The BBC Should Offer Me To Replace Jonathan Ross. Because I’m Better On TV

September 30, 2009

The BBC should ask me to replace Jonathan Ross and host BBC1’s evening chat show on Friday evenings. Why? Because I am much better doiung comedy stuff, I am more intelligent and I have things to say that would interest viewers.

Ross has been getting away with his mediocre performances for too long. The BBC should be ashamed that it is using some third-rate entertainer to host a programme at prime time on Friday. His sense of humour is primitive and he has been resorting to toilet jokes and foul language to attract the attention of the lowest common denominator. Intelligent people do not watch his programmes. There bore them to death.

Are there any more reasons why I would be better than Ross? First of all, and I am not saying this lightly, practically anyone could be better than Ross. Secondly, I would not suck up to my guests and ask them stupid questions. Thirdly, I am better looking than Ross, although practically anyone would look better on screen than Ross. Fourthly, I pronounce all the letters of the alphabet, which is a great advantage when you are a broadcaster. And fifthly, as they say in Russia, how did you like my first four points?

I also think that the BBC owes me a favour. They owe me a lot of money that they did not pay me for my interviews in the past. Not to mention that they did not pay me properly in my days on BBC Radio Five Live, when I helped to push up their ratings and had an army of fans. They owe me many thousands. So it would only be fair that they compesate my losses now by giving me the TV show on Friday night. Not to mention that I would not demand the outrageous salary that Ross is getting and not use my own production company to make the show like he does.

It is still a mystery why on earth anyone would be paying Ross so much money. I think that the people at the BBC, who had approved the deal with Ross, should be all sacked. And an independent investigation should be conducted to establish how this contract could have been agreed in the first place. This is public money we are talking about. It is absurd that anyone should be paid millions for a very average performance from the public purse.

I would, of course, make the show completely different from what it is now. It would not have a silly group singing in the background because that is the format that every other talk show uses in America. An Evening With Alexander Nekrassov on BBC1 would have a bit of current news, presented in the same humorous way as we do it on Stirring Trouble, and it would have some really good stand-up comedy, some really great guests, who would have something worthwhile to say, and some fresh musical talent, not just boring and overrated mainstream bands and performers. And it would have a quick competition at the end of every show, enabling people in the audience to win a brand new car or a holiday of a lifetime.

But most importantly, it would have a presenter who would do his best to make the evening entertaining for viewers without constantly promoting himself. With Ross, it is all about ‘Me, me, me’. Yet there is nothing about him that anyone really wants to know. Because he is shallow and unintelligent. And he still does not understand what all the fuss was about with his obscene phone prank on the radio that he came up with that idiot, Russell Brand. He just does not get it that it is unacceptable to offend people on air.

I think that An Evening With Alexander Nekrassov would be much more entertaining and have higher ratings than Ross’s current abysmal show. What do you think?

– End –

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