Ted Obvious reports from Paris: You have to be made of ice not to laugh at that guy Francois Hollande, the French President. Here he was, caught shagging an actress, Julie Gayet, by a celebrity rag, and what does he do? He gets offended, claims that his right to privacy had been infringed and then walks out on his squeeze with whom he was living in sin, Valerie Trierweiler. No more trips on the back of the scooter in the middle of the night then, Francois?
And it’s gets better. Hollande calls the Agence France Presse, which happens to be owned by the state so he wasn’t in danger of getting a ‘f..k off’ reply and the phone slammed on him, and tells the stunned hacks that he had ended his ‘partnership’ with Trierweiler, as if they were running some sort of business together. No regrets, no nothing. The little s..t made it look as if he had nothing to do with that break-up. And, naturally, the AFP lot get all excited about it and informed the world.
Now, you can call me a cynic, but shouldn’t the free media make life hell for President Hollande? Because he sure comes across as a pathetic man who obviously took it on himself to play the part of a sex god while screwing not just an actress but the whole country as well.
All this smacks of the Bill Clinton presidency really. You know, nightly trips to secret locations, with bodyguards providing all the cover. And to hell with the office of the president and the presidential duties. Well, proper duties that is.
So now President Hollande will travel next month to the US without a first lady. All by his little old self, a bachelor, to hang out with the Obamas, who, as word has it, are going through a rough patch of their own, with rumours spreading that the Big O himself is having an eye for the ladies as of lately. Should be a fun meeting actually. A shortie from France, with two towering figures over him, refusing to establish eye contact with each other.
But seriously, what sort of nation elects a guy like Francois as President? Ok, let me rephrase that: how stupid do the French have to be to have elected Hollande as President? Didn’t they see through him? He’s got ‘incompetent buffoon’ written all over him. Not to mention that he actually believes, and I’m not kidding you here, that he’s a handsome stud, of above average height, hugely intelligent, with sensible policies and enough gut to send French troops into conflict on the other side of the world without even thinking what would come out of it. Very Tony Blair that.
Hilarious, absolutely hilarious. French comedians should thank their lucky stars they have so much material to work with. If only Hollande wasn’t a Socialist. They might have even had a go at him.