Mark Donahue writes from Washington: A high level source outside the White House, with vast knowledge of what goes inside it, alleges that CIA operatives waterboarded Nakoula Basseley Nakoulathe, the producer of the anti-Islamic extended video that the Obama Administration blames for the recent violence in the Middle East and pretty much everywhere else. (It is even thinking of blaming it for the mess in the American economy, if the opinion polls go against it.)

The source claims that late on Friday night President Barack Obama had a lengthy phone conversation with some CIA dudes and, as a result, the producer was taken away from Los Angeles to an undisclosed destination abroad, where he was waterboarded and forced to read large passages from Mr Obama’s two bestselling books which he wrote all by himself.

A man calling himself ‘President Obama’s spokesperson’ gave the following take on the matter to a group of people who called themselves ‘reporters:

‘After speaking with some CIA dudes the President gave the order to have the producer of the anti-Islamic video that caused deadly attacks on our embassies across the world to be moved to a secret location for his own personal safety. Disclosing any details would undermine the reason he was relocated in the first place, which of course was in the interest of his personal safety. But I can say that after a lengthy discussion with covert intelligence operatives the producer begged and pleaded for a chance to make a nice movie about Islam.’

When asked if the producer had been waterboarded, Mr Obama’s spokesperson said:

‘When a video is made that incites peace loving people to resort to deadly violence, it’s the job of the US Government to single out the people who are behind it and distance itself from them. I want to state for the record that the Obama Administration at no time during the watching of this video enjoyed it or cheered loudly. The President wants the nation to know that he feels very sorry if any Muslims in any part of the world were hurt by the content of the video or by the description of its content to them by others.’

Yesterday the State Department released a video on YouTube with actors representing President Obama and Secretary of State Hillary Clinton, delivering messages on their behalf to the world’s Muslim community about the video that has caused so much suffering to its members. Following is a partial transcript of their statements:

Male actor in drag portraying Secretary of State, Hillary Clinton:

Let me state very clearly, and I hope it is obvious from looking at me, that I did not enjoy watching the vile video. I would even go as far as saying that I didn’t understand what it was about and why the background music was so loud. Nevertheless, as my husband Bill would have said, America’s commitment to tolerance for Islam is matched only by its intolerance of Christianity. We vow to redeem ourselves in the eyes of the gentle, fun-loving Muslim people around the world. Take it away, Barack.

Female actor portraying President Barack Obama:

As the Commander in Chief of the United States I have asked some people in the CIA to interview the person responsible for the despicable and repugnant video that mocked everything that America holds sacred. It is vitally important to our reputation in the Muslim community that we make them feel loved and accepted. Since the beginning of my administration the United States has been a nation that respects religious faiths. With the exception of Christianity, I reject all efforts that denigrate religious beliefs. Now, although I understand your anger, I would really appreciate that you put aside your eagerness to maim, rape and murder until after the election in November. Once I’m re-elected, you can resume avenging your beloved apostle of peace without interference from the United States.

This morning lawyers for the producer of the video said their client is heavily sedated and looking forward to several years of basket weaving in a government controlled mental health facility.

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