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Of Things That Most People Do. And Are Afraid To Admit It

Dan Majestic writes: You would never guess which occupation is the most popular and widespread in the whole wide world.

Hundreds of millions of people are involved in it every day, devoting endless hours to it. There is a lot of acting involved and a lot of effort going into it, to achieve a high level of authenticity. Some people start doing it early in the morning, before they leave home, continue to do it at their workplace, sometimes throughout the whole working day, and then, when they come back home after a busy day, they could be still at it.

Go on, have a guess before everything is revealed here. What do many people do that sometimes takes more energy out of them than their direct responsibilities at work? Could it be chatting to others? Well, it is not that massively widespread, chatting at work, is it? And it does not take that much effort, does it? So no, it is not that.

Eating? Nope, because most people do not eat all day, do they? Although there are, of course, individuals who chew something most of the time, but it is not that widespread a phenomenon at the work place.

Thinking about sex? Nope, because it does not really involve that much of an effort and even if we believe all that so-called scientific research that claims that fascination with sex is supposedly overwhelming in humans, it still does not require a lot of effort.

So, the most popular occupation in the world has nothing to do with eating, or talking, or thinking about sex. And it has nothing to do with browsing on the Internet or playing computer games, by the way, because, first of all, not that many people have uninterrupted access to computers at their workplace and, secondly, it does not really take a lot of effort to do both of these things – browse on the Internet and play PC games, I mean.

Do you give up? OK, I will not hold you in suspense any longer. The most widespread occupation in the world is pretending to be doing something while actually doing nothing. Being busy, while not being busy at all.

Oh yes, that is the most widespread occupation in the world and people of all walks of life are involved in it: from the top executives in multinational companies and banks, politicians and senior civil servants to clerks, secretaries, company managers, policemen and – lower down – to builders, shop assistants, waiters and even street cleaners. It is such a wide group of people that you would be right in thinking that we are probably talking about two thirds of the world’s population, or maybe even more.

Pretending to be busy needs a lot of effort. In fact, sometimes, it needs more effort than carrying out the job itself. Because you really have to be very good at it to convince other people that you are actually doing something while in reality you are not doing a thing. I have met directors of huge companies, top bankers and senior politicians, who were supposed to be absolutely overwhelmed by work yet did practically nothing all day. Whenever I would call them their secretaries would tell me that Mr So-and-So was at a meeting or held talks so could I please call later, possibly even the next day or even the next week. When I would eventually get through to these people they would tell me that they were very sorry for not responding but it was because they were extremely busy. So busy, in fact, that they could only see me in a week or two, or even three.

Well, unfortunately for them I had the ability to charm their secretaries and PAs with presents and boxes of chocolates and small talk so I would usually find out that these ‘extremely busy’ people often spent up to three hours at lunches, sometimes with their girlfriends, came to work rather late and left rather early. And that they often took days off to play golf or spend time at their respective clubs. And they would often waste whole days on writing one – yes, just one – letter that would consist of about three paragraphs. These busy people always had piles of documents on their desks that they were supposedly ‘studying’ every time somebody would walk into their offices.

You probably think I am kidding, don’t you? Well, I am not actually. I am telling you as it is. A large proportion of big businessmen are in reality not that busy at all. And the same thing goes for many other ‘very busy’ people, including hundreds of professions. Obviously, politicians lead the way in this, closely followed by civil servants, top military brass and many others. Journalists are also very good at it too, usually combining doing nothing with a lot of drinking.

And lower down the social ladder there are millions of people involved in hundreds of professions who are renowned for their ability to pretend that they are busy. Shop assistants are very good at it when you need them. They always seem to be ‘serving a client’ when you approach them. Waiters are also very good at having that purposeful look in their eyes when you are trying desperately to attract their attention. Builders are notorious for pretending to be building something and many secretaries have perfected the skills of pretending to be busy all day while actually not doing much at all. Even cops nowadays are so busy that you don’t actually see them anywhere anymore. That are so busy fighting crime that they have become invisible.

There are, of course, people who can’t really pretend to be busy. These are nurses and doctors in hospitals, teachers at schools, workers at factories, miners, truck drivers, public transport workers, printers, small shop owners and owners of small businesses generally.

And that is why I would like to salute them and wish that they never ever acquire the talent of pretending to be busy.

Let’s hear three cheers for these people.

– End –

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