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The Weird World Of Cinema: How Come We Fall For That Rubbish?

Adam Lovejoy writes: How come people accept the most ridiculous things that happen on the big screen? The dialogues that make no sense, the vulgarity, the stupid situations, the two-dimensional characters, the primitive or non-existent story lines and the abysmal acting.

That last one has always puzzled me. Bad acting, that is. How on earth do some of the film stars manage to get away with absolutely atrocious performances, time after time after time, and still command the adoration of their fans? Is there actually such a thing as a failed film actor? I mean, once actors get a part in a relatively successful film they seem to be destined for glory almost automatically, however badly they perform.

If you ever bother to analyse the acting skills of some of the biggest film stars – impartially and objectively – you’d be surprised to find out that they are actually not good at what they do. Some overdo it with silly voices and pulling strange faces all the time, some overact, some think that they are too beautiful to even bother to make an effort, some are exactly the same in every role and some simply should not be in the acting profession in the first place. I am not saying that all of them are bad; far from it. There are some outstanding ones who can actually turn a bad film into something worthwhile watching, just with their performances alone. Jack Nicholson could pull it off, most of the time. Robert de Niro was outstanding in his earlier acting days. The late Paul Newman was a brilliant actor. And there were and still are others. But there also very many who simply do not have it in them. They try hard but they always fail miserably.

And it gets even worse when actors, especially good ones, are placed in the most ridiculous of situations and the whole thing turns into a farce. How many times have you seen scenes like this: a stunning blonde woman sits alone in a seedy drinking joint, at a bar or table, and has a quiet drink, or a fag, if the film was made twenty or thirty years ago? All sorts of lowlifes in the joint seem not to notice her. They are all too busy getting loaded and groping disgusting looking broads who sit beside them. Why should they even look at a stunning blonde, sitting all by herself in a bar? At night?

And then the handsome hero walks into the bar and, having ordered himself a drink, looks around, casually, and by pure chance notices a beautiful woman, sitting all by herself, often lost in deep thought. And he has no problems in imposing himself on her with some pathetic chat-up line, and she always responds well, and they start telling each their deepest secrets and find that they were made for each other. And the scum in the joint pay absolutely no attention to them. Why should they spoil a beautiful relationship?

Where do film scriptwriters get this from? Two beautiful intelligent people meeting each other in a seedy joint filled with lowlifes and fall in love. How stupid is that?

And talking of lowlifes: how come we see endless films coming out, telling us about drunks, drug addicts, thieves, burglars, gangsters, hookers and other disgusting characters? Who on earth cares what some junkie says or does? And why should anyone be bothered with the feelings of prostitutes or gigolos? I immediately recall Richard Gere, with his silly pimp roll swagger, in the American Gigolo, and Julia Roberts, with her strange laugh, in Pretty Woman? Only in the surreal world of films could these two absurd cinematic creations have been taken seriously, launching the careers of Gere and Roberts.

Anyway, people who sleep with others for money are not interesting in the slightest. They are just cheap hustlers, so what is there to analyse? And yet, all those scriptwriters seem to be obsessed with hookers? Are they all not getting any sex or what? Pathetic, just pathetic.

And why is it that the Hollywood crowd is so convinced that everyone is fascinated by drug use? First of all, there are not that many drug addicts in the real world. And, secondly, who gives a damn what happens in their sick twisted minds? So they get hooked on dope and are forced to turn to crime to feed their habit and most of the time end up either in jail or dead. So what’s the big deal? They made their choice and paid for it. Please, spare us the cheap dramatics on screen. There is no real drama in it anyway.

And then there is the absurd cliché that has become a trademark of the film industry: tough talking, charismatic, good looking criminals and stupid helpless cops. OK, I’ll accept that some cops are not very bright. And not really very tough. But I have never – well, with one or two exceptions – met a charming, intelligent criminal. And I have met quite a few of them in my life.

Believe me, the overwhelming majority of criminals are lowlifes who would sell their mother for a fiver, or even less. Forget all that rubbish about a feeling of camaraderie existing among them and sparks of humility and kindness flying. These are scumbags who cause grief and pain to others. There is nothing glamorous about them, nothing at all. It is only in the world of films that they have some supposed charisma and charm. Just like it was in that hugely overrated film, Bonnie and Clyde. Two thugs, played by Warren Beatty and Fay Dunaway, had managed not to utter a single sentence that made any sense throughout the whole film. Quite an achievement, by any standard. But they sure liked to whack people and have a good time doing pretty much nothing. And they died so tragically, lured by the nasty cops into an ambush and riddled with bullets. Poor misguided souls! If only society would have shown some understanding of their troubled world.

Bonnie and Clyde was the first film that had quite openly and unashamedly glamorised crime and violence. Since then there were countless other films made, with hardened criminals and murderers coming across as loveable rogues. Should we wonder why young people turn to crime? When they watch all that rubbish?

But there is also a ridiculous side to films about crime: tough men of the underworld played by short guys with weak or podgy physical frames. Martin Scorsese had always picked short actors to play gangsters in his films. (Up to this day I still can’t understand how on earth Joe Pesci got away with playing violent thugs in his films.) It was always weird to watch those shorties throwing their weight around. Or their height around, if you want. And the funniest thing of all about short people playing ruthless gangsters was that the producers had to select other actors, including women, on the basis of their height. Otherwise the mean guys would have looked ridiculous. So you would get a film with tiny people in it and it would really look awkward and stupid.

I hope that short people understand that I have nothing against them. (Although if you look at most current world leaders you would find that they are all tiny: Sarkozy, Medvedev, Putin, Berlusconi, Merkel, Barroso, that Irish bloke and many others.) It is just that in films short people look a bit awkward when they play tough guys or action heroes. I don’t know about you but I could never really treat Humphrey Bogart seriously. He was just too short, even for his voice.

And then there are films about sport where actors pretend to be athletes and do it very badly. Bend It Like Beckham and Wimbledon were two of the most grotesque films I remember. And don’t forget the ridiculous horror films with their pathetic monsters, aliens, vampires and bloodthirsty psychos, and films filled with absolutely meaningless badly performed sex scenes that could only have been dreamt up by some sad pathetic wanker. If you cut out all the graphic sex scenes from all the films ever made nothing will change. NOTHING AT ALL. Just think about it.

And then there’s Bollywood…

I could go on forever about clichés and stupidity in the world of films. It is a weird a world. It’s life but not as you we it. And the less we see it, the better.

– End –

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