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Al Gore Freaks Out. At The Copenhagen Freak Show.

December 16, 2009

Al Gore Freaks Out. At The Copenhagen Freak Show. Dan Majestic writes from Copenhagen: That giant of a man, whose face screams, ‘I like food. A lot’, has landed himself in trouble at the UN climate change conference, dubbed by the locals ‘the freak show’. Big Al, who had lost the US presidential race nine years ago to a man who could barely read and write, has been caught out using false data to plug his case for pumping more money into fighting global warming. During his speech at the bash here Al Gore quoted climatologist, Dr Weislav Maslowski, who has supposedly said that there was a 75 per cent chance that within 5 to 7 years time the ice cap on the north tip of the planet will disappear for good. Worrying news for crews of ice breakers that escort cargo ships through the ice. And even more worrying concept for the people who set world records by skiing or walking to the North Pole. Not to mention the problems for the folks, who live on the edges of the polar circle, who’d soon have to swim to work every day.

Shouts ‘You tell ‘em, Al!’ and We’re all gonna die!’ came from the delegates in response to Mr Gore’s doomsday statement. Several women fainted and a large chunk of the audience actually woke up, staring around in confusion and bewilderment. Big Al sure knows how to grab people’s attention. I’m told he’s huge as a master of ceremonies at big left-wing parties.

Anyway, no sooner had Mr Gore finished his speech when Dr Maslowski informed everyone that he had no idea where the figure of the ‘75 per cent chance’ of the polar ice cap melting came from. And that caused Big Al, as I was told on good authority, to freak out and stamp his feet, uttering animal-like piercing noises. I wish I could have been there and seen it happening. I like to watch that sort of thing. It’s a fetish I have, a kinky habit.

Later in the day Gore’s office released a statement, saying that the great man had heard the figure from Dr Maslowski some years ago, during a piss up at an environmental gathering for people with bad eyesight and deficient hearing. The figure was supposedly written on a paper napkin, along with the drawing of a man’s genitals penetrating what looked like a baboon’s arse.

Unfortunately for Gore most of the scientists present at the conference quickly distanced themselves from him. As one of them told me, ‘We are slightly worried by Gore’s tendency to hype up the figures.’ ‘There’s even a rumour going round,’ he added, in a lowered voice, ‘that he got involved in global warming for personal enrichment.’

Surely not, I replied. You must be mistaking him for Tony Blair.

The bad news came yesterday from the most unlikeliest of sources, the British Met Centre, that has been feeding god pro-global warming stats here for the past eight days. The crux of it was that freezing temperatures were hitting Europe, reaching places that even Heineken beer deliveries can’t reach, and really pushing those pesky temperatures down. ‘We’re f..ked,’ I heard one fragrant woman-delegate say to another. ‘Who’d want to hear about global warming when it’s f..king freezing outside.’

Good point well put, I thought.

Meanwhile, temperatures were running high at the conference when all the delegates representing developing countries simply walked out of the main hall on Tuesday, telling the chair, that odd woman with a strange looking nose, and a couple of people who were sitting beside her, to go f..k themselves. Which they duly did.

The developing delegates, if you pardon the description, then  went into the VIP area and got drunk there on free booze, in protest against the refusal of the rich nations to give them a blank cheque to improve their standards of living and save a couple of trees. Before falling under the table one African delegate told me – I was there disguised as a Pakistani waiter – that the chances of signing a deal at the summit were as close as Africa becoming a prospering continent by the year 2011. Which, by my calculation, did not amount to very much.

On the fringes of the conference some pretty disturbing data was emerging about the whole man-made-global-warming-thing having very limited support among the scientists. Shocking facts surfaced that out of about 4000 names that are regularly mentioned here as ‘supportive’ of artificially created climate change only about three or four dozen actually said that this was the case. The rest were sceptical, uncertain or opposed to the whole idea of fighting windmills like Don Quixote, as one of them said. I actually thought it was a good comparison.

The Prince of Wales made a speech yesterday at the conference, but as he spoke in Welsh, without translation, I didn’t really get what he was saying. Talk is that the Prince will be pushing for developed nations to stop horsing around and spend some money wisely, investing into his Duchy that produces organic sausages, biscuits, cheese and wine that could ruin a middle class family in about two or three months, if they keep on buying them. In my opinion, the Prince should let go. Of his common law wife Camilla, that is, and run away with some young blonde bird, letting his son William take over the reins of power with that stunning looking girlfriend of his, Kate, with whom he lives in sin at the moment.

Mayors of some of the biggest cities in the world, including London, New York and Paris, held a joint presentation, telling journalists that they were ready to tax their respective citizens up to their eyeballs, to pay for cutting of CO2 emissions. The climax of the press conference was the address by Bill Clinton via satellite, who spoke passionately about his desire to make some serious money on fighting climate change and becoming a billionaire before Al Gore does.

As the conference was battling with boredom on Tuesday, British Prime Minister Gordon Brown flew into Copenhagen by a specially chattered propeller plane, to grab all the media attention while other leaders were still packing their bags and doing pretty much nothing about the current devastating recession. Mr Brown expected to be met by thousands of environmentalists, who flooded into Copenhagen to engage in a bit of good natured violence, but none of them showed up at the airport as it was too cold. The British Premier had to read his twenty page address to a bunch of customs official, who frisked him and his entourage, before jumping on a bike and peddling to the Bella Centre. Unfortunately for him it was closed by then, so he had to pretend that he knew that it was closed and rush off to the British embassy to make some late night calls to other world leaders.

More to come from Copenhagen in the next few days.

– End –

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One Response to “Al Gore Freaks Out. At The Copenhagen Freak Show.”

  1. Exposé on December 16th, 2009 1:41 am

    Al Gore, raised in hotel rooms whilst his father was in CONgre$$, is a misfit if there ever was one.
    He has made over $350 millions from his ‘Carbon Credits’ Trading Platform based in (Mafia CONtrolled) Chicago) is exposed as a MOB ‘protection money’ extortion racket.

    Just a mere 2% of the global GDP is HUGE and precisely the figure where all enslaving / crippling / extorting / bogus taxes begin.

    Imagine that …

    Exposé

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