Ben Delicious reports from London: Well, this is really funny. David Cameron has been outed by a tabloid rag as a closet right-wing conservative who, in moment of honest anger, called all those environmental taxes ‘green crap’.
Yep, that’s how he is, Dave. Hugging trees in public and embracing global warming as a serious issue that needs tackling but behind the scenes practicing some serious right-wing machismo and behaving like a proper Tory should. If anyone had had any doubts that the election campaign is heating up, then this is the biggest proof of them all. Because apart from some left-wing liberal loons no one in Britain is happy about the green taxes.
But why stop there? Why not leak to the press that Dave told his advisers to ‘cut all the crap with that overseas aid’? That will go down well with 99 per cent of the voters. Especially as most of that aid is wasted on silly projects or misused by local regimes. Might even convince some people that Cameron has some idea of how things work in the real world.
But there are more things that Dave can say in private that could them become public. How about him telling Chancellor George Osborne, during a supposedly candid exchange, that payday loans companies are s..ts and that their excessive interest rates should be capped. Now that would be some serious ‘revelation’. It would actually suggest that Dave understands that you can’t simply legalise loan sharking and pretend that it’s not immoral and even criminal.
And here is another good leak. PM Cameron saying that it’s time to pull the troops out of Afghanistan and stop this meaningless war. Because it is a totally meaningless conflict, especially as the Taliban are coming back once NATO pulls out. So any more waste of British and Afghan lives makes no point at all.
And why not reveal that Mr Cameron has finally realised that gay rights are not the most important issue in the world and obsessing about them doesn’t look all that good. This might alone boost the Tories’s election prospects a bit. Although, of course, this is a tough one, as the liberal mafia which controls pretty much most of the media wouldn’t take it lightly.
And, finally, Dave can tell his aides that Tony Blair should be brought to account for starting that ‘dodgy war in Iraq’. Now that would probably win the Tories the next election. Because Blair is not exactly popular and lots of people would love nothing more than to see him taken to the cleaners.
Mind you, some might not fall for all these tricks. For Dave has proven to be such a double-dealing slimy operator that these ‘leaks’ might simply fail to have an impact. Has only himself to blame for it. Shouldn’t have copied his idol Blair that much.