President Obama Spends A Day In Ireland. To Be Close To His Roots

May 24, 2011

Ben Delicious writes from Dublin: Well, now we know: President Barack Obama is Irish – through and through. Mind you, I always suspected that he had Irish blood in him. His name, his appearance, his walk and his love of hamburgers were a dead giveaway. And it was no surprise that Mr Obama received a big Irish hero’s welcome when he came to Dublin yesterday, to get back to his roots.

The visit to Ireland was a resounding success. So much so that all of the 1500 people accompanying the US President have promised their hosts to come back one day, without Mr Obama, and have a great big piss up and mock Catholic religion a lot.

It was a fun day and even the risk of Ireland going bankrupt, having blown all of its remaining money on providing security for the American guests, did not spoil the celebratory mood of the Irish people, who had gathered in Dublin to see one of their famous sons talk about himself and describe how he single-handedly took on Osama Bin Laden and won. Mr Obama got very emotional at one point and screamed his famous slogan ‘Yes, we can!’ several times in Irish, sending the crowds into a frenzy. This man can fill a stadium with no problems, even he promises to read parts of his two books that are not really all that great.

Earlier in the day President Obama visited the village of Moneygall, where his great-great-great grandfather, Falmouth Kearney, lived and toiled as a shoemaker and a local drunk, before being sent to the colonies for a misdemeanour that no one really wanted to talk about, so as not to spoil the party mood. Mr Obama and the First Lady visited the local pub, where their distant relative used to get drunk and tell his mates that one day his grand-grand-grandson would be a famous community organiser in Chicago, before becoming America’s first black president. None of his friends believed him, of course, and laughed at him, calling him the N-word and other names based on his dark complexion and black curly hair that were so unusual in those parts of Ireland.

Later in the day President Obama met the Irish Prime Minister Enda Kenny and the two leaders exchanged a few meaningless pleasantries, before discussing their hatred for the English and how they would love one day to take Great out of Great Briton for good. The two men also touched on the situation in Northern Ireland, thanking their lucky stars that they don’t have to live there because of all that violence and colonial rule.

President Obama had to cut his visit short, due the huge volcanic ash cloud that was building up over Scotland and moving ominously towards England, threatening to paralyse all air traffic. Although the eruption is the result of a top secret experiment that America is conducting to perfect the use of the weather to hold other countries hostage, like it already did with Japan causing that tsunami, the US leader pretended that his country had nothing to do with the calamity, laughing off all questions about the climate war that his country was waging on the world.

The US President is expected to continue enjoying himself during the next two days on his state visit to Britain, where he is expected to meet the Queen and tell her how his cunning plan to kill Osama Bin Laden was implemented. In return, the Queen is going to inform him about the gagging order scandal in Britain, revealing that she always suspected that it was footballer Ryan Giggs who was behind the court injunction preventing her favourite newspaper, The Sun, revealing his affair with a former model. On the second day of his state visit Mr Obama will address both houses of British parliament, to describe his feelings when he was told by the Navy Seals that they ‘got the bastard’, all thanks to his quick thinking and courage. Mr Obama will perform his version of the song I Did It My Way, in reference to his skilful handling of the killing of Bin Laden.

Later President will attend a G8 meeting in France, where he is expected to tell other world leaders about the day when he sent the Navy Seals to kill Bin Laden. And possibly raise a couple of other less important issues.

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