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Dan Majestic writes: In an attempt to boost his standing in his country, undermined by his inability to sort out his marriage to glamour puss Carla Bruni and resolve the mess in the economy, President Nicolas Sarkozy has turned his visit to the United States into a public relations razmataz, portraying himself as an equal of US President Barack Obama. Stirring Trouble understands that the French leader had been begging Mr Obama for months to stage a summit and treat [...]

Martin McCauley writes: The EU leaders have agreed a package of measures to rescue Greece – to avoid it defaulting on its debts. However, as part of the deal the Council of Ministers will have greater control over the 16 Eurozone members. Imagine, if you will, a meeting between Herman van Rompuy, the President of the European Council, and leaders of member states. Herman Van Rompuy: Mesdames et Messieurs, we have reached a historic landmark in the evolution of the [...]

Adam Lovejoy writes: As the ‘special relations’ between Britain and America lose their sparkle, a secret Cabinet meeting chaired by Peter Mandelson, nicknamed PM in the Labour government for his leadership qualities, has taken place in the bunker of 10 Downing Street to discuss ways of reviving the old friendship. Stirring Trouble was given exclusive access to this historic gathering. Here is the transcript of the meeting: Peter Mandelson (PM): I’ve asked you to attend this extraordinary meeting of the [...]

Thomas Mathew writes: I bet a lot of you men out there are fantasising about Baroness Ashton, the EU foreign policy chief. I don’t blame you. With looks that can kill, she’d be a prized trophy for any hot blooded male. But leaving intimacy aside, I’d like to play around with some facts from the stunning Baroness’s biography. It was on December 1, 2009, in accordance with the Lisbon Treaty, that Catherine Margaret Ashton, Baroness Ashton of Upholland, was appointed [...]

Dan Majestic writes: Why would President Barack Obama drop everything he was doing and jet off to Afghanistan all of a sudden, uninvited by its government and unwelcomed by most local folks, to spend six long exhausting hours over there? Could it be that he is getting bored with his presidency and wants to do something more exciting, like visiting faraway lands, for no apparent reason, and meeting people dressed in exotic clothes? Or could it be, God forbid, that [...]

Today we present more spoof breaking news items. From the Stirring Trouble team. NEWS JUST IN Breaking News: Explaining his unannounced visit to Afghanistan, President Obama says he was bored stiff and thought a trip abroad might be a good idea. Breaking News: European Union decides to replace the euro with the Chinese yuan as part of introducing full blown communism on the continent. Breaking News: As 121 countries stage an Earth Hour stunt by switching off all lights in [...]

Today we present more pearls of wisdom. From the Stirring Trouble team. If you think about it, we are just tourists in this life. So why have all that luggage? So that you know, the end of the world has happened. We just missed it. Conspiracy theories originate not because the people are stupid but because they have no trust in their politicians. To avoid huge crowds building up stores should post signs saying: if you’re not intending to by [...]

Dan Majestic writes: Pardon me for asking, but why the hell should anyone rejoice at the news that the United States and Russia have agreed on a new deal cutting their nuclear arsenals by a third? Now they’ll be able to destroy the world not 50 times over, like before, but only a meagre 34 times. Big deal! Who would care, having been wiped out the first time, about the possible 33 other threats? It’s not like there’d be anyone [...]

Dan Majestic writes: As former President, George Bush junior, is accused of racism, for wiping his hand down Bill Clinton’s shirt after they both shook hands with a group of Haitians during their recent visit to the island, you might wonder: how are things in Haiti in the post earthquake era? It would be a very good question, considering that the world press no longer informs the public about the situation on the island, even though huge amounts of money [...]

R.F.Wilson writes: Mediocrity sucks – this is the sensational and yet widely anticipated conclusion made by a team of scientists, headed by Professor Dudley ‘F..king’ Brilliant, who has been studying the big ‘M’, as he calls mediocrity, during most of his professional life. Professor Brilliant and his colleagues have accessed the abilities of millions of people across the social spectrum, meeting both lowlifes and highlifes, quizzing politicians, bankers, lawyers, doctors, actors, musicians, hacks and very wealthy people with no particular [...]