Ben Delicious writes from Canberra: Big, big story has erupted in Australia with very few people paying much attention to it over here: the influential magazine, Woman’s Day, has published a dozen unremarkable photos of Prince Williams and wife Kate, aka the Duke and the Duchess of Cambridge (why Cambridge of all places?) honeymooning on the Seychelles. The dramatic snaps portray the royal couple relaxed and at ease with themselves, looking gorgeous basically. Readers of the magazine didn’t really pay much attention to the photos of Kate and William, being Australian and republicans and probably pissed out of their brains most of the time.
But reports coming from London reveal that the Cambridges are livid with Woman’s Day and consider that it was a gross infringement of their privacy and human rights. As one source who said he was close to St James Palace said, what if the couple had had an exclusive arrangement with some glossy celeb magazine? Imagine the consequences.
Yes, indeed. The consequences of it are hard to imagine.
It appears that the Cambridges were determined to keep their honeymoon on the Seychelles a strictly private occasion, with any photos that were made kept under wraps for a possible sale later at some auction, if the monarchy in Britain is abolished and they fall on hard times.
The really scandalous aspect of the whole affair seems to be that the British press has been sticking to an unwritten agreement not to infringe on the couple’s privacy and let them have their own private moments as much as possible. So it is easy to understand how angry the British hacks must be to lose a golden opportunity to publish a set of irrelevant photos of the Cambridges with no hint of any proper nudity.
The big question that is being asked by people who have nothing else better to do is how on earth did Woman’s Day get hold of the photos. Some experts say that it could have been some fisherman who spotted the couple walking along the beach and snapped them on his mobile phone, later following them around – as fishermen do – for the ten days they spent there, taking more photos.
Word comes from London that a royal spokesman made it absolutely clear that the Cambridges are devastated by the revelation of their romantic stay on the Seychelles and would be using camouflage next time they holiday abroad, pretending to be a couple of chavs, sucking beer from cans and burping loudly, temporary tattoos painted all over them David Beckham style, for more realism.
Mind you, these photos are peanuts compared to what Aussie rags have been reporting about the British Royal family in the past, including the revelation about Prince Harry joining the British troops in Afghanistan in 2008, forcing him to cut short his stay, just when he was getting in the groove of things. Another rag had published photos of Princess Diana and Jemima Khan, making all sorts of strange comparisons between them.
It is still not clear whether Britain will be breaking off diplomatic relations with Australia over the outrage with the photos but it is clear that both Prince William and his other half will now be telling a lot of rude jokes about the Aussies and how thick and stupid they are.