Adam Lovejoy reports from Newcastle-under-Lyme, Staffordshire: A visit to a Sainsbury’s supermarket went horrible wrong in the company’s flagship store in Newcastle-under-Lyme when a man suffering from spontatious sexual urges succumbed to the desire to ‘offload’ himself in the meat section, in front of other shoppers. To add more drama to the situation the man, Eugenio Freaitas, wanked off with both hands at once, to get a better grip on the shaft of the penis, as he explained to the woman with two children who were watching him in action.
Footage from CCTV has shown that Eugenio kept at it for 10 long minutes, adding intensity and a bit of frivolity to the whole idea of shopping. But despite the light-hearted nature of his masturbation he was later given a 6-month suspended prison sentence, banned from shopping in any supermarket and forced to promise that he would never pleasure himself again in public. That last one being the toughest of them all, as Eugenio likes nothing more than wanking off when somebody is watching.
To the embarrassment for the Freaitases, an extended family, it was made all the more acute when it turned out that three years ago the breadwinner of the family got his name on the sex offenders list, after he was caught exposing himself in the crisps and chocolates section at another supermarket.
Cases of people browsing in supermarkets and becoming aroused all of a sudden have gone up in recession hit Britain. More and more adults confess to having sudden sexual urges at the sight of a good piece of meat or fish and other groceries that they know they can’t afford. Upmarket grocery chains that have a lot of expensive delicatessen on show have to cope with a rise in incidents of adults getting uncontrollable erections and moist vaginas, when the mere thought of actually purchasing and eating all that food creates a wild increase in hormone output, resulting in a spontaneous masturbatory activity.
Campaigners for the rights of people with self-pleasuring urges blame the in-your-face marketing and promotions of foods in supermarkets that push people to the brink of sexual ecstasy, when they can’t control themselves and have to go for it.