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More Breaking News. From The Stirring Trouble Team

December 20, 2009

We present a new selection of hilarious breaking news items. From the Stirring Trouble team.Breaking News: UN Secretary General Ban Ki-Moon denies that the Copenhagen climate summit was a waste of time. I partied a lot, he says. And got laid three times.

Breaking News: Danish government reveals that practically all the silver cutlery it supplied for the climate summit had disappeared.

Breaking News: President Barack Obama tells American people that he fled from the Copenhagen climate conference because he felt vulnerable without teleprompters.

Breaking News: UN rejects Stirring Trouble’s suggestion that Copenhagen conference’s logo was actually a drawing of tasselled pubic hair of a female Panda.

Breaking News: China issues a strong denial that it’s leaders look alike. The fact that the world press confuses our leaders means absolutely nothing, Beijing says.

Breaking News: Zimbabwean President Robert Mugabe says he has no complaints about the Copenhagen summit. I’ve negotiated a nice little earner for myself, he says.

Breaking News: German Chancellor Angela Merkel admits that she would love to take part in climate conferences every month. It’s a great way to do nothing, she says.

Breaking News: French President Nicolas Sarkozy reveals that he has enjoyed assuming concerned and business like appearances in Copenhagen.

Breaking News: British Prime Minister Gordon Brown denies that he bankrupted his country for some personal gain. It was about helping out others, my friends and loved ones, he says.

Breaking News: Members of the Bulgarian weightlifting national team come out as gay. The heavy make-up should have been a giveaway, they say.

Breaking News: Eurostar says that passengers who got stranded in the Channel tunnel for many hours turned out to be sissies.

Breaking News: Afghan President Hamid Karzia reveals that his new government includes all the same people from the previous cabinet but under different names.

Breaking News: Iraq protests again the invasion of the Iranian forces. Our army will fight to the last man to stop the four Iranian aggressors, Baghdad says.

Breaking News: NATO’s Secretary General, Ander Fogh Rusmussen, denies that he is a practicing Muslim.

Breaking News: Tony Blair denies that his nickname in college was Bouncy Penis. I joined the communist party then and was called ‘commie’, he says.

Breaking News: British Prime Minister Gordon Brown denies that large parts of Britain now resemble Soviet type ghettos. It’s an optical illusion, he says.

Breaking News: Scotland Yard says it’s going to accuse some white middle-aged people of jihad to avoid accusations of bias against Muslims.

Breaking News: Cuban dictator Fidel Castro says he started watching Euronews religiously ever since it began advertising Cuba as a great tourist attraction.

Breaking News: Chinese President Hu Jintao says he sent a greeting card to President Obama and wrote in it: ‘I hate you for what your country did to black people!’

Breaking News: International Federation of Idiots reveals that it’s chairman, Brian Buttocks Suicidal, will marry under duress.

Breaking News: British pop legends, the band Take That, reveal that they learning Chinese to corner the biggest market for crap pop.

Breaking News: Sports legend Tiger Woods admits that he always thought the term ‘safe sex’ meant his wife would never know about it.

Breaking News: Greek government announces tough new measures to make life of its ministers sweet.

Breaking News: North Korean leader Kim Jong il admits that he was a hell-raiser in his days as a rent boy in Bangkok

Breaking News: Russian President, Dmitry Medvedev, says he stands unelected but proud.

Breaking News: Somali pirates say that credit card debts push them to hijack bigger ships.

Breaking News: International Union of Darwinists says that shaved armpits are as common among apes as humans.

Breaking News: International Federation of Idiots reveals that it’s chairman, Brian Buttocks Suicidal, will marry under duress.

– End -

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