The World Of TV Commercials: It’s Life, But Not As We Know It

July 31, 2011

The World Of TV Commercials: It’s Life, But Not As We Know It

R.F.Wilson writes from London: Would you like to live in a world of TV commercials? You know, the one where women are easily pleased and are drawn to men who dye their hair, use a certain type of deodorant, after shave or hair gel? And where men are smitten by women who use a specific shampoo or perfume or a brand of tampons that don’t restrict their movement and make them feel so free and energetic? It is a world of easily pleased people, who tend to praise each other for not having dandruff or ask persistently what sort of washing up liquid others use and why. These people get together around a table for a family lunch or dinner and rejoice when mother surprises them with a ready-made meal that took only a couple of minutes to prepare in the microwave. There they go, chewing and smiling... 

What President Obama May Do To Convince Americans That He Ain’t A Muslim

July 30, 2011

What President Obama May Do To Convince Americans That He Ain’t A Muslim

Adam Lovejoy writes from  Washington: President Barack Obama has a problem. Allegedly a quarter of the people in the United States stubbornly think that he’s a Muslim. Some disgusting right-wing commentators even claim that up to half (!) of the populace in America keeps an open mind about the whole thing – in a sinister sort of way, as regards their voting intentions. Now, there are different opinions as to why Mr Obama, who has been saying all along that he’s a Christian, is suspected of being a Muslim. First of all, it’s his middle name. It’s a very Muslim sounding middle name, especially if you put ‘Saddam’ before it. Then there’s the suspicion that as Mr Obama was born into a family with long standing Muslim traditions he may have absorbed them and become a Muslim... 

9/11, And My Huge Respect For Islam. Tony Blair Recalls

July 29, 2011

9/11, And My Huge Respect For Islam. Tony Blair Recalls

Adam Lovejoy writes from London: Today we present another instalment of our parody on Tony Blair’s memoirs that he had ‘dictated’ to his aides, before it became a book. This chapter in the original is called 9/11: Shoulder To Shoulder, whereas in our exciting ‘dictated version’ it’s called 9/11, And My Huge Respect For Islam. I have to tell you that initially we had our doubts about this part of the book, considering the nature of events described in it. But after glancing through the chapter in the book we decided we simply couldn’t leave it out. And we didn’t. So here goes: It is amazing how quickly shock is absorbed and the natural rhythm of the human spirit reasserts itself… Why are you all frowning? This is a very important chapter. I’ll be telling about my outstanding... 

More Pearls Of Wisdom. From The Boys At Stirring Trouble

July 29, 2011

More Pearls Of Wisdom. From The Boys At Stirring Trouble

Today we present more pearls of wisdom and witty comments from the boys at Stirring Trouble. So, 2000 years later it has become politically correct to bash Christianity in civilised Europe. Go figure, eh? Let’s be brutally honest about it people: films with Bruce Lee suck. He basically did himself a favour by dying young. Technically speaking the West has become one giant dictatorship, once political correctness became official government policy. When a baby makes your life hell with its crying in a public place you can always call the baby stranglers. These guys are quick and efficient. President Obama is a cool dude, no doubt about it. Shame he doesn’t do anything much apart from staying cool. The fact that the girl found in India who looks like Madeline McCann is 40 and has three children... 

Me And The Ordinaries. Tony Blair Remembers

July 28, 2011

Me And The Ordinaries. Tony Blair Remembers

Adam Lovejoy writes from London: It’s that time again, people. We present another instalment of Tony Blair’s ‘dictated’ version of his memoirs. In the original this chapter is called Managing Crises, but it goes under the title, Managing Britain: Me And The Ordinaries, in our imaginary version. I left for holiday at the end of July with the focus on public service reform. I came back at the end of August and found naturally that the focus had shifted to the thought that an election could be anticipated in May 2001; this was the run-up… What, you think it’s a boring opening for a chapter? Look, like all great politicians of my time I’m allowed to be boring. So this opening stays. In fact, I want the whole opening paragraph to be in the same seriously boring style, proving... 

Asking: Which One’s Tougher, The Russian Mob Or Al Qaeda?

July 28, 2011

Asking: Which One’s Tougher, The Russian Mob Or Al Qaeda?

Dan Majestic writes from Washington: Posing burning questions is what we do best at Stirring Trouble. Here’s a brain teaser for you: who’s tougher, the Russian mob or Al Qaeda? Not an easy one, eh? On the face of it, you’d be sort of inclined to go for the fanatics from Al Qaeda, keeping in mind their dedication to suicide bombings and other crazy things. But if you think long and hard, you’d find yourself opting for the Russian mob. These hoods have a lot of money to spend, they’ve got more guns and more influence in the corridors of power than prettyt much anyone else and, most importantly, they’ve got the former KGB people working for them. So, on balance they’re much tougher and more dangerous than the Al Qaeda boys, even though they don’t blow themselves up. Which is... 

Social Media? It’s Been Hijacked By Politicians, Celebs And Mainstream Media

July 27, 2011

Social Media? It’s Been Hijacked By Politicians, Celebs And Mainstream Media

Ted Obvious writes from London: You might not realise this, but Social Media has been successfully hijacked by politicians, celebs and mainstream media hacks, who in an ideal situation should have been be kept away from it. Hundreds of thousands and even millions of mugs – I have no other word for them – follow these creeps religiously, treating everything they say on their blogs as if it’s some divine wisdom. They don’t even bother to think that what they are doing is helping to turn Social Media into an advertising billboard for self-obsessed publicity junkies and allow hacks to peddle the same sort of rubbish as they do on air or in their respective organs of print. The whole idea behind the social networks was to create an alternative source of information and allow people to comment... 

More Pearls Of Wisdom. From The Boys At Stirring Trouble

July 27, 2011

More Pearls Of Wisdom. From The Boys At Stirring Trouble

Today we present more pearls of wisdom and witty comments from the boys at Stirring Trouble. Disturbingly not one G20 summit has produced anything of any substance. Apart from the huge bills that the taxpayers have to pay. The way things are going in America and Europe there’s bound to be a big war soon – to distract the populace. China looks a likely target. But of course all serious economists are asking themselves: how big is Chancellor George Osborne’s off shore bank balance? The so-called debit crisis in the US is not really a crisis. It is a manifestation that politicians in Washington are incompetent as hell and have no idea how to solve the economic problems of the country. Democracy in the West has seized to exist once the money men took control of politicians. It’s... 

Partying The Night Away. Tony Blair Remembers

July 26, 2011

Partying The Night Away. Tony Blair Remembers

Adam Lovejoy writes from London: Today we present another instalment of our parody on Tony Blair’s memoirs that he supposedly dictated to his aides before it was turned into a book. For those of you, who haven’t read the book, and that’s probably most of you out there, it reveals a man who actually didn’t know how to occupy himself and what to do all day while being Prime Minister, and so he tried his hand at all sorts of things and ended up screwing them badly. Chapter 8 in the original book is called Forces Of Conservatism, but goes under the title Partying The Night Away With The Queen. And Other Awesome Stuff in our fantasy version. Enjoy: Right people, ready when you are. Here goes: The ‘forces of conservatism speech’ at the party conference in September 1999 has marked the... 

Pearls Of Wisdom. From The Boys At Stirring Trouble

July 26, 2011

Pearls Of Wisdom. From The Boys At Stirring Trouble

Today we present more pearls of wisdom and witty comments from the boys at Stirring Trouble. If the current world leaders wouldn’t have managed to weasel into power they would struggle to find a job. Every single one of them. Coldplay is the sort of band you dislike even more when you’re drunk. Which is a disaster for any pop group. Russell Brand comes up with a pathetic tribute to Amy Winehouse, calling drug addiction a disease, and some people fall for that shit. Rating agencies should be banned. They stand accused of colluding with banks and financial markets to make a fortune for speculators. If President Barack Obama manages to bankrupt America it would be another ‘first’ in his political career. Once upon a time there was a simple girl called Katie and she dreamt of bagging... 

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