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I Really Can’t Treat The UN Seriously. Especially With A Frontman Like That

February 9, 2010

Ban Ki-Moon Dan Majestic writes: Pardon me for asking, but what’s this guy, Ban Ki-Moon, the UN Secretary General, all about? Is he for real or what? Should anyone treat him seriously or is he just a stand-up comedian who comes out before the world media and says funny things, without expecting anyone to take him seriously?

I have a suspicion that most of the delegates at the UN are sniggering quietly, when good old Ban does his thing. I’ve noticed some people smiling uncontrolably when they see the UN Secretary General strut his stuff. You know, ina sarcastic sort of way.

I watched Mr Ban a couple of times in action, last time when he graced Haiti after the earthquake, and I wasn’t impressed at all. He didn’t even bother to look interested. And when he ventured bravely last year into Burma and demanded to see that dissident woman, Suu Kyi, he was kept waiting for two days and then was told to get lost by the generals. And what did he do? He left quietly. It was really embarrassing, the whole thing.

To be honest, Ban’s job not an easy one. A difficult one, in fact. Bloody impossible, if you ask me. Imagine, having to keep a straight face and making appeals to governments that simply do not take you seriously. The only conciliation, of course, is that it is a very well paid job and that the pension plan is one of the best in the world. Not to mention that the UN Secretary General pays no taxes, being an international diplomat, a citizen of the world, so to speak.

But still, it must humiliating to know that no one really takes seriously what you say. And you sort of start suspecting that even members of your staff might be playing a game with you and not really carrying out your instructions.

And does Ban Ki-Moon ever ask himself: who on earth actually thinks that the UN has any role to play in the world? Apart from being a talking shop for irrelevant nations that few people could find on the which flex their diplomatic muscles and criticise the big boys. You know, like, for example, a tiny African state telling the US how to behave. Or a small Asian country lecturing China.

The problem with Ban is that he looks like a comedian. Sort of clumsy and helpless and awkward looking, always dressed in ill-fitting suits. You have to really posses a vivid imagination to think of this guy as an international statesman. Just like you have to be really delusional to treat the whole set up that he runs, the UN, as something useful. Just remembering all those failed UN peace keeping missions across the world would be enough to lose all enthusiasm. And as for the UN Iraqi oil for food programme, well, it was mostly known for its corruption and not much else.

Let me tell you something interesting about the UN: back in the days of the Cold War the Soviet leadership viewed the UN as a place where it can side with developing countries and humiliate the US and its Western allies. Even more importantly, Moscow considered the Soviet UN Mission as a good cover for spying. I suppose half of the Soviet diplomats there were KGB spies, doing pretty much nothing important but mostly going on shopping trips with their wives and hunting for discounts. A couple of them were probably involved in trying to recruit foreign diplomats, but mostly it was a place where the KGB people spent their time enjoying the luxuries of life in the West that they could not have access to at home.

Also, children of top Communist Party officials liked to work in New York at the UN because the salaries were good there, compared to Soviet salaries, and not much work was demanded of them. And that was another reason why the Kremlin always supported the idea of having the UN.

And that is why, by the way, many of the African and Asian countries that have corrupt regimes still love the UN so much. Children of their top government officials work in New York, where they have access to all those bank accounts that their parents fill with money and go to all those diplomatic parties and enjoy diplomatic immunity from prosecution. Diplomatic immunity is a great thing, you know. Gives a man a sense of pride in what he does. Especially if he is breaking the law.

So the whole UN thing is more of a joke, really. And Ban, the UN Secretary General, is a bit of a joke as well. And he probably knows it himself. But keeps on doing his routine, knowing that no one would be ready to tell him that he should just pack it in and walk away.

– End –

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