Dan Majestic writes from Washington: I’m totally behind President Barack Obama in his crusade to introduce stricter gun control. Because guns kill people. All by themselves on many occasions. And that’s not good, not good at all. And if you introduce gun control and make it harder for guns to be purchased at your local friendly gun store, then fewer people will die and kids could go to school without a care in the world, not worried that they might end up dead because some gun would go off, all by itself, in their classroom.
But why stop at guns? Why not ban knives, all knives, even kitchen ones, because knives kill even more people than guns. Many, many more people in fact. Knives are very dangerous and no one really knows when they may strike, all by themselves. One moment they lie there on the table or a kitchen counter and then, whoosh, off they fly and end up stabbing some unsuspecting soul. President Obama should really start thinking about knife control. It’s ridiculous really that knives can be bought with such ease.
And how about tools and especially electric power tools? They need to be banned too. These pesky instruments can kill at random. Not to mention that they can be handy in torture. It is crazy that anyone can just walk into a store and purchase a hammer drill that can whack people with so much ease whenever it feels like it. Something needs to be done soon.
Rope, or its most lethal type, cord, can strangle people. Yes, rope can be very lethal. It can tie itself around a person’s neck and strangle him to death. Nothing to it really. Rope has no soul, you see, and no compassion. It can kill without feeling any guilt. One moment you laugh hysterically for no reason and the next you’re hanging there, dead as a German sausage.
And then there are clenched fists. Yes, these babies cause so much harm that all the guns and knives and ropes pale into insignificance. Clenched fists account for so many injuries and deaths that we won’t be even able to estimate the overall damage. You probably saw it yourself. There goes a hand, smooth and non-threatening, and then it suddenly turns into a clenched fist that has a go at somebody’s face. Bam! Damage done. Clenched fists have to be banned, period. It would make our lives so much safer. President Obama better do something about it quickly.
But the biggest danger of them all is poverty. This stuff is lethal as most people become violent criminals because they’re poor. Had they been well off they wouldn’t harm others and rob and steal and take drugs and run protection rackets and prostitution rings. They would be good people who would stay away from crime and violence. So banning poverty would work wonders for us all. And President Obama should really think hard how to achieve that. Maybe sign some presidential order or ask Congress to allocate, say 14 trillion dollars, and invest them into arresting and detaining all poor people from inner cities who join gangs and carry guns and knives and wield clenched fists to make ends meet. Put them behind bars and throw away the keys.
Of course, right-wingers will resist banning guns, poverty and clenched fists because that is how they are. They like people to live in poverty because it makes them feel good about themselves. And they like to carry guns and clench their fists because it is a sign of strength. So it ‘s going to be an uphill struggle for all us, progressives. But we will win in the end, don’t you worry.