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Statement By The International Union Of The Obese And The Horizontally Challenged

December 15, 2009

Fat People Adam Lovejoy writes: We have received an appeal by the International Union Of The Obese And The Horizontally Challenged. It contains the following short but powerful message:

We, the International Union Of The Obese And The Horizontally Challenged, would like to appeal to all people, who have not yet joined our ranks, to stop treating us like some big fat slobs. Big is beautiful and very big is, obviously, even more so. The more there is of us, the more of it we can share with you.

We work hard to become obese. Some of us eat eight times a day, and some eat even more often. Some start this gruelling regime since early age, in some cases when they are babies. It does not just involve eating a lot of food generally. We, the obese and the horizontally challenged, position ourselves on sofas and sometimes even on the floor, forcing ourselves to spend hours, watching television shows and programmes that often make absolutely no sense at all to us, while consuming large quantities of food produce. We sometimes spend whole weekends like that, suffering for the cause that we have chosen: to become very big.

We often eat disgusting food, food that sometimes has passed its sell-by date and smells bad. But we ignore the risks, pumping up those calories into our systems to share our huge bodies with the rest of the world. We deserve some credit for that.

We do not like to see people passing us by, eyeing us with that patronising look. What is there to stare at? We are big and we are proud of it. Big women are beautiful because there is so much of them. Big men are handsome because, let’s face it, what is there to hold on to if you do not have a triple chin and huge belly. There is no beauty in a man with no tits, as the old saying goes.

Some of you people out there think that we are sick, that we need medical help. It is a lie. We chose to be big and beautiful to make the world we live in bigger and more beautiful. Who could resist the sight of wobbly bits of body, wobbling as a big person walks down the street, proud in the knowledge that he has just eaten enough food to fill a fridge. In an army canteen. In an American army canteen. For those of you who have never been to an American army canteen, that is a hell of a lot of food.

So we appeal to all of you, weightless persons, to put an end to prejudice targeted at obese people. It is tough to eat yourself to a size XXXLarge and over. Do not make it any harder on us.

– End –

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