President Sarkozy’s Visit To The US Produces Nothing. Due To Language Barriers

March 31, 2010

Dan Majestic writes: In an attempt to boost his standing in his country, undermined by his inability to sort out his marriage to glamour puss Carla Bruni and resolve the mess in the economy, President Nicolas Sarkozy has turned his visit to the United States into a public relations razmataz, portraying himself as an equal of US President Barack Obama.

Stirring Trouble understands that the French leader had been begging Mr Obama for months to stage a summit and treat him like an important world statesman that he considers himself to be. Mr Sarkozy, whose popularity at home is close to zero after he basically gave up performing his official duties in the hope of saving his marriage to Ms Bruni, a former rock chick with a serious interest in changing partners, who was reported to have gotten close and personal with an obscure musician recently. Mr Sarkozy, who has lost his first wife to another man after winning the presidential election, concentrated all his efforts in the past six months on winning Ms Bruni back, but without much success. So he decided that a trip to Washington, involving a lot of power talk and photo opportunities, was the best possible way to lure Ms Bruni back. Eventually the White House succumbed to the pressure, agreeing to invite the French First Couple.

The climax of the visit was a cosy meal in the White House, with the Obamas, who are known for their strong devotion to each other, playing hosts to the Sarkozies. According to sources, the talk over dinner mostly centred on ways to save the French President’s marriage and his erectile problems that have contributed to the growing coldness between him and his wife. President Obama shared some of his experience of overcoming fear of intercourse in marriage with his guest, suggesting that Mr Sarkozy wears seriously elevated shoes to look more manly and sophisticated. The two First Ladies mostly giggled all evening, showing each other photographs of their husbands in drag and in children’s underwear. All attempts by Ms Bruni to perform a song at the dinner about her 131 lovers were politely but firmly turned down by the hosts.

During his visit to Washington President Sarkozy was at pains to present himself as the man who runs things in the European Union at the moment, with Chancellor Angela Merkel playing second fiddle to him. The French leader, who is hotly tipped to become the next President of Europe, has assured his American hosts that despite his current shortcomings and plunging popularity he would be able to bounce back and make the EU a place worth dealing with, and even visiting. ‘They don’t call me Bouncy Penis out of envy alone,’ Mr Sarkozy told a gathering of carefully selected passers-by from the street at Columbia University. ‘I fall a lot, but I always get up and soldier on’. His words were greeted by wild applause and cheers from his wife, who was feeling a bit adventurous at the time, having taken part in a charity wine testing competition hours before in a primary school in Washington.

Seasoned observers have been pointing out that the main reason why President Sarkozy was unable to establish a closer understanding with the American leader was the language barrier. Mr Obama, they point out, does not speak any foreign language, out of principle, and President Sarkozy’s English leaves much to be desired, even when translated into other languages by interpreters. As a result the French leader’s latest talks with Mr Obama did not produce anything, as the host had no idea what his guest wanted from him. Although they did manage to discuss Mr Sarkozy’s marital problems, using explicit drawings and sign language.

According to sources, President Obama declined the French leader’s invitation to come to France this year and pretend that he treasures his friendship with Mr Sarkozy, although it has been agreed that the French President could boast about his good relations with his ‘close friends’ Barack and Michele.

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