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How Come Superheroes Are So Useless? Not To Mention Dumb And Satanic Looking

February 24, 2010

A Few Thoughts About Superheroes. And Disney’s Strange Deal With Marvel Adam Lovejoy writes: It always puzzles why superheroes are so useless?

The concept itself could have only originated in America, obviously, where a lot of people like the idea of someone attaining superpowers and using them for all sorts of stupid things, like snatching screaming broads out of the paths of speeding means of transport, or causing mayhem and then heroically sorting it out. This last bit, by the way, I personally find especially hilarious, because it always reminds me of the description of the Communist Party of China that has always been known for creating problems and then doing its best to overcome them.

But I digress. Imagine, people acquire powers beyond any comprehension that could be used to help mankind resolve numerous global problems. Like directing rivers towards areas of constant draught or stopping floods and tsunamis destroying whole regions or, I don’t know, bringing some useful stuff from Jupiter or Mars that could be used to build things or heal people.

But what do our superheroes do when they acquire their awesome powers? They either find some evil superhero and battle with him endlessly, causing extensive damage to the infrastructure and making their struggle rather pointless, or create pile-ups on the roads and then help to clear them. Or they fall for some stupid broad, who looks like a waitress or a shop assistants – no offence intened to both of these fine professions – and drool over them a lot, saving them from time to time from some nasty characters.

Is this the way to use superpowers? I am sorry, but I get a feeling that all the superheroes are just dumb and should really be spending more time somewhere where they can’t cause a lot of damage. Like on a mountain top or on some distant planet. Superman, for example, should stick to working in his crappy newspaper and fantasising about sexual intercourse with that Lane woman, who must be blind as a bat as she is always unable to destinguish Clark from his superhero version. He should have never really started saving babies, who got left on busy roads for some reason, or screaming women, who managed to get into trouble with strange persistency.

What I’m saying here is that superheroes seem to lack the one thing that could have helped them use their powers more wisely: brains. Brains, it seems, do not come with superpowers. Otherwise why would they be wearing silly costumes and talking in silly voices?

I have already raised a crucial point on this website about superheroes wearing tights and yet seemingly having no penises showing through them, like ballet dancers for example. (Read my piece On Superheroes: Men In Tights With Small Penises, October 16, Let’s Be Cynical) Do they actually have penises at all, I wondered then and if they do, how come they are always so small?

But today I would like to raise another issue that concerns me, and that is this: why do so many of the superheroes look like Satanists? No honestly, why is it that the X-Men and many others have the appearances of devil worshippers? How is it exactly that they can be good guys if they look like the chums of the Prince of Darkness? Because if you think about it, superheroes are Satanists, in essence. The whole superhero concept smacks of devil worship when normal people are portrayed as losers, compared to these freaks in tights with no penises.

It’s the same with the Harry Potter books where witches and wizards are shown as some cool guys and girls and Muggles, that’s the ordinary folks, lose out to them in all respects. No wonder J.K.Rowling made a fortune out of her very unimpressive writings: it was the old superhero concept revived for children, with a bit of black magic and occult thrown in.

So next time you watch some Batman or Spiderman film just think about what I have said here. You’ll be surprised how it would make sense.

– End –

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