And To Think Whitney Houston Could Have Had More Years Of Addiction!

February 13, 2012

And To Think Whitney Houston Could Have Had More Years Of Addiction!

Dan Majestic writes from Los Angeles: Yes, Whitney Houston who passed away had everything to live for: a flagging career, a drug habit that came back with a vengeance, an inability to perform for longer than two minutes and absolutely no chance of getting another recording deal. Why, why did she need to die so young? What is 48 nowadays? It’s like 30 really. So she could have continued killing herself slowly for another twenty years at least. Yes, death struck Whitney when she least expected it. And to the millions of her fans, who have forgotten how she looks and sounds, it was a terrible shock to find out that their idol was actually still alive and not recording when they thought that she’s been dead for about ten years. How they will cope now, I really have no idea. But at least there’s... 

Want To Be An Icon Of The Left? Get Into Booze, Dope And Lots Of Sex

February 4, 2012

Want To Be An Icon Of The Left? Get Into Booze, Dope And Lots Of Sex

Dan Majestic writes from New York: Have you ever wondered how is it that so many unremarkable people, both dead and living, get praised for no apparent reason? Take Marilyn Monroe, for example. She was no big actress, no stunning beauty and never said anything of any interest. (The playwright Arthur Miller divorced her after one year citing her unbearable stupidity.) And yet, we are supposed to believe all those wide-eyed lefties that she was some huge acting talent and was a style icon of her time. Now why would people be saying things that are blatantly untrue? I mean, you only need to see one film with Monroe to realise that she was no actress and no stunner. Well, let me tell you why it happens. The thing is that Monroe fits the role of an icon of the Left perfectly. She possessed no talents,... 

Tips For Aspiring Pop Stars: No Talent Required

February 2, 2012

Tips For Aspiring Pop Stars: No Talent Required

Adam Lovejoy writes from Paris: Everybody wants to be a pop star these days. Ask any youngsters and they would tell you that they dream of pop stardom. And, judging by the success of TV song competitions, with non-talents of all ages slaughtering other people’s songs, it appears that it’s not only the young who are keen on becoming pop sensations. So here are some tips for aspiring pop stars of all ages and genders. The first and most important thing to remember is that if you want to become a successful pop act you should have as less talent as possible, preferably even none at all. Because if it turns out that you can actually sing and, God forbid, write your own decent stuff, then you’ll probably never make it to the top. It’s that simple. Just look at the current top acts... 

If You’re Drunk And Like The Music That’s Playing, It’s Probably Trash

January 25, 2012

If You’re Drunk And Like The Music That’s Playing, It’s Probably Trash

Ted Obvious writes from London: Call me odd, but there’s one thing I really can’t figure out: how is it that adults actually like pop music? I mean not just listen to it – in their cars or on their iPods when they’re working out or jogging – but actually care about it and even get upset when someone tells them that it’s no big deal. Is it weird or what when grown-ups bang on about pop, as if it’s some serious stuff? And it gets even weirder when they discuss some obscure bands and solo acts and even follow their sad pathetic private lives. I always want to tell them: get a life, people. Pop is for teenagers who’ll listen to anything if it’s got the words ‘f..k’ or ‘baby’ or ‘ecstasy’ mentioned in it a lot or if the... 

The Easily Excitables. A Glance At Live Studio Audiences

January 19, 2012

The Easily Excitables. A Glance At Live Studio Audiences

Adam Lovejoy writes from London: Have you ever seen ‘members of a live studio audience’, as they are called, at close range? No? Well I have and it’s not a pretty sight, I can tell you that. It happened outside BBC Broadcasting House on Regent Street. So that you know, the BBC records some of its humorous radio shows there, in front of live audiences. Most of these shows are not very good, but you would never know it by the rapturous applause and bursts of near hysterical laughter that live studio audiences produce. Anyway, there I was, minding my own business, when a crowd of overly exited people ejaculated, if you pardon the expression, from Broadcasting House’s main entrance, flowing in the direction of the nearest Tube station. Everything was strange about these... 

Pop Music Sucks. With Very Few Exceptions. And Even They Suck

January 15, 2012

Pop Music Sucks. With Very Few Exceptions. And Even They Suck

Gross Domestic writes from New York: Need to get something off my chest first. So here goes. The Carpenters and the Jackson 5 were never any good. In case of the brother and sister act, they were so sugary, in a perverted sort of way, that you felt sick from hearing all that rubbish of theirs. And the Jacksons sounded weird, considering that Michael Jackson at the time was just a kid and yet he was singing about make it out with chicks and baby this and baby that. It wasn’t natural, to be perfectly frank, and no wonder he grew up and turned into a nutter, sleeping with small boys and doing God knows what with that chimp of his Bubbles. OK, now that it’s done, let’s talk about pop music generally, and by ‘pop’ I mean the whole bloody lot: rock, blues, metal, soul, punk, rap, dance,... 

The Bourne Trilogy: How Hollywood Does PR For The US Government

January 14, 2012

The Bourne Trilogy: How Hollywood Does PR For The US Government

Dan Majestic writes from Washington: Have you seen the Bourne trilogy? You know, The Bourne Identity, The Bourne Deception and The Bourne Ultimatum? Of course you have, probably several times already. These are the blockbuster spy thrillers that have been made for a global audience and are repeated every year in most countries on the box. It’s a story of Jason Bourne, played by Matt Damon, a brainwashed CIA assassin, who turns against his masters when they decide to get rid of him to cover up a top secret programme of creating highly efficient cold blooded killers. I saw the three films on the box when I had a cold and was basically flickering through the channels mindlessly, watching everything that came up on screen. I’m not a fan, to be honest, of Jason Bourne and I’ve... 

How Thick Do You Need To Be To Fall For Cheap TV Competitions And Reality Shows?

January 4, 2012

How Thick Do You Need To Be To Fall For Cheap TV Competitions And Reality Shows?

Adam Lovejoy writes from London: How thick do you need to be to fall for that cheap trick that TV companies come up with their singing and dancing competitions and reality shows that cost practically nothing to produce? Take the X Factor that makes ‘stars’ out of non-entities. The whole idea is to select a bunch of self-obsessed fools, who would do anything to appear on the box and slaughter other people’s songs, and get viewers to vote for them by making expensive phone calls. How bored and simple do you need to be to fall for this stunt? Not to mention that this amateurish show comes out on prime time on weekends, which is a con in itself, as TV companies should be filling this slot with something more imaginative and cost consuming. Bizarre, really bizarre to see so many people... 

Getting Carried Away. With Realism In Films

January 3, 2012

Getting Carried Away. With Realism In Films

Chris Gray writes from Hollywood: Don’t get me wrong – I’m all for realism on the big screen, and on the box as well. I’m not suggesting that films should be all about fantasy and make belief. If you want to make a tough, gritty drama or a tense thriller or a funny comedy, a touch of realism would do nicely. But too much realism, or, as they like to call it, attention to detail, can be very boring and irritating. I can hear some people out there saying: give us an example, Chris, so we can figure out what the hell you’re talking about. And I say to these people: have no fear, that’s exactly what I’m going to do. Here goes: how about those long and boring scenes of people eating, either gathered round the table or sitting at some restaurant or fast food... 

Here’s The Deal Clint: You’re Too Old. Time To Walk Away From It All

January 1, 2012

Here’s The Deal Clint: You’re Too Old. Time To Walk Away From It All

Anton Goryunov writes from Moscow: Every time I stumble on a film with living screen legend Clint Eastwood in it I think to myself: how on earth did this guy ever manage to make it big in Hollywood? I mean he’s exactly the same in every bloody role, pulling stern faces to look more authentic. It was in July 2009, if memory serves me right, that Clint had announced that he would never again appear on the big screen, having finished one the most politically correct films of the decade, the abysmal Gran Tarino. But he spoiled it all by revealing that he would still be making films. I’ll be brutally honest with you people: I’ve never liked Clint’s pathetic Westerns and all the Dirty Harry sequels. He looked odd in those days, Clint did, with his strange haircut, that permanent... 

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