Ben Delicious reports from London: Every time I saw that weird looking bloke, US Secretary of State John ‘Beans Means Heinz’ Kerry, plugging the case for attacking Syria as punishment for its use of chemical weapons – even though it’s becoming pretty confusing how things will develop with Syria agreeing to put its chemical arsenal under international control – I always wanted to come up to him and say: what’s wrong with you, mate? What’s your interest in all of this? You’re loaded already, having married that broad from the Heinz dynasty who’s five years older than you, so what’s your problem, you 6”4 Lilliput of man?
Kerry has been on a tour of Europe which ended in London, drumming up support for his boss, US President Barack Obama, who has more impeachable scandals on his plate than several previous administrations taken together. The IRS hounding conservative groups and the spying on millions of Americans by the US intelligence services are just two of them.
So as a result the US Prez needs a serious distraction, before the FBI digs up some nasty details about that IRS con that it pulled off before the last presidential election, supposedly with the White House or its fixers having no idea about it. (Richard Nixon must be rolling in his grave now, thinking that he got kicked out of office for some minor misdemeanour when Obama is getting away with ideological cleansing like some Pol Pot.)
So Kerry, as a loyal flunky, has been visiting one European capital after another, persuading dodgy looking politicians with shifty eyes and sweaty palms – we can only imagine what incentives have been used – to save Obama’s bacon. (Can I say ‘bacon’ here? What if Obama is a Muslim?) Syria is actually secondary here for John. It’s his and Obama’s necks that are on the line. That’s why he, Kerry, looks so wasted and exhausted, the vain fool.
But why do you doubt his intellectual abilities, you may wonder? Well, let me give you a great example. In case you have forgotten, Mr Kerry ran against George Bush Junior in 2004 for the US presidency and blew it. Yes, he actually lost to young George, who had never been famous for his oratory skills or any other skills. His nickname at the time among the fancy liberals was ‘village idiot’. So they put up their ‘intellectual’, Kerry, to take him out of the White House. And he failed, proving that he was no big deal when it came to the grey matter.
Kerry was a passionate supporter of the invasion of Iraq, although later he was saying that he implied that war should have been started only after all diplomatic efforts were exhausted – they all said that on Capitol Hill to cover up their role in sanctioning an invasion on false pretenses – and he was also all in favour of the no-fly zone over Libya that turned out to be gigantic contract hit, ordered on Colonel Gaddafi by the big American banks that gambled away Libyan billions. So on this basis we can’t really trust Kerry’s judgement, now can we? Just like we can’t really establish what the hell Kerry did in Vietnam and whether he was not killing innocent civilians there. (Hollywood has cunningly turned the Vietnam War into some heroic quest by the yanks, even though it was a criminal war that resulted in 3 million Vietnamese dead, some killed by chemical weapons.)
And now Mr Kerry is doing his warmongering routine, bent on covering up his bosses’ sins. Might end up with an egg all over his unsavoury mug. And if you remembers that everyone is responsible for his or her face after 40, this means Kerry is one big opportunist and chancer.