Dan Majestic writes from New York: Comedians these days make a lot of mullah. Mainstream ones, that is, who reach the heights of their profession, filling stadiums and selling loads of DVDs of their gigs. But there are certain rules in this game, you see, and you have to follow them to achieve fame and fortune on the comedy circuit.
The thing to keep in mind about modern mainstream comedy is that it doesn’t need to be funny. Bland and irrelevant are perfectly acceptable, as long as you stick to political correctness, champion left-wing causes and hammer right-wingers of all persuasions, even if they’ve long been dead. And when I say stick to PC and champion left-wing causes I mean extreme PC and loony left. Mainstream comedy nowadays is 100 per cent progressive, a one-way street with no right turns on it. And if you stick to the left you’ll be rich and famous and even sexually fulfilled as you’ll have money to pull chicks who like progressive comedy and laugh like hyenas on hearing bland leftie jokes.
But there are other things as well that are very popular in mainstream comedy and bring instant results. How about indiscriminate use of the F-word and the C-word that add so much needed ‘edge’ to your material. The audiences love it, the critics love it and it saves you the trouble of coming up with any funny stuff. This is politically correct comedy at its best. Just as talking in silly voices and pulling silly faces works wonders these days as well. Half of the bloody comedy scene has become famous by talking in silly voices and pulling silly faces. The whole cast of Saturday Night Live was and still is like that. Not to mention Jon Stewart of The Daily Show fame and the lot on Mock The Week, the abysmal supposedly satirical show on the BBC. Another star of talking in silly voices is Michael McIntyre whose meteoric rise to fame was swift, even though it takes a strong person to sit through his gig.
Taking the piss at the expense of religion does absolute wonders for any comedy career. The opportunities are endless here. You can go over the top and still get rave reviews and the adoration of the hard core fans of comedy, as most of them like nothing better than to hear some blasphemy wrapped up as humour. Mind you, you can find yourself detached from your bollocks if you’re not careful about Islam. Taking a pop at Judaism and Christianity is so much safer.
Observational humour has been helping comedians to achieve fame quickly. It’s bland, irrelevant and not really funny, yes, but boy is it safe and fits so well into our politically correct times. People don’t feel threatened by observational humour.
Toilet humour? Very, very reliable method of achieving success on the comedy scene. No mines on that field. You can talk about sitting on the bog as much as you want and people just love it. Just like they love to hear about sexual intercourse in all its glorious detail. Penetrational sex is such a lively subject, isn’t it? Any sensible progressive comedian can rely on it to raise a good laugh.
But there are subjects that any aspiring funny man or woman should never mock. It includes multiculturalism, diversity, racism awareness, feminism, prostitution, booze and dope. These are no go areas for any modern comedian. And God forbid mentioning gays in any way that people may find offensive. That would be the end of the road for sure.
Having a go at big business and bankers is another no-no for mainstream progressive comedians as getting sponsorship deals and advertising contracts these days is an important part of a successful comedy career. So don’t blow your chances of getting paid a fortune for advertising some insurance company, bank or a tampon.
With all this in mind, you can go out there and make a career for yourself in mainstream comedy.