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Martin McCauley writes: It turns out that Orlando Figes, the famous historian, who supposedly knows Russia’s past better than the Russians themselves, has been having a bit of a personality split. It transpired recently that he’s been suffering from a rare case of Jekyll and Hyde syndrome that resulted in him posting highly critical articles under assumed names on the web about the books by other historians. Imagine a meeting of Orlando with his agent and advisers. Orlando: I don’t [...]

R.F.Wilson writes from Washington: Goldman Sachs top execs managed to come out as clear winners in a confrontation with a group of American Senators, all members of the Senate’s sub-committee on investigations, who had the audacity to summon them to a hearing and quiz them on their role in bringing down the country’s financial system. Goldman’s high fliers chose to ‘dress down their opponents’, as it’s known in their trade, by wearing the most expensive clothes possible and making the [...]

Adam Lovejoy writes: The tension and suspense surrounding Labour’s election campaign reached a new high yesterday after Prime Minister Gordon Brown got embroiled in a scandal by calling a staunch Labour supporter, a 66-year-old pensioner Gilliam Duffy of Rochdale, a ‘bigoted woman’ for raising concerns about the number of immigrants flooding into Britain. The PM’s comments became apparent because he was going around Rochdale with a loudspeaker in his hand and everything he said to his aides in private could [...]

Martin McCauley writes: That famous scientist, Stephen Hawking, is a creative thinker. His latest novel idea is that aliens might conquer the Earth. In other words, little green men will descend from their space ships and take over our planet. Imagine a meeting of Professor Hawkins and his critics. Professor Hawking (PH): Fellow scientists, we’re confronted by a mortal danger. All those missions into space have alerted extraterrestrial life forms to our existence. These life forms are bound to be [...]

Adam Lovejoy writes: Well hit me with a shovel and then offer me a handshake. And then hit me with a shovel again… The chance to get rid of the incompetent and corrupt Labour government is only eight days away and yet, there are still people out there in Britain, millions of them supposedly, who want the creeps to stay on and keep screwing up the once great nation. The question I have is this: are you folks for real [...]

Martin McCauley writes: Nick Clegg, the Liberal Democrat leader, has at last come clean: he now sees himself as Britain’s Barack Obama. If the Chicago wizard was able to hypnotise the American electorate, perhaps his techniques would work wonders for Nick and propel him into 10 Downing Street. Imagine a consultation between Clegg and his advisers on how to win the election. Clegg: Guys, we face an historic opportunity. The other two parties are on the ropes and we are [...]

Today we present another fine selection of spoof breaking news items. From the Stirring Trouble team. Breaking News: Crisis in Thailand deepens as anti-government protesters switch from their iconic red shirts to pinkish ones. Breaking News: Poland is in mourning again as it is revealed that the twin brother of the late President Lech Kaczynski, Yaroslav, will replace him as head of state. Breaking News: Russian Prime Minister Vladimir Putin charms his hosts in Italy by striking impressive poses and [...]

Thomas Mathew writes: Let’s be cynical, let’s imagine for a moment that someone within the British Foreign Office had written a memo regarding a forthcoming visit of a leader of a large Muslim country and suggested that it would be a great idea to ask the distinguished guest to tuck into a pork chop during the official dinner, share a few rude jokes with the hosts about the Prophet and be a guest in a civil partnership ceremony. Imagine, also, [...]

Martin McCauley writes: Recently a stray North Korean torpedo sank a South Korean vessel. All of a sudden the South Koreans had a problem on their hands: they had to decide whether to beat the war drum or pretend that it was just an accident. Imagine a meeting of South Korean President Lee Myung-bak with his ministers and advisers. President: People, we’re in a tricky situation. Our coastal vessel was sunk by a North Korean torpedo and the victims’ families [...]

Dan Majestic writes: I’m going to vote for Nick Clegg, the Liberal Democrat leader, on May 6. Yes, I’m going to cross out everyone else on my bulletin and write in: ‘I give my vote to Nick Clegg, a great looking guy.’ That’s what I’m going to do. And I suggest that all of you, people, who reside on the British Isles and have the right to vote do the same. We need change and Clegg is change. He said [...]