World Cups Should Be Played More Often. Because It’s Not Just About Football

May 31, 2010

World Cups Should Be Played More Often. Because It’s Not Just About Football

Adam Lovejoy writes: I’ll tell you something people: World Cups should have more teams playing in them and happen more often. How about 64 national teams playing, instead of the current 32, and the competition lasting 8 glorious weeks instead of the current measly 4 weeks? Or getting 128 teams to battle it out for 12 glorious weeks or more? And why can’t we have the World Cup played every two years or even every year? I’m not a football fan myself, although I like to watch an occasional match between top clubs, to confirm my strong belief that the beautiful game has reached a dead end. I personally think that professional football lost it as a competitive game and a concept when it was taken over by the money men. It’s all about money, isn’t it? And when any sport becomes driven by... 

Tony Blair Is Going Green. Not Just Dollar Green, But Green Green

May 28, 2010

Tony Blair Is Going Green. Not Just Dollar Green, But Green Green

Dan  Majestic writes: So, Tony Blair is going green. No, not just dollar green, but green green. Confused, bewildered, anxious to know more? Good, that means you’re paying attention. The big news this week is that Mr Blair has been snapped up by a venture capital group from the Silicon Valley to consult them on the subject he supposedly knows so well – producing clean technologies to save the world from global warming. From now on for a mere 1 million green ones a year the ex-PM will provide the big boys of business with his thoughts about the environment and ways of preserving it for the future generations. In his years in 10 Downing Street Mr Blair did a lot for improving the world climate, especially in the skies and the mountains of Iraq and Afghanistan, but now that he has more time... 

Things The Labour Party Could Avoid Discussing During its Leadership Contest

May 27, 2010

Things The Labour Party Could Avoid Discussing During its Leadership Contest

Thomas Mathew writes: As two candidates in the race for the leadership of the Labour party, former cabinet ministers David Miliband and Andy Bradshaw, call on their comrades not to raise the war in Iraq as an issue during the campaign – both having voted for it – there are quite a few other subjects that the party faithful could avoid discussing, to keep the morale from plummeting even further. For example, what is the point of mentioning the war in Afghanistan? It’s not going well for Britain and NATO generally and it did start under Labour, so it makes sense to avoid it during the leadership campaign. Let bygones be bygones, as they say. No need to spoil the mood of Labour members even more after that disastrous election. (Nearly 100 seats lost in the House of Commons, which is... 

The Art Of Avoiding A Big War. According To Stirring Trouble

May 26, 2010

The Art Of Avoiding A Big War. According To Stirring Trouble

Anton Goryunov writes: As South Korea is provoked into a tense stand-off, having discovered that North Korea was behind the sinking of one of its ships some time ago, we ask: why the hell has no one yet taken out that madman, Kim Jong Il, who has brought the world to the brink of WW3 – yet again? Did anyone have any doubts that the communist fanatics in Pyongyang would think of something to inject a dose of good old fashioned patriotism into the masses, to keep their minds off things like hunger and shitty living standards? The creeps were spending most of the country’s budget on boosting up their armed forces, including getting their hands on nukes. And now we’ve got a crisis on our hands the size of the oil slick in the Gulf of Mexico: it’s huge and it’s growing in size all the... 

President Karzai Takes Offence At Britain For Placing Afghanistan Smack In The 13th Century

May 25, 2010

President Karzai Takes Offence At Britain For Placing Afghanistan Smack In The 13th Century

Adam Lovejoy writes: Afghan President, Hamid Karzia took serious offence to recent comments made by the visiting British Defence Secretary, Liam Fox, who called Afghanistan ‘a broken 13th century nation’, pointing out that the British troop were there not for the sake of providing education but for defending Britain’s global interests. Things got so bad at one point that there was even a suggestion that the Afghan government might declare war on Britain and invade Devon or Cornwall, just to make its anger clearer. President Karzia was always under the impression that NATO forces have invaded Afghanistan, first and foremost, to see to it that every boy and girl in Afghanistan would be given a chance learn to read and write, and be able to send letters to their pen-palls across the world... 

More Breaking News. From The Stirring Trouble Team

May 25, 2010

More Breaking News. From The Stirring Trouble Team

Today we present a new selection of breaking news. From the Stirring Trouble team. Breaking News: British Petroleum insists that oil spills get better as they grow bigger. Once all the sea is covered with oil, BP says, you quickly forget how things were before the spill. Breaking News: Political crisis in Thailand fizzles out as anti-government protesters figure out that taking on the army is so 1960s. Breaking News: This year’s Cannes Film Festival lives up to its reputation by giving awards to films that no one would watch even if they were paid to do so. Breaking News: British Airways says striking cabin crews can kiss their free condoms and pregnancy kits goodbye. As well as complimentary inflatable dolls. Breaking News: Iceland’s weather forecasters are spotted having a spring in their... 

Nick And Dave Have A Heart To Heart

May 24, 2010

Nick And Dave Have A Heart To Heart

Thomas Mathew writes: Stirring Trouble’s sources in the new government coalition have reported the most unbelievable excitement and euphoria taking place recently at 10 Downing Street when PM Dave Cameron and Deputy PM Nick Clegg held each other in a very tight embrace, tears of joy running down their faces. Finally David said to Nick: Have you ever thought it would end like this, Nick? Nick: Never in a million years, Dave. Dave: And now we are both here and you’re Deputy PM. Nick: Never thought it would end this way. But let’s not forget that I’m also Lord President of the Privy Council and as such I have actually found a way of sorting out all our current problems with the minimal use of Parliamentary time and expense. Dave: Well I’ll be knocked out by a feather, Nick. How could... 

It’s All Over In Bangkok. The Spotlight Moves On To South Africa

May 24, 2010

It’s All Over In Bangkok. The Spotlight Moves On To South Africa

R.F.Wilson writes: Well, there you have it: anti-government protesters in Bangkok finally called it a day and dispersed, heeding to Stirring Trouble’s warning that if they drag their protests for too long they would find themselves clashing with the World Cup in South Africa and then not a single soul in the whole world would pay any attention to their struggle and their demands. Let’s face it, billions of people, who’d be watching the World Cup, would simply have no time for Thailand. In fact, they wouldn’t give a toss whether Thailand stands or falls altogether. Not to mention that most of the protesters would be uneasy, knowing that they are missing out on some real action in South Africa. Anyway, last Wednesday the ‘red shirts’ left their encampment in Bangkok, going... 

David Golden Balls Pops Down To Afghanistan. All In The Best Possible Taste

May 23, 2010

David Golden Balls Pops Down To Afghanistan. All In The Best Possible Taste

Dan Majestic writes: Here’s a brain teaser for you: if you were a British serviceman in Afghanistan and you were suddenly told that living football legend and culture icon, David Beckham, was coming over with a brief visit would you: a) rejoice at the thought of meeting the husband of Victoria ‘Posh’ Beckham, the most stylish woman in the world; b) write home, telling of your excitement about the prospect of shaking the hand that touched David Beckham’s privates countless times; c) pay no attention, as you’d be going on patrol and not knowing whether you’d be coming back alive; d) desert, to avoid taking part in the cringing PR exercise on the part of Golden Balls. Now call me a cynic, but I suspect that most of the answers would be option ‘c’ and, in certain extreme... 

Sorting Out The Budget Deficit In Britain. The Old Fashioned Way

May 23, 2010

Sorting Out The Budget Deficit In Britain. The Old Fashioned Way

Adam Lovejoy writes: So what should the young, vibrant, unelected British government – let’s face it, not a single soul in the whole country voted for a Tory/Liberal Democrat coalition – do to sort out the crippling budget deficit? Cut public spending and get slaughtered by that very same public? Raise taxes and make people pay for the mistakes of the previous lot, risking an uprising? Default on repaying the nation’s massive debts and get sanctions imposed on Britain? Or maybe David Cameron & Co should start printing even more money and throw it at the economy, like Labour did, until inflation reaches something like 1000 per cent, from the current 30 per cent, and the whole economy collapses? Decisions, decisions, decisions, as they say. So many problems, so few options, as... 

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