Browsing In Supermarkets. It Has Become A Huge Hit This Year

November 11, 2009

Dan Majestic writes: Didn’t we tell you, people, here, on this very website, that food will become a luxury as the recession continues to batter good old Britain that is struggling under Labour’s occupation? (I refer you to our brilliant piece called Hard Times Are Coming. Food Will Become A Luxury Soon. 04.07.2009. Consumer Watch). It is all very nice for Prime Minister Gordon Brown and his cronies, who are probably multi-billionaires by now, having given all that money to the banks – wink, wink, nod, nod, – to say that things are getting back to normal. But just you try living on your credit cards, having lost your job and not really expecting to find a new one soon.

Anyway, in case you do not know this, it has been revealed that shoplifting generally has risen dramatically this year in Britain – up by 20 per cent and nearly missing the £5 billion mark – and that stealing groceries has become a serious habit for more and more middle class families. And while no one registered the increase in the number of people, who are now coming into supermarkets to browse rather than buy groceries, I can tell you that it probably has increased by tenfold at least. I see more and more of these browsers in supermarkets, holding their baskets with one potato and an apple rolling in them from side to side, walking down the aisles and looking hungrily at the food on display. And how about the desperate ones, who pretend to be sampling the fruit and vegetables while actually having their lunch or dinner.

Yes, food browsing and food tasting have become a huge hit this year and will probably get even bigger next year. You can now hear more and more people telling shop assistants in supermarkets that they are ‘just browsing’. And you can see more and more people pinching grapes and even peeling oranges and bananas, pretending to be ‘only sampling’. With this in mind I expect that supermarkets will be now tagging all of their produce and even replacing some of it with beautifully made photographs and paintings to avoid the real thing getting stolen. And there would be prolonged periods of supermarkets staying empty, like the image to my article demonstrates. (This photo was made at lunch time at a usually busy supermarket.)

With this in mind I hope that the film industry and television would be quick to respond and start making films about individuals or whole families eating and discussing their food in glorious detail. Who needs thrillers and costume dramas and boring sit-coms when you can watch people stuffing themselves with food and imagining that you are there with them. TV competitions for people shoplifting in grocery stores would be an instant hit with the public and would quickly outshine all those stupid singing and dancing contests. Whole West End plays and musicals can be devoted to people eating, in or out, and enjoying it immensely.

Expect restaurants to turn into places where only the super-rich could afford to eat. Many of them are already closing down because a lot of their old customers have simply no more money left to spend on eating out. And even if you consider all the bankers and hedge fund managers, who are funded by the taxpayers and living the high life, you would still be unable to fill all the fancy eateries that have sprung up in the past like mushrooms after an autumn rain.

A black market in cheap second-hand groceries has emerged already, with left-overs from restaurants, junk food chains and households selling very well at open air markets. Some people complain that it is unhygienic and even unsavoury but the majority still go for these cheap repackaged selections that offer the same goodness as the original stuff.

Hopefully – and I say this with all sincerity – cannibalism would not spread too far and wide, as our previous piece was implying, or at least if it does, it would be contained to rural areas where they are used to that sort of thing, the savages. But books on cannibal cooking will probably still hit the shelves, with such titles as ‘Fifty Ways To Cook Your Erect Penis’ making it on to the bestselling lists.

How long this madness is going to last? By the looks of things, for some time yet to come.

– End –

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