Ed Tells Comrades Tories Have Failed To Sort Out The Mess In The Economy. That Labour Had Left Behind

Adam Lovejoy writes from Manchester: As big Ed Miliband was delivering his ‘very personal’ speech yesterday at the annual Labour party bash, the question most hacks had on their mind was: what’s he on?

Yes, Red Ed is like that. He looks as if he’s on something when he speaks in public, eyes bulging, movements uncoordinated, head looking somewhat bigger than it should be and, most importantly, talking absolute bollocks. I bet the Tories are still quietly praying that Ed holds on to his brief until May 2015. In case you don’t know this, it’s Cameron’s boys mostly who are spreading rumours that Ed is going from strength to strength, boosting Labour popularity. And the idiots among the Labour supporters are buying this rubbish, along with some scribblers.

Anyway, Ed told the Comrades that he’s a one nation man, a visionary similar to Disraeli, for some bizarre reason, who would know what to do if he’s allowed to sneak into Number 10. No big deal that he hasn’t a single worthwhile policy to offer. But hey, even the great Tony Blair came to power offering pretty much nothing apart from his cheesy smile. And look how well he’s done out of it in the end: left the country in ruins and is worth something like 100 million smackers by now.

The big selling point of Ed’s speech was that after two – yes, two long years of Tory rule the gigantic mess that Labour had left behind had become even worse. Well, he didn’t actually accept that it was Labour who bankrupted good old Britain to a crisp. But he stressed that the Tories had had all the time in the world to make a difference but showed their incompetence and failed miserably.

And the Comrades saw where he was coming from and jumped to their feet cheering wildly. Just like they went nuts when Ed reminded them that unlike the toffs in the current government he graduated from a comprehensive school and learned things the hard way.

The Labour leader also revealed to the hushed audience that he was a person of faith and when the most hardened of atheists in the hall started to gasp for breath, he quickly explained that it was not a religious sort of faith that he was talking about. And then he gave it to them straight: ‘I believe,’ he said, ‘that we have a duty to leave the world in a better shape than we found it in. (More worried faces in the audience as people recollected the way the last Labour government had walked off the scene.) I believe we cannot shrug our shoulders at injustice and just say that is the way the world is, and I believe we can overcome any odds if we come together as people.’

That was the one nation wrapping. Labour is now the one nation party, according to Ed, which cares for everyone in equal measure. Brave new world of leftie la-la land.

There was also a well rehearsed attack on the Tories, delivered in one breath, but with the one nation theme missing all of a sudden. Ed called them ‘incompetent, hopeless, out-of-touch, U-turning, pledge-breaking, make-it-up-as-you-go-along, back-of-the-envelope, miserable shower’. Any similarities with the last Labour government were quickly rejected by most people in the hall. No, no, they said, we were nothing like that. Even when Gordon was in charge.

Another big story of the day was the news that Alistair Campbell, the once director of communications at Number 10 with a skill for sexing up certain documents was thinking of entering politics as an MP in 2015, due to an overwhelming demand.

Who says that Labour are not a down to earth party?

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