Today, dear readers of Stirring Trouble Internationally, I would like to give the podium, so to speak, to my butler George, who is a great authority on fashion, having been dating models in his younger days and having been mixing with some designers, for some strange reasons that I have not been told about. George has a good sense of understanding of clothes and often gives sound advice to people, who tend to dress like clowns, lunatics or prostitutes, and then not understand why people around them do not treat them seriously.
Today we present to you fourteen fashion tips for mature men, dictated to me by butler George. Although I have to say that some young men might be wise to read these tips carefully and remember them.
TipN1: Never-ever wear a dark suit with brown or grey shoes. A dark suit only goes with black shoes.
TipN2: Never-ever wear a striped tie with a striped shirt. Only men with no taste do that. And provincial politicians, local officials and TV presenters of left-wing orientation.
TipN3: Avoid wearing striped suits with striped shirts. This never looks good. We are talking here about distinct stripes that you can see clearly. Barely visible stripes are a completely different matter.
Tip N4: Never wear bright coloured suits outside spring and summer. You will always look out of place and resemble women, who wear white shoes in the winter time and look like provincial hookers.
TipN5: Always wear a wide tie, as narrow ties make you look like cardsharps or other dodgy characters. A wide tie makes a man look confident. Never wear ties that have silly ornaments on them or large images of objects and living creatures. Ties should be of one colour, preferably in different shades of blue or brown. Although red and yellow ties of certain shades can be great on some occasions.
TipN6: Do not overdress in flashy coloured garments. Do not look like a parrot, or a holiday maker from a cheap seaside resort.
TipN7: Once you hit 40, start wearing jackets on all occasions. By this age you just would not have the proper physique to get away with wearing T-shirts, polo-shirts and silly casual denim shirts. Wear a shirt and a casual jacket when you are outside the office.
TipN8: Men over 40, and preferably earlier, should never wear running shoes as casual footwear. You will look like dimwits in running shoes. Please, there are many types of soft leather casual shoes that fit all occasions. Do not copy drug dealers and street gang members. No man over 40 has ever looked proper in running shoes.
TipN9: Men over 40 should avoid wearing blue jeans or risk looking like wankers. They should also fight the temptation of wearing blue jeans along with cowboy boots. That is the pits of men’s fashion. That is like wearing a T-shirt with the sign: ‘I’m an old idiot and I can’t get it up properly.’
TipN10: Avoid clashing colours. If you are colour blind and have no feel for colours stick to conservative blue, brown or grey with the shirts and ties, if you are wearing suits, adding the colour scream to the overall appearance.
TipN11: If you are over 40, avoid wearing three button suits. They make most men, even young ones, look like pimps or waiters. No offence to pimps, of course. Two button suit makes all men look slimmer. And more intelligent.
TipN12: Always wear comfortable underwear that is not too tight. Tight underwear might produce the same effect as constant cycling does to males. A bad effect.
TipN13: Avoid following fashion religiously. You will look stupid, as a lot of men’s fashion IS stupid.
TipN14: Do remember that when you hit 40, what you wear becomes less important. It is what you say that starts to matter more. So before you reach 40, read as much as you can. It will save you so much money on the clothes that you will otherwise have to buy to impress everyone around.
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