Stirring Trouble’s Football Awards Of 2009. Starting With Worst Transfer Of The Year Award
December 31, 2009
Alex Nekrassov writes: As the year 2010 knocks on our collective doors it’s a perfect time to give out various (and thoroughly deserved) gongs to the people associated with the nation’s favourite sport, football. As you might have figured out, we’re deviating slightly from categories such as ‘best team of the year’, or ‘best footballer ‘ – these will be awarded at the end of the season anyway, and frankly, who cares who gets what. We feel our awards capture the spirit of the game in a way that the mainstream ones never could. So without further ado, here are the winners of the Stirring Trouble Internationally Football Awards of 2009: Worst Transfer Of The Year Award The winner of this category wasn’t really ever in doubt. In fact, we considered...
It Is Time To Boycott Chinese Made Goods. For Quite A Few Reasons
December 31, 2009
Anton Goryunov writes from Moscow: I’m really fed up with all the Chinese junk that is sold everywhere in Russia and beyond it. Every time I buy something, I know that somewhere there is a label on it saying ‘Made in China’. And how I rejoice – on very rare occasions – if it turns out that it was made somewhere else. Oh, he is full of hatred, I can hear some people saying, having read this. He is denying the Chinese people the right to earn their living! Disgraceful! Well, sue me, you politically correct buffoons! Why should I care what you think. I am tired of being forced to buy junk so that some clever retailer can make a quick buck and some Chinese worker can earn his 000,5 cents, sitting in some crappy factory for 18 hours. I pay my own money and I can demand...
Some People Don’t Like To Celebrate Their Birthdays. Quite A Lot Of People Actually
December 31, 2009
Spare a thought for people who don’t like to celebrate their birthdays. I’m not talking about children and teenagers who get all excited about receiving presents and having friends over. I mean people who simply do not like all the attention or the reminder that they are not getting any younger. There are many of them about, although they often keep it to themselves. I know some people who get so depressed on their birthdays that they actually go into hiding, or get so drunk that they simply pass out. You would not believe how these people suffer when they birthdays arrive! They shudder every time the phone rings and some distant relative, who has not called for a year, would wish them many happy returns of the day, in a sugary, insincere voice, and shower them with praise. And...
You Would Not Believe How Short Life Is
December 31, 2009
Guess how many days and hours make up a human life? Assuming that you live till you are 80, it is actually not much at all – 29,200 days equalling 700,800 hours. Frighteningly small numbers, if you consider that it is a whole life we are talking about here. And if you deduct from it the time you spend sleeping, say 7 hours a night, that would leave you with about 500,000 active hours left. I am not even bothering to deduct the time people spend on basic necessities like washing, sitting on the bog or eating. And I am not including the first several years of life when people, let’s face it, don’t really understand very much of what is happening with them and around them. I am still sticking with half a million hours. Think about this very carefully: you have roughly 500,000...
The English Premiership Wonderland: Of Players Going Missing In January
December 30, 2009
Alex Nekrassov writes: The English Premiership is a strange place. Words are often said that are meaningless, but are still eagerly picked up by everyone and discussed with vigour and excitement, as if they really stand for something. Teams and managers are praised, even though with all that money thrown at them they could have performed much better.And it gets worse. This is the time of year which managers of top Premiership clubs dread. It all has to do with the bi-annual African Cup of Nations tournament, with Africa’s best footballers from all around the world deserting their clubs. 16 nations from the continent will take part in the month-long tournament, between January 10 and 31 in 2010 in Angola. Typically, in the English Premiership and out of the top four clubs, the team which...
And The International Taking The Piss Awards Of 2009 Go To…
December 30, 2009
It’s this time of year again when StirringTroubleInternationally gives out silver plated dildos to people and institutions that have left a distinct mark on the proceedings of the past year. So, without wasting any time, let me present the six winners of the International Taking The Piss Award of 2009, listed according to the number of votes they have received.The first winner of this year’s contest is the Norwegian Nobel Prize Committee, for unanimously deciding to give the Nobel Peace Prize for 2009 to US President Barack Obama, whose nomination was submitted 11 days after his inauguration ceremony in January 20. We, at StirringTroubleInternationally, voted overwhelmingly to include the Nobel Committee into the list of winners for 2009. Its decision to award the biggest peace...
More Breaking News. From The Stirring Trouble Team
December 29, 2009
Today we present a new selection of breaking news items from the wires of the Stirring Trouble team. Breaking News: In the wake of the failed terrorist incident on the Delta passenger plane President Barack Hussein Obama assures the American people that he is not a practising Muslim. Breaking News: White House says President Obama’s promise to conduct two ‘thorough reviews’ of the security of air travel will send shudders down the spines of Al Qaeda leaders. Breaking News: President Obama interrupts a game of golf to dash to his holiday home to watch CNN’s special programme on his greatness. Breaking News: As a result of the failed terrorist attempt on the Delta plane US government says that ALL air passengers from now on would be treated as hostile thugs bent on violence. Breaking...
The Delta Terrorist Incident: What Are The Options To Make Air Travel More Unpleasant
December 29, 2009
Dan Majestic writes from America: So, what options are open to US authorities and airlines in the light of the attempted terrorist attack on a Delta passenger plane that was flying from Europe to Detroit?We have already heard from that brave man, US President Barack Obama, who interrupted his holiday to promise increased security on all flights to America from abroad. He also said other things that obviously made every Muslim terrorist think very hard before attempting anything nasty. The US will not rest until all individuals linked to the latest attack would be found, Mr Obama implied. People like Osama Bin Laden can attest to that: the US government does not like to pussyfoot and throw its words to the wind. If it says it’s going to catch someone, it does just that. In some cases,...
The Cult Of David Tennant Of The Dr Who Fame Is Weird. He’s Simply No Good
December 28, 2009
What’s this starnge adoration with David Tennant, the actor who has been playing the part of the Doctor in the BBC series Dr Who? Tennant is to acting what a cold sore is to kissing, or impotence to a loving relationship. He is hopeless, just hopeless. Would you like me to prove to you that he is hopeless in one short sentence? OK, here goes: if he had had any talent, he would not have been cast by the BBC to star in Dr Who. How about that? Simple, isn’t it? The BBC does not employ talented actors in the dramas. It’s not their style. Tennant’s main problem is that he overacts all the time. All the bloody time! There’s never a moment when he underacts, if there’s such thing as underacting, or acts in a proper sense of the word. And he does that strange stare...
More Breaking News Items. From The Stirring Trouble Team
December 28, 2009
Today we present a selection of breaking news items from the Stirring Trouble team. Some of them are new and some have appeared on our website throughout the year. You might call it a festive mix. Breaking News: International Federation of Idiots says it feels confident that 2010 could turn out to be a feast for idiots across the world. Breaking News: Asked if he’s thinking of dumping his wife for a younger broad, President Obama reads from a prepared script and professes his love for his spouse. Breaking News: President Barack Obama says that he feels comfortable with his vanity. I’ve had loads of it ever since I was a community organiser in Chicago, he says. Breaking News: White House says President Obama knows exactly what he is doing each and every moment. At the moment he knows...
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