Breaking News. From The Stirring Trouble Team

July 31, 2010

Breaking News. From The Stirring Trouble Team

Today we present more hilarious breaking news items from the boys at Stirring Trouble. Breaking News: Prime Minister Vladimir Putin reveals that he’s met the ten Russian spies and had a word with them. They’re all alive, he says, but only just. Breaking News: On a visit to India Prime Minister David Cameron tells his hosts that he’d love to become a Buddhist monk and despise everyone according to the ancient tradion. Breaking News: Leaked documents about the war in Afghanistan reveal that Afghan insurgents love every moment of the war they are waging against NATO. Breaking news: Pentagon says that the war in Afghanistan is as good as lost because the website WikiLeaks gave the game away. Breaking News: British Defence Ministry says it has plans to scrap all military aircraft and turn... 

Do World Leaders Like A Good Sing Along? Of Course They Do

July 29, 2010

Do World Leaders Like A Good Sing Along? Of Course They Do

Anton Goryunov writes from Moscow: As Prime Minister Vladimir Putin reveals that during his recent meeting with the 10 Russian spies, who had been arrested in the United States and later exchanged for 4 American agents, he sang patriotic songs with them, with a live band playing in the background, we ask: could it be that world leaders are actually prone to singing along with others? Because it can’t be that only Mr Putin likes to belt out a couple of hits when he gets into the groove. Word is that at the last G8 summit in Canada the world leaders performed several classic pop hits, once all the snappers and hacks were shoved out of the conference room and the musicians smuggled in. The presiding Canadian Prime Minister, whose name usually escapes everyone, suggested that the best song to... 

The Scandal With Leaked War Files Proves One Thing: Washington Is Crap At PR

July 28, 2010

The Scandal With Leaked War Files Proves One Thing: Washington Is Crap At PR

Anton Goryunov writes: Pardon me for asking, but how come the US government that spends billions on intelligence gathering and keeps an army of advisors did not have a contingency plan in place to counter any possible leak of damaging information about the war in Afghanistan? Is there a certain slowness of the thinking process registered in the US corridors of power? Or could it be that officials in Washington are under the impression that all that stuff in Jason Bourne films is actually true and they can make things go away with a touch of a button? Let’s face it – this massive leakage was bound to happen sooner or later. When you have a war that’s been going on for ages, without much success and a lot of indiscriminate killing of civilians going on, you’re bound to come to a point... 

Does Kim Jong Il Have The Balls To Push The Nuclear Button?

July 27, 2010

Does Kim Jong Il Have The Balls To Push The Nuclear Button?

Adam Lovejoy writes: As North Korea threatens to launch a nuclear strike against South Korea, in response to the massive US/South Korean naval exercises codenamed Operation Invincible Spirit in the Sea of Japan, we ask: does Kim Jong Il, the North Korean leader and a closet homosexual, have the balls to push the nuclear button? Is it easy for a dictator to start a nuclear war? And, finally, who the hell comes up with all those stupid codenames for American war games? If you think about it, it’s very hard to imagine that a fanatical leader would press the nuclear button without thinking of the consequences for himself. In fact, the only time the atom bomb was used without really giving much thought to what would happen next was during the last Big War, and it was democratic America and not... 

ConDem Coalition Decides To Adopt A Macho Look. After That Brokeback Jibe

July 26, 2010

ConDem Coalition Decides To Adopt A Macho Look. After That Brokeback Jibe

R.F.Wilson writes: Here’s some breaking news for you: last Friday at a secret meeting of the ConLibDem cabinet at PM David Cameron’s country residence in Chequers it was decided that the coalition government needs to adopt a new tough talking no nonsense image, following revelations that some of the Tory right-wing backbenchers in the Commons view the front bench as a gathering of wimps and sissies who are in touch with their feminine side. Confused, bewildered? I bet you are. Who wouldn’t be. The scandal broke out earlier last week when that man of steel, Conservative MP David Davis, was overheard in a wine bar comparing the cabinet to a ‘Brokeback Coalition’. Anyone, who has seen the Oscar winning film Brokeback Mountain, or at least heard of its content, would realise what Mr Davis,... 

The Big Day Is Coming. Chelsea Clinton Is To Become An Honest Woman At Last

July 25, 2010

The Big Day Is Coming. Chelsea Clinton Is To Become An Honest Woman At Last

Anton Goryunov writes: You may not be aware of it, people, but the biggest celebrity bash of the year in the US is slowly but surely approaching. In about a weeks’ time, on July 31st, Chelsea Clinton is finally going to become an honest woman and marry her sweetheart, Mark Mezvinsky, an investment banker from Goldman Sachs, in a small town of Rhinebeck, upstate New York. The list of guests is impressive. Papa Bill will be there, leading his daughter down the aisle, and Mama Hillary will be there as well. President Barack Obama and First Lady Michelle are rumoured to be coming, although people claiming to be working for the White House have been hinting that the Obamas would rather be seen dead than attend the Clinton bash. Even more importantly, though, is that singing and acting legend Barbara... 

Pearls Of Wisdom. From The Stirring Trouble Team

July 24, 2010

Pearls Of Wisdom. From The Stirring Trouble Team

Today we present more pearls of wisdom. From the Stirring Trouble team. Bad corruption is everywhere. In the past you paid politicians and got things done. Now they just take the money and do nothing. All you studs out there: quit seducing married women, you pricks! Don’t you have enough single broads who are willing and ready? How did is happen that in the past 20 years grey mediocrities took over television all over the world, peddling absolute crap on it? The problem with politicians is not just that they suck, but that their aides and advisors are no good. That’s the main reason for all the mess. People obsess about news because it gives them a sense of importance and something to talk about. Whereas most news is total rubbish. The golden rule of the Russian mob states: never... 

Fly On The Wall Coverage Of President Obama’s One-On-One Meeting With PM Cameron

July 23, 2010

Fly On The Wall Coverage Of President Obama’s One-On-One Meeting With PM Cameron

Anton Goryunov writes from Moscow: I don’t know about you, people, but I would have liked to be the fly on the wall in the White House during the one-on-one meeting between President Barack Obama and the visiting British Prime Minister David Cameron. You know, a big fly, with excellent hearing and good stickiness in my six legs so that I could hang above the two great world statesmen and savour every word they exchanged between themselves. And even though I can’t turn into a fly I can still imagine if I was one. The power of imagination has no limits, as you know, especially if it is based on what we saw and heard in Washington. So here goes. President Obama (PO): Now let’s get this straight right from the start, Dave: I don’t really like Britain and anything that has the word ‘British’... 

More Breaking News. From The Stirring Trouble Team

July 22, 2010

More Breaking News. From The Stirring Trouble Team

Today we present more spoof breaking news items. From the boys at Stirring Trouble. Breaking News: David Cameron insists he isn’t a poodle to President Obama. I’ll do what I’m told, but in a dignified manner, he explains. Breaking News: White House reveals visiting British PM David Cameron was given special treatment. We served him crappy food so that he could feel at home, spokesman says. Breaking News: Washington reveals tension between President Obama and PM Cameron increased after they exchanged presents which turned out to be huge disappointments for both sides. Breaking News: Scottish Executive denies there was any deal over Lockerbie bomber. The Libyans simply offered us money in exchange for his release and we agreed, officials explain. Breaking News: Asked whether he... 

Conference On Afghanistan: It’s The Lack Of Booze That Turned It Into A Farce

July 21, 2010

Conference On Afghanistan: It’s The Lack Of Booze That Turned It Into A Farce

R.F.Wilson writes: When you have a big international gathering of politicians the crucial thing is to serve them booze in abundance. If it flows like the mighty Old Man River, then things tend to go relatively smoothly and not that many stupid decisions are taken. Actually, if the international gathering is lubricated properly, very few decisions are taken at all, as the delegates and guests are simply too pissed to do anything. But if the booze is limited or not served at all, like it happened at the international conference on Afghanistan in Kabul, then things tend to get out of control as the people involved come up with the most outrageous ideas and suggestions. Following this logic it was a huge mistake to organise the latest international conference on Afghanistan in Kabul. Booze is banned... 

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