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A Quick Cynical Glance At Events Around The World. In No Particular Order

November 23, 2009

A Quick Cynical Glance At Events Around The World. In No Particular OrderDan Majestic and Adam Lovejoy write: Few people are holding their breath as the long awaited Chilcot inquiry into the war in Iraq opens this week in Britain. To expect that it would give answers to any of the serious questions about Britain’s involvement in the illegal war would be too much to ask, considering that the current Labour government would be the last to want to get to the bottom of things. Not to mention that Sir John Chilcot, presiding, served on the 2004 Lord Butler inquiry that had failed to find anything unusual in the then Prime Minister Tony Blair’s closest advisors ‘sexing up’ the documents that were later used to convinced the nation to go to war. Still, word is that Mr Blair has been losing sleep recently, having missed out on a chance to get that so much needed immunity from prosecution by failing to clinch the prized job of EU President.

Which brings us, rather neatly, to that grandissimo occasion, the appointment last week of Belgian Prime Minister, Herman ‘whatshisname’ van Rompuy as President of the European Council and the lovely Baroness Ashton as his foreign policy sidekick. As it has now transpired, the Great Stitch Up, as it is dubbed, was masterminded by French President Nicolas Sarkozy, German Chancellor Angela Merkel, Britain’s very own Prime Minister Gordon Brown and Swedish Prime Minister Fredrik Reinfeldt, the current President of the EU. Not forgetting that sly fox, Jose Manuel Barroso, President of the European Commission. The rest of the gang, as it turns out, simply rubberstamped the highly unusual choice of candidates that seem to suit mostly the people above mentioned. Both Herman ‘whatshisname’ van Rompuy and Lady Ashton are saying that they are eager to tuck into their new jobs as soon and possible, and do whatever it is they’ll be told to do by the gang of three – Sarkozy-Merkel-Barroso – as Brown is seen as on his way out while incoming David Cameron is not trusted.

As President Barack Obama’s highly uneventful Asian tour becomem history, most people are still wondering what was it exactly that he has achieved during the ten day extravaganza, apart from demanding that the junta in Burma releases that brave if slightly delusional woman, Sun Suu Kyi, from house arrest. The Chinese part of the tour was especially unexciting, revealing that the Obama Administration has already accepted that China has become the most powerful nation in the world and it makes no sense, as one US official said, to ‘piss off the big boys’. The most memorable moment of the whole tour was that bow that Mr Obama made when greeting the Japanese Emperor, and it is now expected that he would be doing the same in December in Norway, when receiving his well earned Nobel Peace Prize for all the great things he will do in the future.

President Obama did demonstrate his ability to pacify the masses, though, when he called upon the American nation not to draw any wrong conclusions from the fact that a Muslim fanatic, who also happened to be a Major in the US Army, massacred 13 people and wounded another 30 at Fort Hood army base. As more and more facts come to light about the eccentric behaviour of Major Nidal Hasan during his time at the base the feeling grows that should Al-Qaeda want to operate from one of the US military bases on American soil it would encounter no problems at all. It would be interesting to hear what the investigators, who are conducting an inquiry into the Ford Hood massacre, would come up with, considering that the Commander-in-Chief has already warned them about not getting carried away with making the wrong sort of conclusions. Even though the white Muslim attire that Major Hasan was wearing on the morning of that tragic day and his screams ‘God is great’ during the shooting are a bit of a giveaway, whichever way you look at it.

Still on the subject of Muslim terrorists: there has been a bit of an uproar in America, caused by the Obama Administration’s decision to put Khalid Sheikh Mohammed and four other plotters of the 9/11 bombing on an open civilian trial in New York instead of making them face a military tribunal with its no-thrills atitude to the human rights of the defendants. Opponents of such a move say that it would be lunacy to give the terrorists the opportunity to argue their case in the glare of publicity, while getting all the due-process rights that US citizens are entitled to. Supporters of the idea say that trying terror suspects in an open court would send the right message to the world about the integrity of the US judicial system. In any case, the Obama Administration is probably hoping that as long as people do not discuss the pitiful state of the US economy, it does not really matter what they say.

Still in New York: US justice officials have raised $3million for the victims of the biggest scam in the history of the universe by selling off some of the possessions belonging to Bernie Madoff, the swindler who is doing 150 years in the slammer for stealing $65 billion from his investors. Things on sale included three powerboats, a Mercedes car and Madoff’s Mets sports jacket. The most amazing thing about this whole saga is that the official version of events still stands: one man has stolen $65 billion, all by himself, without anyone else involved. Although the cunning financier was known to be friendly with at least 200 high ranking politicians and high flying money men, no suspicion has ever been levelled on anyone else, including members of Madoff’s immediate family, who, as we were told, were blissfully unaware of where their papa got all the mullah from. Some people expect that it is only a matter of time before it transpires that Madoff is responsible for stealing more billions. All by his little old self.

To the waters of the Indian Ocean next: it has transpired last week that the crew of a Royal Navy vessel that is patrolling the high seas in search of pirates has proven itself helpless when confronted by a sight of a group of Somali sea buccaneers boarding a yacht with two Britons, Paul and Rachel Chandler, on board. The Chandlers are now kept hostage by the Somali pirates, who are demanding $2 million ransom for them and are saying that that if the money does not come soon the couple might be feeding the fishes. The previous account of the British Ministry of Defence amounted to a story that the yacht was found already empty. But an account of one of the sailors soon surfaced describing how the crew watched the whole hijacking saga from a distance of about fifty yards, afraid to interfere so as not to risk the couple’s lives. Watch but don’t touch seems to be the cunning approach of the British navy in the Indian Ocean.

And now let’s briefly venture into history: having bankrupted every man, woman and child in Britain for the next 1000 years, the Labour government apologised last week to thousands of British children, who were sent to Australia, Canada and South Africa under the so-called ‘welfare’ programme. Although confusion reigns as to why the apology came now, cynics point out that Prime Minister Gordon Brown will be keen on apologising for anything, including a 100 Years War with France, as long as no one raises any question about the £1trillion that he has blown on bailing out the banks, including Scottish banks.

Still in Britain, a woman any man would love to go out with, Brooke Magnanti, aka Belle de Jour, has finally been revealed as the author of the sensational epic about a hooker working for an escort agency and loving every moment of it. Ms Magnanti turned out to be a 33-year-old academic, who has a PhD in informatics, epidemiology and forensic science from Sheffield University. Currently she works as a researcher into the effects of exposure to pesticides on unborn babies and children. The most interesting aspect of the whole furore was the calm way the Bristol University took the news, giving all the support and understanding to the fragrant Ms Magnanti. Not to be outdone by the academics, her mother announced that she is very proud of her little girl. Let’s hope the former clients of Belle de Jour throw in a nice word too.

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