EU Practicing Black Magic? Sure Looks Like It

November 26, 2010

EU Denies Promoting Devil Worship. We’re Not That Radical, It Say. Not Yet At Least Anton Goryunov writes from Brussels: As the crisis with the euro engulfs the European Union, rumours abound that its unelected leaders are turning to black magic to make  everyone think that the European currency remains strong and that things generally are not as bad as they look. Sources say it’s all part of the grand plan to replace mainstream religions in Europe with devil worship and the occult, that are seen as reflective of most current EU policies. One senior EU official has told Stirring Trouble, off the record, that black magic is being practiced in the EU headquarters more and more often, to get the hang of it before it becomes legal and obligatory.

Word has it that the President of the European Council, Herman Van Rompuy, is a keen enthusiast of the occult and has been known to favour animal and human sacrifices in his native Belgium in the past to celebrate his birthdays. Mr Van Rompuy, who looks a lot like a vampire and is not ashamed to admit it in private, has never said it openly, but it’s understood that he favours turning Charles Darwin’s theory of evolution into a new religion that could replace Christianity and Judaism, both of which, in his opinion, introduce unreasonable limitations on human behaviour. EU officials, it is rumoured, favour Darwin’s funky, anything goes approach to human nature and casual sex.

Most commissioners in Brussels have always been evasive about their religious beliefs, but it is understood that they would support some sort of compromise that would allow the 27 nations in Europe to gradually turn their backs on Christianity and move to a more modernised set of beliefs. As one commissioner told me, strictly off the record, ‘it does sound a bit odd when grown up people believe in an Almighty God, sitting up there in the skies, and watching all of us, intently.’ ‘It’s time to grow up,’ he added, having drunk several large vodkas that were put on my tab, ‘to start believing in things that really exist, like NATO, the Human Rights Act, multiculturalism, global warming and Harry Potter.’

Rumours that the EU is influenced by black magic and the occult are not groundless. First of all, most of the top people in Brussels look, talk and walk like devil worshippers. One glance at Manuel Jose Barroso, the President of the European Commission, says it all really. Secondly, the recent decision by the EC to make Christmas Day a working day in Brussels did give a hint of things to come. Thirdly, omission of any mention of religion in the new EU constitution, that goes under the title of the Lisbon treaty, is a bit of a giveaway as well. Not to mention, fourthly, the fancy dress orgy planned for New Year’s Eve in EU’s headquarters in Brussels, when all the guest will come dressed as wizards, vampires and witches.

Another piece of news that has been going around Brussels is that the top brass in the EU often refer to the Union as the New Tower of Babel. In fact, there have been reports that President Van Rompuy and his gorgeous sidekick, Baroness Ashton, have been playfully suggesting building the Tower of Babel in Brussels, to celebrate the adoption of the Lisbon treaty. It is understood both leaders feel that money would not be a problem. ‘We are a f..king Tower of Babel already, in all but architecture,’ Ms Ashton has been quoted as saying at a recent piss-up in Brussels. ‘What’s the problem with building a real one?’

While devil worship is not yet an official practice among EU officials the momentum for adopting it as a new religion is gathering momentum. EU leaders hope that any reservation that the Pope and other religious figures might have against the move may be overcome with threats of making Judaism and Christianity illegal and punishable by long prison sentences, and even burnings at the stake.

No religious leaders were available for comment on these distubing developments.

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