Newt’s Amnesty For Illegal Immigrants. And How About Some Craziness From Others?

November 25, 2011

Dan Majestic writes from Washington: As the current front-runner in the Republican nomination race, Newt Gingrich, promises to introduce an amnesty for all illegal immigrants in America if he gets elected, how about other potential presidential candidates coming up with some seriously radical proposals, hostile to their nature but capable of tilting the balance of public opinion in their favour – or at least giving everyone a shock?

Take Mitt Romney, the former front-runner in the race, who is a Mormon by religion and insists that he enjoys every moment of it. How about Mitt saying that he would ban religion and promote atheism if he gets elected? I know, I know, it sounds drastic, but it’s still catchy and progressive, in a Bill Clinton sort of way, so who knows, the growing atheist community might like it a lot. And considering that atheism is considered cool by so many these days in America, Mr Romney might end up taking on President Barack Obama next November.

And then there’s Rick Perry, who was once the front-runner as well, who might opt for something really controversial, like legalising dope – all across the board, from pot to heroin. Now that would be something, eh, coming from a Texas Governor? Mr Perry, who has suffered a slump due to his forgetfulness of things he should really know by heart, like his own policy initiatives, can tell Americans that once he becomes President, all drugs would be available 24/7/365, at all good retail outlets. No more worries about getting arrested, fined or prosecuted. Inject your dope with pride, would be the motto of whole communities, like it is happening now in Los Angeles and New York only.

And then there’s Herman Cain, again once a front-runner, but currently suffering a set-back, caused by his unpreparedness to actually know where Libya is and what it is exactly. Not to mention his healthy appetitive for chicks. Well, why don’t Mr Cain, who is a former pizza chain boss, come out and say it loud and clear: I am going to abolish income taxation and raise money by sending troops abroad and pillaging other countries. It would go down a storm with all Americans, both left, right and centre. Especially as America is used to having most of its troops stationed abroad anyway, pillaging here and there, but without the gusto that Mr Cain would introduce, once he becomes Commander-in-Chief.

And then there’s the lovely Michelle Bachmann, congresswoman from Minnesota, the pin-up of the Tea Party, who could do a bit of a turn around and whack the electorate with the promise of letting them pesky gays run things not just in Hollywood but pretty much everywhere. And throw in a free boob job for every woman and even every man, who are into that sort of thing. And why not? Michelle’s chances of getting the nomination are very slim, so she needs a bit of drama in her campaign.

And what about Ron Paul, the congressman from Texas, a self-confessed libertarian, who might raise the stakes by promising to introduce military rule in vast parts of America, so that people living there would feel good about themselves and crime would fall to a remarkable low. Yes, sure, it sounds drastic, but who knows, there might be folks out there who’d find this refreshing, coming from a libertarian.

And then there’s the smooth talking Jon Huntsman, the favourite dark-horse in the race, former ambassador to China, who could liven up the proceedings by promising to make Mandarin the official language in America. With the prospect of China taking over America without a shot fired, in return for all those debts written off, that would be mighty handy, especially considering that people would be able to exchange a joke with their Chinese prison guards and enjoy slave labour even more.

There are obviously other people in the race, but I suppose it would enough to give you a taste of how the Republican candidates for the presidential nomination can make an impact on the race. Mind you, as none of them have a chance in the world to unseat Mr Obama – see him grinning on the image to this piece – they can basically say whatever they want. Just like Newt did.