Mata Hurry writes from New York: Disgraced ex boss of the International Monetary Fund (IMF) Dominique Strauss-Kahn seems to be the epitome of robust health nowadays, having been released on bail in New York recently. He was charged with six counts of sexual assault and another of unlawful confinement of a chambermaid at the Sofitel Hotel. DSK was granted bail at $1 million, plus another $5 million as an insurance bond – all put up by his wife, I hasten [...]

We present more spoof breaking news items. From the boys at Stirring Trouble. Breaking News: Colonel Gaddafi reveals in a frank interview that he’s slowly realising that some people just don’t like him. Breaking News: NATO denies it is targeting Gaddafi. We are just bombing the s..t out of Libya and if Gaddafi is killed by accident, well, we wouldn’t have anything to do with it really. Breaking News: Syrian President Bashar Assad admits that the uprising against him came [...]

Ted Obvious writes from London: If aliens would suddenly land in Britain and have a glance through the newspapers, as all aliens do when they visit other planets, they would probably think that the locals have gone bonkers over some plain looking over made-up broad who’d been dumped from some stupid TV show and is now going through the trauma of rejection. Yes, Cheryl Cole’s mug is all over the newsprint, tabloids leading the way, of course, front page and [...]

Dan Majestic writes from Washington: You know how it usually happens: politicians appear in public, wave and smile to the people who have gathered there and then climb on the podium, get out their notes and start reading them, as if it’s no big deal that they can’t actually address the audience without peering into their scripts. And the worst thing of all is when their speeches and addresses are written in a passionate sort of way, with the speaker [...]

Today we present more pearls of wisdom and witty comments. From the boys at Stirring Trouble. State visits are intended to be low-key protocol occasions when heads of state meet in good will. Trust Obama and Cameron to turn one into a circus. The problem with world leaders today is that most of them are not even properly educated and can’t talk without prepared notes. All spin and no substance. Scenes in central London: rich Arabs in rented flashy sports [...]

Ben Delicious writes from Zurich: Big fuss continues around allegations of corruption at the world football’s governing body Fifa. Serious doubts are cast on the re-election of Sepp Blatter, Fifa’s President, although Fifa has announced that it is going on with the vote, despite coming under pressure to postpone it. Will Fifa eventually show two fingers to the hacks, who are pretending that they have uncovered a wasp’s nest of corruption and are basking in the spotlight of their own [...]

Adam Lovejoy writes from London: Sometimes hacks of the mainstream press, heavily influenced by political correctness, lose it completely. And that’s when they need to be taken to task, the slimy lizards. And now, let’s get down to business. You may have missed it, but Labour leader Ed Miliband has married his long standing girlfriend and mother of his two children, Justine Thornton, in a low key ceremony last Friday. Ed, so that you know, is a true communist at [...]

Adam Lovejoy writes from London: What is it with people buying Chinese made junk that they don’t really need? Ok, I can understand the festive season when you have to buy presents for your next of kin, friends or work buddies, even though most of them would be thrown away or end up in charity shops. But why blow money on useless things that you could do without? I’ll be straight with you: I don’t like shopping and don’t like [...]

Adam Lovejoy writes from Zurich: I’m not going to waste my time, people, telling you that Lady Gaga sucks, as there are way too many simple minded ‘music lovers’ out there who’d still be buying her albums and, what is even more depressing, actually listening to them. I’ll say this though: you really have to be crap at singing to wear a dress made out of raw meat – and generally come across as a fashion retard. But hey, today [...]

R.F.Wilson writes from London: The British nation is aghast:  culture icon and huge musical talent, Cheryl Cole, has been unceremoniously dumped from the panel of judges in the American version of the X Factor, replaced in haste by Nicole Scherzinger – whoever she is. Conspiracy theories are flying around the council estates of the grieving Kingdom: was it something to do with Cheryl falling out with Simon Cowell, the creator of the X Factor? Did she have an affair with [...]