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Winning Hearts And Minds In Afghanistan. Even When They’re Detached From The Bodies

Dan Majestic writes: As NATO introduces a policy of ‘heroic restraint’ in Afghanistan, urging its troops not to kill everything that moves, we ask: what the f..k is going on? And, continuing in the same inquisitive manner, we ponder: why the f..ck does President Mahmoud Ahmadinejad come to Kabul and say uncomplimentary things about America, knowing very well that US Defence Secretary, Robert Gates, younger brother of billionaire Bill Gates, is also visiting Afghanistan and saying that the Iranian leader’s presence these is ‘bothersome’. More questions arise out of all of this: isn’t the term ‘heroic restraint’ a contradiction in terms? How can restraint be heroic? And, on totally different subjects: can prostitutes become faithful wives? Can paedophiles be allowed to care for... 

The Chinese Should Be Afraid. Very Afraid

Anton Goryunov writes from Moscow: Pardon me for asking, but why the hell do the Chinese think that the Americans are going to honour their debts to them? The US owes China something like $1.4 trillion. Maybe even a more than that, because both sides are really holding their cards close to their chest at the moment. Washington is telling Beijing to buy more of its Treasury bills and bonds, claiming that if China keeps the mighty American economy afloat, the US will continue to buy Chinese goods. And that, the Yanks are saying, will keep China’s industry going. It’s bullshit, as the Chinese are buying pieces of worthless paper, but it seems to work. In order to cling to power the Chinese communist rulers will fall for any trick, and the cunning Americans know that. Now, I’m... 

I Really Can’t Treat The UN Seriously. Especially With A Frontman Like That

Dan Majestic writes: Pardon me for asking, but what’s this guy, Ban Ki-Moon, the UN Secretary General, all about? Is he for real or what? Should anyone treat him seriously or is he just a stand-up comedian who comes out before the world media and says funny things, without expecting anyone to take him seriously? I have a suspicion that most of the delegates at the UN are sniggering quietly, when good old Ban does his thing. I’ve noticed some people smiling uncontrolably when they see the UN Secretary General strut his stuff. You know, ina sarcastic sort of way. I watched Mr Ban a couple of times in action, last time when he graced Haiti after the earthquake, and I wasn’t impressed at all. He didn’t even bother to look interested. And when he ventured bravely last year... 

It’s Simple: America Should Beat The Crap Out Of China. Before It’s Too Late

Dan Majestic writes: Pardon me for asking, but why is America pussyfooting with China? The Chinese communists are throwing their weight around, threatening other nations, buying up everything that is offered for sale around the world, and not a squeak comes from Washington, not a sabre is rattled. Where’s the American thirst for a real foreign adventure? Not some silly small wars, like we see in Iraq and Afghanistan, with their abysmally low body count. Bring on the big thing, give us all a serious war, like Hollywood always likes to portray. OK, here’s the deal: America should beat the crap out of China, before it’s too late. It’s all very nice to talk about world peace and friendship between nations, but I bet you the Chinese have already worked out a plan to achieve... 

Pardon Me For Asking, But Was Blair Taking The Piss At The Chilcot Inquiry?

Thomas Mathew writers: Pardon me for asking, but was Tony Blair taking the piss while giving evidence to the Chilcot inquiry into the war in Iraq on Friday or was he serious?Less than 48 hours have passed since Mr Blair appeared in front of Sir John Chilcot and other members of the committee, yet hard questions are being asked already. Was Tony pulling one when he said that his past insistence that Iraq could deploy its weapons of mass destructions in the space of 45 minutes was no big deal? And how about his statement that he knew ‘beyond any doubt’ that Saddam Hussein had the nukes, while everyone else had no such information? Was Blair on something when he was giving evidence? Is it true that he was disguised as an Arab woman when he left the conference hall after giving evidence?... 

Pardon Me For Asking, But Who The Hell Cares That Brad Pitt and Angelina Jolie Have Split Up?

Dan Majestic writes: Pardon me for asking, but who the hell cares that Brad Pitt and Angelina Jolie have split up? Does it make any difference to anyone whether they live together or not? Does it really matter that they haven’t had sex for a year because of Brad’s premature ejaculation, or whatever else his problem was? I for one don’t give a toss what they’re up to in their so-called private life, that has been so public all these years that they might as well have lived in a glass house and broadcast their every word to each other on the loud speaker. A very rare, occasional word, I hasten to add. I’m really surprised that anyone out there cares what these two average acting talents are doing. The world will not stop, you know, if they go their separate ways. Don’t... 

FBI: If Only Bin Laden Was Less Of A Recluse We’d Have Made A Better Age Enhanced Image Of Him

Dan Majestic writes: Pardon me for asking, but how did the FBI come up with that brilliant scheme of creating a an ‘aged enhanced mug shot’ of Osama Bin Laden that was based on the photo of Gaspar Llamazares, a communist deputy in the Spanish parliament? Why not opt for the image of George Bush the Younger, who seems to have acquired a lot of resemblance with the most wanted man on earth?Some say it the total lack of guilt for the sins committed that has made Bush and Ossie look like twin brothers. Or twin sisters, if you’re into that sort of thing. Since then the FBI has apologised to Mr Llamazares, who has become the target of bounty hunters from all over the world. Not to mention that his colleagues in parliament have been avoiding him since the FBI image was made public.... 

Catch 22: When Judges Side With Bankers

Thomas Mathew writes: Pardon me for asking, but do you think the members of Britain’s Supreme Court knew that what they were doing was wrong when they ruled, unanimously, this week in favour of the banks imposing extortionate charges on people who have current accounts with them? Hmm, that’s a tough one, eh? A catch 22 situation. Especially considering that all the previous courts in this case ruled in favour of the Office of Fair Trading (OFT) that represented the interests of millions customers who were trying to get their money back from the banks. So that you know, the Supreme Court has ruled that the OFT had no legal right to question the banks’ levies, which was the same as taking the side of the money men. It’s good to be in banking in Britain. You win under... 

More Adventures Of Superbanker Mervyn. And His Friends The Moneymen

Adam Lovejoy writes: Pardon me for asking, but are you a fan of that great man, the Governor of the Bank of England, Mervyn King? He is able to keep inflation under control all by himself and transform a crippling recession into a recovery with just one statement. He can make tens of billions of pound sterling disappear and then reappear again, as if by magic. And with one word he can flood the markets with billions of new crispy banknotes and see to it that it has no bad side effects for the economy. Anything Superbanked Mervyn says, goes and no one dares to contradict him or point out that his figures and his predictions don’t make sense. The most recent feat that Mervyn pulled off was to make over 60 billion smackers disappear in the safes of the moneymen at two rogue banks without... 

So What Was The Point Of President Obama’s Visit To China?

R.F.Wilson writes: Pardon me for asking, but waht was the point of President Barack Obama’s visit to China? Apart from meeting the whole of the politburo of the Communist Party of China in person and having two dinners with them, forced to watch the abysmal Chinese folk dancing and singing during one of them. And, as some cynics are saying, apart from disappearing for a while from Washington where tough decisions need to be taken. The whole visit seemed to be stage managed by the Chinese from the moment President Obama entered the country’s airspace. Even his much hyped ‘town hall’ meeting with Chinese students in Shanghai on the first day of his trip did not really look very impressive. The students were all carefully selected in advance, asked all the right questions... 

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Previous posts

• Brown, Sarkozy, and Obama
• As US Troops Are Preparing To Cut And Run, We Ask: Will Democracy Triumph In Iraq?
• As ‘Dwarfgate’ Hits Britain, We Ask: Is The World Run By Shorties?
• Pearls Of Wisdom. From The Stirring Trouble Team
• Samantha Cameron Talks Candidly About Her Hubby. And Blows The Lid, Sort Of
• LibDems Pick A Porn Chick As Their Candidate. We Look At Other Options
• Israeli-Palestinian Peace Process? Now What Process Would That Be?
• The Cold War Is Back. But It’s Not As We Knew It
• More Breaking News. From The Stirring Trouble Team.
• Is There Any Point In Dieting? Nope, None At All
• Winning Hearts And Minds In Afghanistan. Even When They’re Detached From The Bodies
• President Ahmadinejad Reveals Iran’s Official Policy
• A Cynical Look At Life In Britain. And The Stiff Upper Lip
• As The British Press Sells Its Soul To The Devil, We Go Behind The Scenes Of One Newspaper
• From Now On The Met Office Will Express Doubt About Its Own Forecasts
• Pearls Of Wisdom. From The Stirring Trouble Team
• Live Coverage Of The Oscars Proves A Huge Hit. With Dozens Of People
• More Breaking News. From The Stirring Trouble Team
• Mossad Is Thinking Of Going Public. As A Plc
• Who Cares About Elvis Or Who Killed John Kennedy? Aliens Are Running Things Here
• TV Debates Between Party Leaders Will Include Product Placements
• Band Aid: Sir Bob And Friends Do Some Soul Searching
• More Breaking News. From The StirringTrouble Team
• President Zuma: The Man With The Plan
• The New Rich Have No Style, No Class, No Taste. No Anything
• Pearls Of Wisdom: From The Sirring Trouble Team
• About One Pine Tree. And Global Warming Written All Over It
• More Breaking News Items. From The Stirring Trouble Team
• BBC Cuts Costs: It’s Taking The Piss, But Not As We Know It
• A Case Of One Madman Blowing All The Money

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