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Ever Watched A Man Dipping His Balls Into Hot Cooking Oil? I Have

December 11, 2009

Obama Nobel Prize SpeechAdam Lovejoy writes: Have you ever watched a man dip his balls into hot cooking oil, while still attached to them, and trying to conceal his pain? I have – figuratively speaking, that is. All day yesterday I’ve been watching the TV news coverage of US President Barack Obama receiving his well deserved Nobel Peace Prize in Oslo by progressive channels, like CNN and others. And the TV presenters sure looked as uncomfortable as if they had dipped their balls into hot cooking oil, squirming and cringing and felling mighty unsettled.

In all honesty, President Obama lost a lot of his cred yesterday, especially while he was doing his ‘watching the tennis match’ routine during his acceptance speech, in front of members of a carefully selected audience, who obviously had to sign a binding agreement that they won’t break into laughter under any circumstances. Mr Obama stuck to his guns and never once strayed from the prepared script. Not once. Tiger Woods he ain’t when it comes to straying. And saying that ‘war is morally justified’ did not really sound all that well, considering the occasion.

President Obama would have done better if he made the whole thing as short as possible. Something like, ‘Ladies and gentlemen, thank you for not laughing. I don’t really deserve this award, but as I got it anyway, I’ll do my best to prove that I’m worthy of it. Once again, thank you for not taking the piss. I’m off now to do good things. Love ya all.’

That might have gone down much better than the drivel that the White House speech writers produced for Mr Obama. Especially as he could have memorised his acceptance speech and could have, for once in his life, looked in front of him and not turn his head, right and left and right again. And, what is even more important, President Obama would have made life so much easier for all those TV commentators, who love him so much and who had to hide their suffering while having their balls dipped in hot oil.

The absurdity of the TV news coverage of Mr Obama’s acceptance speech, and the glitzy dinner that followed, was that the networks had to pretend that most people actually thought that the whole thing was no big deal. Why shouldn’t a US president, who just a few day before decided to send an additional three divisions to Afghanistan to liven up the war there, not get a Nobel Peace Prize? CNN even came up with a bizarre poll, claiming that only 35 per cent of Americans thought that President Obama should not have been awarded the prize. Imagine, around 60 odd per cent of people in America thought that it was quite natural for their leader, who hasn’t yet done pretty much anything for world peace, to get awarded the biggest peace prize. Painful stuff.

Other networks that have the hots for Mr Obama fared no better. Their commentators really had to gather all their strength to keep their pain under control: no laughing, no smiling, not even a hint of irony. It was pure undiluted suffering, balls dipped in hot oil, but they managed to pull it off. One of these top professionals even said that many people thought that President Obama coped very well with the controversy surrounding his award. Ouch. Ouch, ouch, ouch. ‘It was a great speech,’ said another hack. ‘The guy was terrific.’ His cringing expression, though, betrayed the hot oil engulfing his balls.

Then there were funny comments about President Obama wanting the ceremony in Oslo to be as ‘low-key as possible’ because, wait for it, there was much work ahead. It took balls to say that sort of stuff. Balls dipped in boiling oil.

And now let’s be serious for a second. Could Mr Obama have come out of this stupid situation in a better light? Very easily. He could have said to the Nobel Prize Committee, consisting for some strange reason of five women and one man, that he would like to share the prize with the top five contenders, who, obviously, had more reason to get it. And it would have gone down a treat with everyone. It would have shown Mr Obama to be a wise man who lives in the real world.

But he and his advisors chose to look ridiculous. And force all those poor hacks on TV to dip their balls into the hot oil while hiding their suffering from viewers.

– End –

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