Why Not Visit Kosovo? A Land Of Fun And Easily Available Human Organs

December 28, 2010

Map of KosovoAnton Goryunov writes from Pristina: I don’t know about you, but I’d love to go to Kosovo. As a tourist, for a couple of crazy fun-filled days. Or maybe to buy some human organs that I might need later in life. I hear it’s the best place to get a decently prized liver or kidney.

But seriously, where in Europe would you find a country that is only two and half years old? In fact, I dare you to find a country anywhere in the world that’s only two and a half years old. And if that’s not a remarkable thing, then I don’t know what is. Apart from the decently priced human organs that is.

I’ve heard a lot of good things about Kosovo. The people who live there rejoice constantly at their new found independence. It’s just one long never ending holiday for them, considering that they are now a fully fledged independent nation, run by some of the best people imaginable. So what if some of them are criminals with a colourful past. That’s no reason not to like them. Some of the best politicians in the world have a criminal past, so what?

The importnat thing is that you can feel safe in Kosovo, as it’s crawling with EU police and security people. You can go out at night for a pee in the outside convenience and not get mugged or robbed or raped, like it happens a lot in London or Paris or New York nowadays. Tranquillity’s everywhere. Apart from the Serb populated area in the north, that is, where the locals are still bitter about having been cut off from the ‘mainland’, so to speak. But you know Serbs, they’re never satisfied with anything.

Anyway, another great thing about Kosovo is that you can buy dope at any time of day and night, for cheap. It’s a like a mini version of Afghanistan in Europe in that sense. The people who run the place were all gun runners or drug dealers in the past. So, naturally, they saw to it that the ‘goods’ remained available, and at competitive prices.

And then there are the chicks. You might not know this, but when the mighty UN had its mighty presence in Kosovo the blue helmets did a grand job of organising the sex trade so that it ran like clockwork. Great guys, these UN people. Always ready to help a young nation stand on its feet. No wonder so many African countries are begging the UN to send their boys over. To help with important things, like selling dope and providing hookers.

But I digress. The thing about Kosovo is that it has a vibrant rapidly growing economy and you can actually see signs of that economy in some places manifesting itself, if you look really, really hard. On the brighter side there is no pollution, as there are no factories about. And not that many cars around as well, which only helps the clear air to fill your lungs when you ain’t smoking.

And talking of smoking. Do you know that you can smoke anywhere in Kosovo. Even in nurseries and primary schools. No smoking ban exists in the proud country of Kosovo. Great if you are into a smoking a lot and like a fag with every pint of beer or vodka.

But most importantly of all when you visit Kosovo as a tourist is that you know you would not need to stay there for long. I guess that would be the main attraction of that young vibrant new state.

– End –

  • Renatte

    A new born country, one of the oldest nations in Europe left out of Europe in the hands of non-civilized people who pretend being a country with centruies ago.
    - Let’s see it this way: tell us about countries which are in EU membership – EU Member States, who created the force of peace and freedom and yet cannot fight evil. Why dont you take an example of a country born centries ago, and yet are far from preveting any of those mentioned in your report? Who understands the built of a better future than those who died to save their families? Who understands freedom more than those who struggled to live that for once at least?

    - Help the world if you can, and a country of yours to be a better one, but dont built your success stepping over someone’s first steps towards a better life!

  • edwina

    It is a shame for you to have posted this report. It is very disrespectful to all among Albanian people and those who live in Kosovo. Yes Kosovo is a new country and its is yet going through hard econimic times many of its people struuggle through poverty. Let me also clear this to you that Albanian people or Kosovar are muslim and they do not sell organs unlike greeks (if thats what u got confused with). Now Kosovo might not have the smartest politicians but Kosovo is yet one of the only country in the world where its people do not use drugs cocaine etc, and has the lowest crime rates in the world. It is very selfish for you being a serb and stil not being able to accept the fact that Kosovo is independent and it will be a nation with or without Serbs approval so please no matter what you will say or write whether it will take you days to write paragraphs after paragraphs just remeber that youre approval isnt needed.

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