More Breaking News. From The Stirring Trouble Team

December 25, 2009

We present more breaking news items from the Stirring Trouble team.

Breaking News: Western leaders reveal in an exclusive poll to Stirring Trouble that most of them never bought that story about a Virgin giving birth to a very special baby. But did a Tony Blair, just in case.

Breaking News: Tony Blair says he is so loved outside UK that during baby kissing photo sessions it’s the babies who kiss him.

Breaking News: World famous Darwinist, Richard Dawkins, says his hatred for thy neighbour is especially strong at this time of year.

Breaking News: Secret documents are uncovered that reveal that most world leaders attended the Copenhagen climate conference solely for the free booze and food.

Breaking News: Denmark’s government apologises to its people for agreeing to host the UN climate conference. We knew it was a con, spokesman says, but the money was too good to turn down.

Breaking News: Asked about his most memorable experience of the past year UN Secretary General Ban Ki-Moon says it was his annual erection at the climate summit.

Breaking News: Asked whether he realised that his health reforms would enrich the medical insurance giants, President Obama replies: ‘Of course. That’s the whole idea.’

Breaking News: Secretary of State Hillary Clinton denies rumours that she’s been taking supplements to help her understand what foreign policy is all about.

Breaking News: Vice President Joe Biden is voted sexiest politician of the year. By readers of the magazine Goat Sheppard’s Weekly.

Breaking News: Speaker Nancy Pellosi denies that she ever contemplated posing for the Russian version of Playboy.

Breaking News: Mexican drug cartels say that as long as the US government sends its troops far abroad to fight in unwinnable wars they’d be just fine.

Breaking News: When told that an unelected head of government in a developing country has bankrupted his own country in favour of his cronies Prime Minister Gordon Brown keeps a dignified silence.

Breaking News: British Defence Ministry says due to lack of funds its soldiers in Afghanistan will use the power of persuasion instead of bullets to convince the Taliban that resistance is futile.

Breaking News: London Mayor Boris Johnson reveals that having slaughtered The Spectator when he was its editor and now looks forward to running down London.

Breaking News: Prince William spends a day begging on the streets of London to find out what it means to actually do something for money.

Breaking News: French President Nicolas Sarkozy reveals that he still writes letters to Santa. This year I’ve asked him for a big dildo, he says. To show Angela Merkel who’s the boss.

Breaking News: Spanish Prime Minister Jose Luis Rodriguez Zapatero, admits that he would love to be involved in a sex scandal, like Silvio Berlusconi, but is terrified of the possible consequences.

Breaking News: Socialist opposition in Italy accuses Prime Minister Silvio Berlusconi of staging an attack on himself. We saw him hitting himself with a blunt object, socialist say.

Breaking News: Protests sweep China as people demand that their leaders dye their hair in different colours to make it possible to tell them from one another.

Breaking News: British pop sensation, Amy Winehouse, is charged with common assault. As part of promoting her latest single.

Breaking News: BBC directors reveal that they are basically a bunch of atheists who are hell bent on spoiling Christmas for as many people as possible.

Breaking News: Cuban dictator Fidel Castro finally concludes his long potty training course and is pronounced shit safe by his doctors.

Breaking News: North Korea admits that all of its nuclear tests were hoaxes. We just wanted some attention, the spokesman for the regime says.

Breaking News: Poll among bankers across the world reveals that most of them are still the thieving thugs they were all this year, and the most of the time before.

Breaking News: Russian President Dmitry Medvedev admits that 2009 was a very fruitful year for the Russians. For a small number of them at least.

Breaking News: Chine scientists discover that money can buy you love. And many other things, like expensive jewellery and villas on the south coast of France.

Breaking News: English Premier League managers stand up as one in defence of one of their lot who got caught by hacks visiting a whore house. It’s football, innit, one of manager says.

– End –

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