Ted Obvious writes from Tehran: That brave man, Iranian President Mahmoud Ahmadinejad, who is happily married by the way, has offered to sacrifice his life for the Iranian space programme and volunteered to take part in a manned flight in 2020. Here’s what the great man said at the ceremony of unveiling two new satellites: ‘I’m ready to be the first Iranian to be sacrificed by the scientists of my country and go into space, even though I know there are a lot of candidates.’ Mr Ahmadinejad also said that he was prepared to action himself to raise money for the Iranian space programme that is being hit hard by international sanctions.

Several things come to mind in this respect. Firstly, why is Mr Ahmadinejad talking about his readiness to be ‘sacrificed’? Does he doubt the ability of the Iranian scientists to send him into space and then return him safely back to Earth? Especially as very recently Iran announced that it had successfully sent a monkey into space and it came back safe and sound, although looking a tad different from the one that went up in the first place. (These things happen in space, you know. Charles Darwin could have testified to that if he were alive, the old fraudster.) So why then doubt the ability of the Iranian space community to bring back such a valued member of Isociety as Mr Ahmadinejad?

Secondly, the Iranian President has promised to ‘sacrifice’ himself in 2020, not this year or next or even the one after. So it does smack a bit of cheap self-promotion really, as in seven years’ time no one would remember what Mr Ahmadinejad said about going into space. Not to mention that he did cunningly indicate that lots of other candidates were itching to have a go at the outer space and he was just a humble president of the nation who was ready to step aside and give them a shot.

Thirdly, it’s a bit odd and rather kinky actually that Mr Ahmadinejad has offered to auction himself, with the intent of supporting the Iranian space programme. But who on earth is going to pay good money, or any money for that matter, for the Iranian President? And even if someone does, what would he or she get in return? A dinner with the great leader or maybe a signed photograph depicting him as man of the people and a great statesman who knows how to catch the attention of the audience with his witty comments?

Fourthly, and lastly, how come Mr Ahmadinejad did not respond to the offensive remarks made on social media by Senator John McCain who has implied that he thought that the Iranian leader had already been in space, a hint at that monkey making the historic flight. Incidentally, Mr McCain’s remarks were treated as ‘racist’ by some of his Republican colleagues and everyone expected that Mr Ahmadinejad would have a go at the former presidential candidate and call him an imperialist sissy or some other nasty name. But no, nothing like that happened.

Finally, clever Western experts have already pointed out that all that monkey business, i.e, sending one into space, was all about testing a ballistic missile that could potentially carry nuclear warheads at some point in the future. And although Tehran has denied it, no one in the West seems to be convinced that it was just an innocent space flight.

Still, the idea that President Ahmadinejad might one day go into space and never come back probably seems like an attractive option for some people. Like the Israeli cabinet concluding that it might make sense to help the Iranians build a space rocket much earlier than 2020, to give Ahmadinejad the chance to keep his promise and fly to the stars.

–End–

2 Comments

1. Jack Durish says:

   February 6, 2013 at 1:45 am

   Why wait? I have a Roman Candle that I would happily insert into Ahmadinajad’s natural “Roman Candle Bracket” and light it up.
2. mahatmacoatmabag says:

   February 7, 2013 at 4:58 pm

   Let him go into space, with so much other garbage up there circling the planet one more piece of toxic waste wont make any difference & back here the planets surface would be that much cleaner