R.F.Wilson writes from London: Spare a thought for Julian Assange, founder of the WikiLeaks website, who is currently hiding from the law in the embassy of Ecuador in London – for more than a year now – to avoid extradition to Sweden on charges made by two anonymous women that he had raped them. As in, it all started willingly, but then the female parties decided that it was not to their liking and felt violated.
Ruthless British cops are demanding that Julian leaves the embassy and surrenders to them, having breached the conditions of his bail. But the WikiLeaks founder is adamant that he will continue enjoying immunity on the embassy premises, waiting for the Ecuadorian government to decide whether to give him political asylum or not. This might drag on for a while, with relations between London and whatever is the name of the city that is the capital of Ecuador remaining strained.
Meanwhile, Stirring Trouble has asked a group of distinguished psychologists to assess what may be going through Mr Assange’s mind, as he spends his days in the luxury of the Ecuadorian embassy? According to the report provided by these outstanding individuals the most likely thing that Julian is thinking about may actually boil down to one simple conclusion: ‘S..t, I wish I was in catering or something…’
The team of eggheads then produced other outstanding suggestions that paint a picture of a man deeply regretting that he had ever travelled to Sweden and had the stupidity to get involved with some easy going chicks there. He may also be regretting the choice of Britain as the country to seek shelter from American justice, having realised only when it was too late that the British government actually has a ‘special relationship’ with the US and deports anyone the Americans ask it to deport with astonishing ease, including UK citizens.
Financial considerations are also high on the list of worries of the famous fugitive, with his bail terms going down the toilet and his former friends and supporters having lost their quarter of a million smackers in hard earned cash and guarantees. These people include the stunning Jemima Khan, who became famous while dating actor Hugh Grant, and a couple of A-list celebrities who for different reasons prefer to keep their names in secret.
But the really big idea that must be bothering Julian, according to the team of eggheads, is the realisation that the so-called secret US diplomatic cables that he had posted on his website didn’t really live up to all the hype that had been raised initially. Since then no one was sacked or has stepped down, no one had committed suicide and not a single shot was fired in anger. All the promises of bringing down governments failed to materialise. Not only that, but a serious suspicion has arisen that someone in Washington might have actually leaked the documents on purpose, to embarrass foreign governments and individual politicians, who were not showing enough respect for the US and its peace- loving policies. And WikiLeaks fell for it.
This is probably the hardest thing of all for Mr Assange to swallow. And while we, at Stirring Trouble, do not wish any harm to come to him and hope that the film based on his life, The Fifth Estate, does well at the box office, we still think that he should have been more careful about pissing off Uncle Sam, staying put in his native Australia.
Still, considering all of the above, we may conclude that the suggestion about what is going through Julian’s head these days by our eggheads was probably spot on: ‘S..t, I wish I was in catering or something…’
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