Inmates In Prisons Demand Improved Story Lines And Better Acting In Hard Porn

Ted Obvious  reports from outside Pentonville Prison in London: New research conducted by the Wide Open University of Bradford reveals that inmates in British prisons are turned off by primitive story lines and bad acting in hard core porn films that they say basically downgrade penetrative sexual intercourse to something mechanical and unromantic.

In a survey conducted over the phone with around 10,000 inmates at prisons around the country a large number of respondents had admitted that they find most of the actors in hard core porn films unconvincing and lacking screen presence. ‘Who the hell wants to watch some drop dead gorgeous bird get her kit off in ten seconds and blow some stud?’ Chris, who is doing time for armed robbery said. ‘It just ain’t right. I’d like to know how these two met, find out more about them and only then see some dick and pussy in action. Relationships aren’t just about shagging on a first date, you know.’

Bad acting has been cited by 70 per cent of the inmates who took part in the survey as forcing them to log off porn websites and watch the BBC, with its wide variety of excellent reality shows, informative unbiased news programmes and animal life documentaries. About 80 per cent of the respondents complained that the lack of proper story lines in porn forced them to turn to reading classics or learning new skills, like knitting, painting in water colours or cooking. Summing up this disillusionment with the lack of exciting plots in porn, Bob, a white collar fraudster, said: ‘I want to see guys and chicks in porn talk about things before they get down to it. Show me the gritty reality of their worlds, their parents arguing, the social tensions hanging in the air. Are they into safe sex or not and do they use stimulants like sour cream and pumps? That’s what interests me primarily.’

More than 75 per cent of inmates said they would rather watch a good weepy romantic film about a relationship than spend two or three hours in a row watching non-stop shagging by people who have obviously just met and feel nothing for each other. ‘Who the f..k wants to see all those f..king suspenders, black stockings, whips and dildoes,’ Ben ‘Mad Dog’ McFrazer, a debt collector for a protection racket, said, adding: ‘It’s when a guy plants a smooch on the bird’s kisser for the first time or tells her that he fancies ‘er like mad that gets my dick hard. F..king should be a private thing, innit?’

The survey has contradicted the long held belief that most inmates in prisons watch hard core porn to assist them in masturbation. In fact, what has become apparent is that they turn to porn mostly for educational purposes, trying to find out more about proper intercourse and the best ways of pleasuring women in bed. Most of the inmates surveyed said they don’t really get aroused by watching porn and prefer to see couples cuddle each other and talk about nothing in particular while fully clothed.

The average time spent on porn websites a week by inmates in prisons, according to the survey, differs depending on the age groups. In the 20s to 30s bracket respondents mostly said they preferred to watch porn in sporadic bursts, taking short periods for a rest and then  getting on with it. Men in their forties said they watched porn for long periods and then reflected on the imagery. But it’s the men in their 50s and 60s who admitted staying logged on for two hours and more, as it took them longer to appreciate the beauty of the sexual activity on the computer screen.

Experts, who have conducted the survey commissioned by Stirring Trouble, called on the adult entertainments industry to pay more attention to the story lines in hard core films and demand better acting from their stars.

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2 Comments

1. mahatmacoatmabag says:

   February 2, 2013 at 12:38 pm

   “Who the f..k wants to see all those f..king suspenders, black stockings, whips and dildoes”
   Probably Judges, Senior Civil Servants, Lawyers, MPs & Lords from the big 3 parties do
2. Lisa says:

   February 2, 2013 at 1:26 pm

   Dear Ted, thanks for sharing this research looks pretty interesting and I imagine it generated a lot of interest. Bradford University has discovered some interesting things about students all over the world. Nothing unusual about the findings. All the paraphernalia is openly sold on the high street. Its all understandable and would make nice presents for those in captivity. Anything that gets them out and talking to each other is a good thing. I would say some of these activities are a bit choice and over the top. But hey that’s the way the high street is going too. People like the mod cons.