Dan Majestic writes: What if in the run up to the general election the weather forecasts in Britain would start to include descriptions of political clashes between the three major parties: Labour, Conservatives and Liberal Democrats? ‘With the election coming nearer,’ a pretty young thing would tell viewers excitedly on ITV, ‘gales of political correctness are expected to hit most parts of Britain, accompanied by heavy downpours of PC in marginal seats, with all three major parties saying that racism [...]

Martin McCauley writes: Times are hard in America. Despite all the rubbish, coming from the government, experts and bankers about the recovery kicking in, the country’s economy is going down the toilet. President Barack Obama’s popularity has gone through the floor and confidence among Americans is at an all time low. Imagine a meeting in the White House involving the Chief of Staff and senior advisers. CoS: Guys, we’re in trouble. The economy is down and our people are miserable, [...]

Today we present more spoof breaking news items. From the Stirring Trouble team. Breaking News: Scandal erupts as White House is caught trying to sell the US presidency to a Russian oligarch for $10 billion. Breaking News: Documents reveal that Gordon Brown bankrupted Britain to feed his gambling addiction. Breaking News: Caught collectively masturbating, Dutch cabinet goes into hiding. Breaking News: NATO commanders reveal they always wear a condom when having anal sex with prostitutes. Breaking News: Argentinean President, Christina [...]

R.F.Wilson writes: Stop the presses! Stirring Trouble has obtained a leaked copy of the transcript of the opening questions and answers during Prime Minister Gordon Brown’s forthcoming appearance, on March 5, before the Chilcot inquiry into the war in Iraq. This document reveals the questions and answers that will feature during the first session of the hearings. It appears that Mr Brown and members of the panel will have the transcripts in front of them, so that the hearings seem [...]

Anton Goryunov writes: If you were like me, gripped with excitement while listening recently to Tiger Woods talk about his infidelity and apologising for sleeping around like a horny rabbit, you would probably be interested to know that the greatest living athlete had two drafts of his speech written for him in advance. And today I can reveal the rejected text. Hi there, people! I’m stud, you see. I didn’t take steroids, like many other athletes did, and that is [...]

Martin McCauley writes: The news that former chiefs of the Navy and Air Force and many other military figures have been arrested in Turkey has sent shock waves through the country. Are the military preparing a coup against the civilian government of Prime Minister Recep Tayyip Erdogan? Imagine a meeting of the PM, his Cabinet and advisers to decide how to proceed. PM: ‘As you know, I gave orders to arrest many top military men and others because our intelligence [...]

Today we present more spoof breaking news items. From the Stirring Trouble team. Breaking News: NATO says if Argentine attacks Britain the alliance won’t lift a finger. Our policy is to treat Britain as a hostile country, NATO says. Breaking News: Argentinean President, Christina Fernandez, reveals she had another facelift yesterday. In protest of the British occupation of Wales. Breaking News: International Court in the Hague rules new US embassy building in London will constitute crime against humanity. Breaking News: [...]

Martin McCauley writes: The military coup in Niger, a poor African state that is rich in uranium, sets a precedent. The men with guns can now take over any weak nation that has raw materials in plenty. Imagine a meeting of the military junta and advisers after the coup. General: ‘Messieurs, we’ve pulled it off. Congrats. We’re now running the joint. How do we stay afloat long enough to get filthy rich?’ Voice: ‘Monsieur le général, how should we address [...]

Martin McCauley writes: That stunning bird, Baroness Ashton of Upholland (no, that’s not in the Netherlands but in Lancashire), is called the High Representative of the European Union. That impressive title merely means she is the EU’s foreign minister. As someone, who doesn’t speak any foreign languages and has never studied diplomacy or history, she is embarking on a voyage of discovery. Imagine a meeting she has with her top advisor in Brussels as she prepares for another week of [...]

Martin McCauley writes: Well, there you have it, we now know what Labour’s main tune would be during the election campaign: the song (Your Love Keeps Lifting Me) Higher And Higher, by Jackie Wilson.That was the track that was played yesterday, on Gordon Brown entering the hall in Coventry to deliver his message to Britain, the gist of which was: Trust me, I know things. Mr Brown was impressive and did a President Obama by reading from two teleprompters, discreetly [...]