Imagine If Joseph Stalin Were Alive. He Would Have Delivered An Uplifting New Year Message

Anton Goryunov reports from Moscow: Imagine for a moment if Joseph Stalin came alive and delivered his New Year message to the people of the former USSR and far beyond.

He would have been a happy man, Stalin – Man Of Steel in Russian, by the way – considering the re-emergence of communism and socialism all across the world, with most parts of the old Soviet empire keeping the communist mentality intact and communist China turning into a global superpower, all thanks to the greed of Western bankers. (Stalin always liked to repeat Vladimir Lenin’s insistence that communists will hang capitalists with the rope that they would buy from them.)

Comrade Stalin would have been over the Moon with another Soviet empire having emerged in Europe, the European Union, which is run by unelected bureaucrats, all former socialists and communists, who come up with the most astonishing idiotic left-wing decisions, using political correctness just as the Soviet communists did to silence anyone who disagreed with them. The EU has its own commissars who call themselves commissioners but are different only in name. They are all unelected and unaccountable to anyone but the EU top bosses and have imposed a single currency, the euro, that works so much like the Soviet rouble and is propped up by nothing but empty promises. This whole set up is so Soviet that Comrade Stalin would have been rubbing his hands with glee and giggling to himself.

‘The greatest achievement of communist comrades’, Stalin would have said in his New Year speech, ‘was to convince everyone that communism has disappeared from Europe and the world. It has not. It is still alive and kicking and will soon be the ruling ideology in the whole of the universe. For if there are other civilizations out there they would be mad not to embrace communism.’

And he would not be far off, the nasty little man, who had left a dump at the altar of a church in Tbilisi when some of his fellow Bolsheviks doubted his loyalty as he had been attending a seminary for a year and might have been religious. Yes, the way governments across the world have bailed out the failed banks is a classic example of communist handling of an economic crisis. The banking industry is now subsidised by taxpayers’ money. If that is not the way Comrade Stalin would have handled it then it is difficult to imagine what he would have done differently. He subsidised most of the Soviet industry, in order to convince everyone that communism was working. So how was he different from Western governments that have subsidised the banks to the tune of trillions to prove that the rotten system is still working?

Comrade Stalin would have also been very impressed by the way the West had been launching wars on false pretences, invading Iraq, Afghanistan and, more recently, Libya and waging a covert war in Syria. All in the name of freedom and people’s power. That is classical Stalin who had sent his troops into neighbouring countries to ‘liberate’ the locals and let people power triumph there.

‘Dear comrades,’ Stalin would have said in his New Year address, ‘the communist ideas that I have aspired to all my life are triumphing all over the world again, even though in some places they are given slightly different titles. In America, our greatest enemy in the past, Comrade Obama is dismantling capitalism like there is no tomorrow and I am very proud of him. Our supporters have taken control over schools and universities, government ministries, art, cinema and broadcasting, toiling endlessly to convince as many people as possible that right-wing politics are always dangerous and that communism is the only way forward. The name of Karl Marx is now mentioned with awe and respect. Leading economists and government officials acknowledge that he was right about capitalism not working. This is a victory for all comrades across the world’.

Comrade Stalin would have had a lot of warm words to say about atheism spreading across the world, with all the three major religions finding themselves under attack. In his days as Soviet leader he had ordered thousands of churches razed to the ground and hundreds of thousands of monks, nuns, priests and believers shot. But he never reckoned that it could be achieved peacefully, with the film industry, television, radio and computer games unleashing atheist propaganda on a daily basis at people. Not to mention that the theory of his idol, Charles Darwin, is still taught in all schools in the world, even though it is to science what syphilis is to a happy marriage.

‘I would like to say a big thank you’, Stalin would have said in his New Year message, ‘to all politicians, academics, artists, writers and entertainers for preaching the communist message and making sure that it is picked up by millions. Three cheers for modern capitalism which is more to the left than Soviet communism has ever been. Happy New Year, comrades!’

–End–

1 Comment

1. mahatmacoatmabag says:

   January 1, 2013 at 2:11 pm

   yes uncle Jo would have delivered an uplfting speech:
   ” Comrades, as you know the Party has your best interests at heart, therefore this 1st of January 2013, unlike last 1st Jan.2012, you will not have to stand in line for 8 days & nights in sub-zero Moscow winter weather for your bread ration only to be told that there is no bread. I’m telling you now that there is no bread & saving you 8 days misery standing in line , so you see the Party has your welfare at heart! Smert Shpionen, Long live the Revolution !”