon treaty, says that just because he looks like an alcoholic does not mean that he IS one. Breaking News: The European Commission denies reports that it has given Ireland so much money to approve the Lisbon treaty that it has gone bankrupt. Breaking News: Leading Hollywood directors add their voices to the call by the International Union of Child Molesters to free Roman Polanski after his arrest...
I am Challenging The Archbishop Of Canterbury To A Public Debate. In Oxford
September 30, 2009
I have decided to challenge the Archbishop of Canterbury, Rowan Williams, to take part in a public debate with me in front of an audience, preferably of young people, in any place in London. I am going to prove to everyone that the Archbishop got it all wrong in his book about the great Russian writer, Fyodor Dostoevsky, called Language, Faith and Fiction. I simply cannot understand how a supposedly great theologian and a huge intellect like Williams could have misunderstood one of the greatest writers in the world. Did he read Dostoevsky’s books carefully or did he just glance through them? Because by the looks of things he is not very familiar with their content. And another weird thing: how come Archbishop Williams dedicates his book, with ‘gratitude and affection’, to the...
The BBC Should Offer Me To Replace Jonathan Ross. Because I’m Better On TV
September 30, 2009
The BBC should ask me to replace Jonathan Ross and host BBC1’s evening chat show on Friday evenings. Why? Because I am much better doiung comedy stuff, I am more intelligent and I have things to say that would interest viewers. Ross has been getting away with his mediocre performances for too long. The BBC should be ashamed that it is using some third-rate entertainer to host a programme at prime time on Friday. His sense of humour is primitive and he has been resorting to toilet jokes and foul language to attract the attention of the lowest common denominator. Intelligent people do not watch his programmes. There bore them to death. Are there any more reasons why I would be better than Ross? First of all, and I am not saying this lightly, practically anyone could be better than Ross....
China Goes On Parade. Nothing Is Left to Chance
September 30, 2009
Martin McCauley writes: The military parade marking the 60th anniversary of the People’s Republic of China on October 1 will be the greatest and most impressive ever assembled. The Chinese press has reported already that 52 new weapons systems will be on display on 30 vehicles and in 12 air formations. New uniforms will be worn and newly painted equipment will be on show.The parade will include elements of all Chinese forces, not merely the People’s Liberation Army (PLA). The loyalty of the armed forces is pledged to the Communist Party of China, not the state. The main mission of these forces, according to President Hu Jintao, is to protect and defend the leading role of the party. Every formation, except for the guard of honour, will be headed by two high ranking officers on two...
Terrorism: It Has Got Nothing To Do With Religion. Any Religion
September 30, 2009
I have to tell you something about terrorism that you probably do not know: it has got nothing to do with religion. Any religion. It is all about battling for political power and by killing and terrorising people. Mostly innocent people. Please, explain, I hear my readers demanding. And how the hell do you know, I also hear a lone voice of some rude punk questioning my authority. (We do get an occasional plain and simple person infiltrating our readership.) The thing is that I have studied terrorism in my college years, while reading Russian history. So that you know, Russia was the first country in the world where organised terrorism developed in the 19th century. Russian terrorists produced their own manuals for their members and toyed around with ideology a bit. But they never claimed to...
Breaking News. From The Stirring Trouble Team
September 29, 2009
Today we present a new selection of spoof breaking news, brought to you by the Stirring Trouble team.Breaking News: International Union of Child Molesters says that film director Roman Polanski is a victim of injustice. He did what any member of our union would have done in his position, IUCM says. Breaking News: European Union comes out with a report on the war between Russia and Georgia last year and insists that it needs to see an exact rerun of events to establish who was to blame. Breaking News: U.S. President Barack Obama reveals that he is flying to Copenhagen this week to pitch for Chicago to host the 2016 Olympics, and watch some eye-popping hot Danish porn. Breaking News: White House admits that despite widespread fraud and vote rigging during the recent presidential election in Afghanistan...
In The Game Of Brinkmanship Iran Holds An Ace: The Strait of Hormuz
September 29, 2009
Martin McCauley writes: Iranian President Mahmoud Ahmadinejad, addressing recently the UN General Assembly, roared his defiance of America and the West. His main message was that the Iranian people would resist any attempts to bully them into submission. He also made clear that Iran has the right to pursue its civillian nuclear ambitions, irrespective of what the international community thinks about it. Iran holds an ace which was not mentioned in Ahmadinejad’s speech. Tehran has already made it clear that it will block the Strait of Hormuz if any attempt is made to attack it. This is the strategic waterway between the Gulf of Oman and the Persian Gulf. The commander of Iran’s Revolutionary Guards has warned that in the event of an attack on Iran it has the capability to close...
Gordon Brown’s Speech At The Labour Party Conference Was A Disgrace
September 29, 2009
R.F.Wilson writes: Let me tell you something about left-wing parties: it has always been the case that when socialists were in power in Europe, sensible economics and fiscal discipline were thrown out of the window, the interests of the majority of people were ignored, poverty always got worse and crime levels went through the roof. And it was only once elections would approach that these left-wing hypocrites would start to declare their readiness to improve the economy, help the sick and the poor, fight crime and generally make life better. Left-wing politicians would never accept that their own policies contribute to the economic woes, to the growing gap between the rich and the poor, to the moral collapse and the rise of crime and disorder. The Left’s tendency to waste money on social...
On Eating Out: The Secrets Of A Good Restaurant
September 29, 2009
Adam Lovejoy writes: I would like to say something right from the start that would probably surprise a lot of you out there. Especially in places where eating out amounts to an important ritual. So here goes: good restaurants are not about food alone. Or rather, good restaurants are not about food at all. I expect that many of you are now puzzled, bewildered, confused. How can good restaurants, some of you are probably asking, be not about food? What else can they be about? Let me explain. Strange as it may seem, but good restaurants – and we are talking here about proper restaurants and not junk food joints and cheap eateries – are mostly about the atmosphere, or the vibe, as our editor, Alexander Nekrassov calls it. If the vibe in a restaurant is not good, even the best of food...
Breaking News. From The Stirring Trouble Team
September 28, 2009
Today we present another selection of breaking news items from the Stirring Trouble team. Makes life a bit easier on a Monday.Breaking News: International Union of Child Molesters denounces the arrest of famous film director Roman Polanski in Switzerland as barbaric and inhumane. Breaking News: Roman Polanski says that as paedophiles are a minority he considers himself to be a victim of racism. Breaking News: Hollywood issues a statement saying that it stands firmly behind arrested film director Roman Polanski. We know exactly how he feels, Hollywood moguls say. Breaking News: French government says that it views Roman Polanski as a victim of a cunning 13-year old temptress, who seduced him and then dumped him. Breaking News: Iran’s military deny that the missiles they have tested wiped...
Advertisements
We present a parody on life behind the Kremlin walls
Make sure you read everything...
Please make sure that you read all of our back catalogue of articles!
Recommended Sites
Previous posts
- Winning Hearts And Minds In Afghanistan. Even When They’re Detached From The Bodies
- President Ahmadinejad Reveals Iran’s Official Policy
- A Cynical Look At Life In Britain. And The Stiff Upper Lip
- As The British Press Sells Its Soul To The Devil, We Go Behind The Scenes Of One Newspaper
- From Now On The Met Office Will Express Doubt About Its Own Forecasts
- Pearls Of Wisdom. From The Stirring Trouble Team
- Live Coverage Of The Oscars Proves A Huge Hit. With Dozens Of People
- More Breaking News. From The Stirring Trouble Team
- Mossad Is Thinking Of Going Public. As A Plc
- Who Cares About Elvis Or Who Killed John Kennedy? Aliens Are Running Things Here
- TV Debates Between Party Leaders Will Include Product Placements
- Band Aid: Sir Bob And Friends Do Some Soul Searching
- More Breaking News. From The StirringTrouble Team
- President Zuma: The Man With The Plan
- The New Rich Have No Style, No Class, No Taste. No Anything
- Pearls Of Wisdom: From The Sirring Trouble Team
- About One Pine Tree. And Global Warming Written All Over It
- More Breaking News Items. From The Stirring Trouble Team
- BBC Cuts Costs: It’s Taking The Piss, But Not As We Know It
- A Case Of One Madman Blowing All The Money
- More Breaking News. From The Stirring Trouble Team
- Climate Change Myth Is Causing Panic. Even Among Climate Change Biggest Fans
- Political Correctness Is Dangerous For Your Health, Study Shows
- Binge Drinking: Who Says It Ain’t Cool?
- Political Weather Forecasts. A New Rage In Britain?
- White House Looks For A Quick Fix. And Finds It
- More Breaking News. From The Stirring Trouble Team
- Kim Jong Il Finds A Solution To North Korea’s Problems
- Gordon Brown Will Face Tough Questions When He Appears Before The Chilcot Inquiry
- What Tiger Could Have Said To The World. But Didn’t
Categories
Archives
- March 2010
- February 2010
- January 2010
- December 2009
- November 2009
- October 2009
- September 2009
- August 2009
- July 2009
- June 2009
- May 2009
- April 2009
- March 2009
- February 2009
- January 2009
- December 2008
- November 2008
- October 2008
- September 2008
- August 2008
- July 2008
- June 2008
- May 2008
- April 2008
- March 2008
- January 2008