R.F.Wilson writes: Mediocrity sucks – this is the sensational and yet widely anticipated conclusion made by a team of scientists, headed by Professor Dudley ‘F..king’ Brilliant, who has been studying the big ‘M’, as he calls mediocrity, during most of his professional life.
Professor Brilliant and his colleagues have accessed the abilities of millions of people across the social spectrum, meeting both lowlifes and highlifes, quizzing politicians, bankers, lawyers, doctors, actors, musicians, hacks and very wealthy people with no particular interest in anything. The study has proven beyond all doubt that mediocrity of today is extremely loud and does not tolerate any other views apart from its own. ‘I found it amazing that some mediocre people produce sounds that are as loud as a train entering a tunnel, or a male baboon penetrating a female one.’ Professor Brilliant reveals. ‘Loudness and mediocrity are not just two sides of one coin. They are actually on the same side of the coin.’
Mediocrity, the study has revealed, is very tribal, having a tendency to attack anything that resembles non-mediocrity. It turns out that mediocre people are absolutely terrified of anyone who is any good at what they do, as it prevents them from keeping their jobs or dominant positions. The entertainment world, it seems, has more mediocrities in it than any other world, followed by science, banking, broadcasting, art, architecture, literature and sport. According to Professor Brilliant, mediocrities recognise themselves by smell, movement, loud noises and meaningless drivel that is presented as something originals and worthwhile.
Politics, the study found out, is heavily populated by mediocrities, as it is one of the occupations where no one really needs to know anything at all and simply state the bleeding obvious, over and over again, or say nothing – to be considered original and talented. Most politicians, it appears, have been known to do absolutely nothing all their lives while being re-elected by their loyal voters.
Science, according to the study, has also proven to be infested with mediocrity, with large groups of people promoting theories and ideas that have nothing to do with reality. Mediocrities in the world of science turned out to be particularly tribal and aggressive, defending their misguided ideas as if no one could see that they were total rubbish. Professor Brilliant found out that supporters of the Darwin’s theory of evolution and environmentalists were some of the biggest mediocrities in the scientific community, although their numbers have dwindled recently, with both evolution and environmentalism losing their appeal even in the eyes of many mediocrities themselves.
The world of entertainment, as the study has demonstrated, has the biggest numbers of mediocrities in its midst and Professor Brilliant even thinks that they might be all mediocre. ‘We found that most entertainers couldn’t’ really read and write properly,’ he says. ‘They tend to have levels of vanity that outstrip all other professions and occupations and find it very difficult to talk without a script or a prepared text. The general IQ in the entertainment industry is roughly equal to that of primary school children, although we did register cases when it was as low as that of premature babies.’
Interestingly, the study showed that mediocrities tend to age quickly and have an obsession with cosmetic surgery. Still, they live longer than people with abilities, as they take care of themselves, and treat their health as something sacred. They never master the art of lovemaking and can’t seem to learn to drive properly. Ever.
The study has shown that mediocrity will grow in numbers and influence and will be the dominant force on Earth, right up to the very end when our civilisation would not be able to cope with so many unremarkable people and will self-destruct.
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