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Live Coverage Of The Oscars Proves A Huge Hit. With Dozens Of People

R.F.Wilson writes: Live coverage of Oscars has proven to be a huge hit with dozens of viewers across the world. A British man, who actually watched the Oscars live, was traced by investigative reporters acting on a hunch. He turned out to be 76-year old Walter Jenkins, a pensioner and a former child molester, who lives in Birmingham and boasts of having a pirate satellite dish that allows him to watch nearly 600 TV channels across the world, without paying a penny for it. Mr Jenkins, who spends most of his time at home, going out disguised as a huge black man to avoid harassment, told reporters that he stumbled on the live coverage of the Oscars by pure chance, while searching for a Dutch porn channel, which he sometimes records and then sells to his neighbours as Hot Vids. ‘I was clicking... 

Band Aid: Sir Bob And Friends Do Some Soul Searching

Band Aid Martin McCauley writes: So now we know: 95 per cent of all the money raised by Band Aid to help Ethiopian famine victims in 1985 was stolen by rebels fighting the Ethiopian government. Instead of feeding the hungry the money was spent on Kalashnikovs and other arms. Imagine a meeting of Sir Bob Geldof and some of the pop stars who sang on band Aid trying to come to terms with this. SBG: Guys, I’m f..king devastated. We’ve been telling everyone how great we are at raising money to feed the starving people of Africa and it turns out that we’ve been financing rebels instead. We look like idiots. More importantly, I look like an idiot. Voice: Cheer up Bob, you still made a name for yourself out of it. I mean, who remembers your band Boomtown Rats? But everyone knows you now. SBG:... 

The Weird World Of Cinema: How Come We Buy All That Rubbish?

Adam Lovejoy writes: How come people accept the most ridiculous things that happen on the big screen? The dialogues that make no sense, the vulgarity, the stupid situations, the two-dimensional characters, the primitive or non-existent story lines and the abysmal acting. That last one has always puzzled me. Bad acting, that is. How on earth do some of the film stars manage to get away with absolutely atrocious performances, time after time after time, and still command the adoration of their fans? Is there actually such a thing as a failed film actor? I mean, once actors get a part in a relatively successful film they seem to be destined for glory almost automatically, however badly they perform. If you ever bother to analyse the acting skills of some of the biggest film stars – impartially... 

Music Fans Want The Lyrics In Pop Songs To Be Deep. And Mention The Word ‘Baby’ A Lot

Adam Lovejoy writes: Well, there you have it, the masses have spoken and made their feeling about lyrics in pop music known to Stirring Trouble. They want the words in pop songs to be deep and meaningful, to make them laugh and cry and generally feel ‘touched’, whatever that means. Overwhelmingly the fans want the lyrics to contain words like ‘baby’, ‘bitches, ‘honey’ and, most importantly, the word ‘ecstasy’. As 30 year old Jimmy wrote: ‘When I hear the word “ecstasy” I really get all hot and excited and masturbate like a school kid. I also like to hear the word “pussy”, but it doesn’t rhythm well with anything, so it sort of doesn’t feature in lyrics.’ Ain’t life a bitch, Jimmy. Don’t forget to change... 

Pop Acts Choosing Stupid Names. And Helping Us To Stay Clear Of Them

Adam Lovejoy writes: Imagine members of some aspiring pop band getting together, to choose a name for their act that would propel them to stardom. As they sit there, sipping cheap beer and sucking on a fag, they come up with really original names like F..k, C..t and even ‘F..king C..t, but their manager tells them that it might not work. ‘The crowd is too f..king dumb to get that sort of complicated shit,’ he tells them. ‘We need something plain, to appeal to all dickheads.’ After names like Shit, A Lot Of Shit, Tonnes Of Shit and Shiteaters are declined, for reasons of possible copyright infringement, and the names Dopeheads and Dickheads are dropped, for purely artistic considerations, they finally come up with something like DeathRow Inmates or the Happy Psychos or Pissed... 

Makers Of Family Guy Accused Of Christian Fundamentalism

Dan Majestic writes: It’s a scandal that was waiting to break out at any moment – and it did. The Union of Devoted Atheists (UDA), a respected international organisation fighting against religious propaganda in all its forms, has accused the makers of the American cartoon series, Family Guy, of promoting Christian values, in their most ruthless of ways, and cunningly glorifying such outdated things as family life and marriage. ‘What millions of simple TV viewers think is blasphemy and parody on decency in Family Guy are, in effect, blatant attempts to drag more innocent victims into the clutches of Christianity and spread the poisonous ideas of family life,’ the UDA says in its statement, in which it accuses the makers of the cartoon of being ‘closet Christian fundamentalists’. In... 

Of Films That Really Suck. And Of Questions That Arise From That

Dan Majestic writes: I don’t know whether it happens to you a lot but it does happen to me. Sometimes I stumble on a film, on cable – I don’t go to cinemas anymore – watch it for a while and ask myself: how on earth does total crap like that gets made? I mean, who in the world finances films like that? Apart from the mob obviously that doesn’t really care about the content very much, as long as it can launder some of the money through inflated production costs. That would probably cover about a third of all shitty films, I suppose. But what about the other two thirds of rubbish that is made? So someone writes a really bad script and brings it to a big studio. The plot is non-existent, the characters are one-dimensional, the dialogues make no sense, the action... 

The Easily Excitables. A Glance At Live Studio Audiences

Adam Lovejoy writes: Have you ever seen members of a ‘live studio audience’, as they are called, at close quarters? No? Well I did and I can tell you that it was a bit spooky. It happened a couple of months ago, in central London, when I was waiting for a friend of mine outside BBC Broadcasting House on Regent Street. So that you know, the BBC records some of its humorous radio shows there in front of live audiences. Most of these shows are not very good, but you would never know it if you listen to the rapturous applause and the laughter of the studio audiences. So there I was, waiting patiently, when a crowd of overly exited people ejaculated, if you pardon the expression, from Broadcasting House’s main entrance, flowing in the direction of the nearest Underground station. Everything... 

Pop Music Industry Hit By A Major Scandal. Pop Might Never Be The Same Again

Anton Goryunov writes: A huge scandal has hit the pop music industry: one of the biggest names in the business, worshipped by millions of fans across the world, is revealed to have never had a drink and drug problem in all of his life and to have stayed loyal to his partner for many years. It has also been uncovered that the pop idol in question has never been addicted to prescription drugs, EVER, and has been involved in the music business purely to write songs and perform them live. The creep!A respected British Sunday tabloid, that has dug up these disturbing facts during a year-long investigation, has been prevented from publishing the exclusive story by a court injunction, taken out by the lawyers of the living pop legend, who cited, laughably, intrusion into his private life and even... 

The Cult Of David Tennant Of The Dr Who Fame Is Weird. He’s Simply No Good

What’s this starnge adoration with David Tennant, the actor who has been playing the part of the Doctor in the BBC series Dr Who? Tennant is to acting what a cold sore is to kissing, or impotence to a loving relationship. He is hopeless, just hopeless. Would you like me to prove to you that he is hopeless in one short sentence? OK, here goes: if he had had any talent, he would not have been cast by the BBC to star in Dr Who. How about that? Simple, isn’t it? The BBC does not employ talented actors in the dramas. It’s not their style. Tennant’s main problem is that he overacts all the time. All the bloody time! There’s never a moment when he underacts, if there’s such thing as underacting, or acts in a proper sense of the word. And he does that strange stare... 

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