Binge Drinking: Who Says It Ain’t Cool?
February 28, 2010
Dan Majestic writes: How come my friends, binge drinkers, get all the bad publicity? Some disgusting people even suggest raising prices for alcohol to punish the guys and girls who liked to get pissed once in a while. And who says that binge drinking is not a great way to spend your time? If it were not so, would there be so many binge drinkers around? If you think about it, binge drinkers are like members of one big happy family, who go out together every night to have a good time. Some families spend evenings at home, glued to the box for hours, stuffing themselves with junk food, but not binge drinkers, oh no! They’re an adventurous lot and go out in search of excitement practically every night. Yeah, sure, they fight with each other from time to time, but so what? It’s mostly...
Political Weather Forecasts. A New Rage In Britain?
February 28, 2010
Dan Majestic writes: What if in the run up to the general election the weather forecasts in Britain would start to include descriptions of political clashes between the three major parties: Labour, Conservatives and Liberal Democrats? ‘With the election coming nearer,’ a pretty young thing would tell viewers excitedly on ITV, ‘gales of political correctness are expected to hit most parts of Britain, accompanied by heavy downpours of PC in marginal seats, with all three major parties saying that racism and homophobia are very bad, equal rights are good, welfare is sacred, cutting of public services is unacceptable, marriage is the founding stone of society and blah, blah blah… ‘In the South and South East,’ ‘the young pretty thing on ITV would continue, ‘sunny periods are expected,...
White House Looks For A Quick Fix. And Finds It
February 28, 2010
Martin McCauley writes: Times are hard in America. Despite all the rubbish, coming from the government, experts and bankers about the recovery kicking in, the country’s economy is going down the toilet. President Barack Obama’s popularity has gone through the floor and confidence among Americans is at an all time low. Imagine a meeting in the White House involving the Chief of Staff and senior advisers. CoS: Guys, we’re in trouble. The economy is down and our people are miserable, including our beloved boss. What do we have to do to cheer them up? Voice: How about asking the Federal Reserve to print enough money to give every American a hundred grand? That’ll cheer them. CoS: I’m sure glad you’re not in charge of the Treasury or the Fed. If we did that the dollar would collapse...
More Breaking News. From The Stirring Trouble Team
February 27, 2010
Today we present more spoof breaking news items. From the Stirring Trouble team. Breaking News: Scandal erupts as White House is caught trying to sell the US presidency to a Russian oligarch for $10 billion. Breaking News: Documents reveal that Gordon Brown bankrupted Britain to feed his gambling addiction. Breaking News: Caught collectively masturbating, Dutch cabinet goes into hiding. Breaking News: NATO commanders reveal they always wear a condom when having anal sex with prostitutes. Breaking News: Argentinean President, Christina Fernandez, denies she is a sucker for a facelift. Breaking News: In a moment of madness and under the influence of drugs International Court in the Hague rules against itself. Breaking News: Serious erectile problems of some of the directors of the International...
Kim Jong Il Finds A Solution To North Korea’s Problems
February 27, 2010
Martin McCauley writes: North Korea is in trouble – although you might not know about it. Unlike Greece, with its economic problems splattered over half of the newspapers of the world, North Koreans suffer quietly. The half dead Dear Leader, Kim Jong Il, actually believes that his personality cult knows no bounds and that his people are having a great time. But even this stupid fool sometimes realises that the economy might not be in such a good shape after all. Imagine, if you will, a meeting between Kim and his people. Kim: Comrades, I have a feeling we’re encountering certain problems with our great economy. It’s just a gut feeling, mind you, but I’m sensing a bit of an economic crisis. If the Americans find out about it, we will look like fools. How do we solve this problem? Whisper...
Gordon Brown Will Face Tough Questions When He Appears Before The Chilcot Inquiry
February 26, 2010
R.F.Wilson writes: Stop the presses! Stirring Trouble has obtained a leaked copy of the transcript of the opening questions and answers during Prime Minister Gordon Brown’s forthcoming appearance, on March 5, before the Chilcot inquiry into the war in Iraq. This document reveals the questions and answers that will feature during the first session of the hearings. It appears that Mr Brown and members of the panel will have the transcripts in front of them, so that the hearings seem natural and off the cuff. Sir John Chilcot: Prime Minister, we are deeply honoured to have you here today as a witness. You could have chosen to avoid this hearing, but you took the bold step of coming here and submitting yourself to our relentless questioning. PMB: That’s the sort of man I am, Mr Chairman: truthful,...
What Tiger Could Have Said To The World. But Didn’t
February 25, 2010
Anton Goryunov writes: If you were like me, gripped with excitement while listening recently to Tiger Woods talk about his infidelity and apologising for sleeping around like a horny rabbit, you would probably be interested to know that the greatest living athlete had two drafts of his speech written for him in advance. And today I can reveal the rejected text. Hi there, people! I’m stud, you see. I didn’t take steroids, like many other athletes did, and that is why I was horny all the time. I sometimes had an erection all day and was forced to wear baggy trousers to hide it or miss tournaments altogether. I played hard and I played hard. That is to say, I gave my all to golf and I had to unwind afterwards to relax. Just like Bill Clinton did when he was President and would smoke a cigar...
Imagine Turkey Reviving The Ottoman Empire
February 25, 2010
Martin McCauley writes: The news that former chiefs of the Navy and Air Force and many other military figures have been arrested in Turkey has sent shock waves through the country. Are the military preparing a coup against the civilian government of Prime Minister Recep Tayyip Erdogan? Imagine a meeting of the PM, his Cabinet and advisers to decide how to proceed. PM: ‘As you know, I gave orders to arrest many top military men and others because our intelligence services told me that something fishy was going on. How do we present this news to the Turkish people and the world?’ Voice: ‘We don’t want to give the impression that we and not the military are staging a coup. We want to give the impression that these military plotters are right wing extremists who do not believe in democracy....
How Come Superheroes Are So Useless? Not To Mention Dumb And Satanic Looking
February 24, 2010
Adam Lovejoy writes: It always puzzles why superheroes are so useless? The concept itself could have only originated in America, obviously, where a lot of people like the idea of someone attaining superpowers and using them for all sorts of stupid things, like snatching screaming broads out of the paths of speeding means of transport, or causing mayhem and then heroically sorting it out. This last bit, by the way, I personally find especially hilarious, because it always reminds me of the description of the Communist Party of China that has always been known for creating problems and then doing its best to overcome them. But I digress. Imagine, people acquire powers beyond any comprehension that could be used to help mankind resolve numerous global problems. Like directing rivers towards areas...
What On Earth Happened To Good Old Inequality?
February 24, 2010
Dan Majestic writes: What on earth happened to good old inequality? How come everyone’s considered equal, even if they don’t make any effort to show any respect for others? And there’s more on the same subject: how come people, who haven’t done anything worthwhile all their lives, get all the preferential treatment? There you see them, skipping school, smoking and drinking and sleeping around at an early age when they should have been still, well, not smoking and drinking and sleeping around, and still they get all the sympathy and treated as equals. And if they never have a proper job in their lives and produce kids in their dozens, knowing that they wouldn’t be looking after them anyway and still they’re seen as equal to people who have a job and provide...
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Previous posts
- Samantha Cameron Talks Candidly About Her Hubby. And Sort Of Blows The Lid On Him.
- LibDems Pick A Porn Chick As Their Candidate. We Look At Other Options
- Israeli-Palestinian Peace Process? Now What Process Would That Be?
- The Cold War Is Back. But It Not As We Knew It
- More Breaking News. From The Stirring Trouble Team.
- Is There Any Point In Dieting? Nope, None At All
- Winning Hearts And Minds In Afghanistan. Even When They’re Detached From The Bodies
- President Ahmadinejad Reveals Iran’s Official Policy
- A Cynical Look At Life In Britain. And The Stiff Upper Lip
- As The British Press Sells Its Soul To The Devil, We Go Behind The Scenes Of One Newspaper
- From Now On The Met Office Will Express Doubt About Its Own Forecasts
- Pearls Of Wisdom. From The Stirring Trouble Team
- Live Coverage Of The Oscars Proves A Huge Hit. With Dozens Of People
- More Breaking News. From The Stirring Trouble Team
- Mossad Is Thinking Of Going Public. As A Plc
- Who Cares About Elvis Or Who Killed John Kennedy? Aliens Are Running Things Here
- TV Debates Between Party Leaders Will Include Product Placements
- Band Aid: Sir Bob And Friends Do Some Soul Searching
- More Breaking News. From The StirringTrouble Team
- President Zuma: The Man With The Plan
- The New Rich Have No Style, No Class, No Taste. No Anything
- Pearls Of Wisdom: From The Sirring Trouble Team
- About One Pine Tree. And Global Warming Written All Over It
- More Breaking News Items. From The Stirring Trouble Team
- BBC Cuts Costs: It’s Taking The Piss, But Not As We Know It
- A Case Of One Madman Blowing All The Money
- More Breaking News. From The Stirring Trouble Team
- Climate Change Myth Is Causing Panic. Even Among Climate Change Biggest Fans
- Political Correctness Is Dangerous For Your Health, Study Shows
- Binge Drinking: Who Says It Ain’t Cool?
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