Today we present more pearls of wisdom. From the Stirring Trouble team. Strange that everyone has forgotten the main rule of capitalism: if you can get away with it, you should. Once upon a time there were no banks in the world. And it was good. You mock their religion, and they just stare at you. You say something critical about their favourite footballer, and they go apeshit. All this talk about China becoming a superpower is rubbish. A communist [...]

Dan Majestic writes: Have you been buying and, even more importantly, eating sausages lately? You know, those penis-shaped objects in plastic packs? The ones that are labelled as containing no less than 70 per cent meat? (What is then the other 30 per cent, I wonder?) Yes, there were times, ladies and gents, when these hot favourites of any family meal – collective meal or individual, with each family member eating in his or her room – were really tasty. [...]

R.F.Wilson writes as if he’s nuts: I can’t stand people crossing the streets. Bloody pedestrians! They come up to a crossing and have that look in their eyes as if we, drivers, owe them something. And so we stop, cursing them for wasting our time. What’s there on the other side of the road that they so desperately need all of a sudden? The way I see it, there’s not much difference between the two sides. So why can’t the [...]

Adam Lovejoy writes: Here’s another chunk of the ‘dictated version’ of Tony Blair’s memoirs. Allegedly. He could well have dictated them first, and later it was turned into a book called A Journey. The problem with the book itself, on which we’ve based our imaginary dictation, is that by chapter four it becomes excruciatingly boring. That’s why we decided to keep our version as concise and short as we could, to avoid the risk of getting sucked into the horrible [...]

Dan Majestic writes from New York: Let’s cast a cynical look around the world, so that you can get at least some idea of what’s really going on. We are supposed to watch with trepidation as the future of the Middle East peace process hangs in the balance, with the moratorium on building new Israeli settlements on the occupied Palestinian territories having expired and the Palestinian President Mahmud Abbas threatening to walk out of the talks with Israeli PM Benjamin [...]

Dan Majestic writes from New York: Crazy things are happening around the world. Let me take you on a roller coaster ride, people, and tell about some crazy goings on. First stop, New York, where the UN General Assembly, a useless gathering of 192 nations, is taking place at the moment. And you’ll never guess what happened here: a summit on poverty and hunger happened. Yep, for two whole days world leaders were discussing ways of ending poverty and starvation. [...]

Today we present more hilarious breaking news items. From the boys at Stirring Trouble. Breaking News: At a summit of world leaders in New York on the Millennium Development Goals things are said about poor people that are not for the fainthearted. Breaking News: US and UK delegates who walked out of the UN General Assembly during President Ahmadinejad’s speech admit they fancied a pint. Breaking News: UN summit on poverty concludes that it’s better to be rich and healthy [...]

Adam Lovejoy writes: So, Tony Blair’s memoirs are out. In hardback, with his grinning mug on it. It’s called A Journey. Although it could have been called The Smell Of Fear, as it has a lot of fear in it. We are told that he wrote it himself. Took time from making all his millions and wrote it. When did Blair write anything himself? Just asking. Well, I sat down to read the volume, all 700 pages of it, and [...]

R.F.Wilson writes: It happened again yesterday: I stepped on a chewing gum that someone had spit out on the pavement and spent a good quarter of an hour trying to scrub the disgusting piece of sticky rubbery substance from the sole of my shoe with a coin. I got so angry at one point that I threw the coin as far as possible and just stood there, trying to get my senses together. Why do people go around chewing gum. [...]

Dan Majestic writes from New York: You may not know this, people, but the main session of the 65th General Assembly of the United Nations is about to begin in New York this week. Check out the exciting theme of the general debate: ‘Reaffirming the central role of the United Nations in global governance.’ Is it exciting or what? It’s not really, but as it was proposed by the President of the General Assembly, a certain Joseph Deiss (he insists [...]