Of PC Freaks From The English Football Association Getting It All Wrong

February 11, 2012

Of PC Freaks From The English Football Association Getting It All Wrong

R.F.Wilson writes from London: Don’t you just love the way politically correct freaks from the English Football Association have screwed up the preparations for Euro 2012 by stripping John Terry of his captaincy and pushing out England manager Fabio Cappelo who dared to disagree with them. (Please don’t tell me that he has resigned on his own free will, considering the hate campaign orchestrated by the FA against him.) Just to remind you that Terry is in the middle of a trial for supposedly racially abusing QPR’s defender Anton Ferdinand, brother of living legend Rio, during a match with Chelsea last October. He supposedly called Anton a f..king b…k c..t, and in case you’re wondering why I used ‘black’ as if it’s a swear word, well, that’s the word that got Terry into... 

John Terry Stripped Of England Captaincy. For Gross Misuse Of Foul Language

February 4, 2012

John Terry Stripped Of England Captaincy. For Gross Misuse Of Foul Language

R.F.Wilson writes from London: Big goings on in English football, in case you’ve missed the latest news. John Terry has been stripped of his captaincy of England by the Football Association yesterday, for gross misuse of foul language on the pitch. There were also concerns that Terry’s  ongoing trial on race abuse charges might take the shine off the national team that is expected to perform exceptionally well at Euro 2012 that will take place in Poland and Ukraine this summer. Terry, as you probably know, is accused of racially abusing QPR’s defender Anton Ferdinand, brother of living legend and stand-in England captain Rio, during a match at Loftus Road last October, allegedly calling him a ‘f..king black c..t’. Terry denies this and says that the words were taken out of context... 

Has Arsene Wenger Overstayed His Welcome At Arsenal? Looks Like It

February 1, 2012

Has Arsene Wenger Overstayed His Welcome At Arsenal? Looks Like It

R.F.Wilson writes from London: Look, I’m no big expert on football, although I personally believe that the game is no big deal and anyone can claim to be knowledgeable about it, but one thing I do know: if a top club doesn’t win any silverware for long spells of time, the manager has to go. Along with half of the players at least. No buts and ifs, just go. Yes, you’ve guessed it, I’m talking about Arsenal and its supposed outstanding manager, Arsene Wenger. If you listen to some of the die-hard supporters of the club you would hear that Mr Wenger, or Arsene as he’s usually called, is a genius who has managed to create a young team that is showing some top notch football. Many words would be said about his ability to spot young talents in other clubs, mostly overseas, and buy them... 

Trying To Love Sport. And Failing Miserably

January 26, 2012

Trying To Love Sport. And Failing Miserably

R.F.Wilson writes from London: I’ve made an enormous effort to love sport. Not just football or rugby or tennis but the whole bloody lot, including darts and snooker and even cricket and poker. (Yes, poker is now shown on TV sports channels). I have gone to pubs with my mates, to watch a game of football on the box, pretending to care who wins and making comments between the pints, to prove that I was a real fan and not some cissy who couldn’t to tell the difference between a goal kick and a goal. But I failed, people, I failed miserably. I didn’t care a bit about the result. In fact, I probably wouldn’t have been able to fake it even if they put a gun to my head and said: ‘Tell us that you love the beautiful game’. I would have probably said: ‘Shoot me, I can’t be bothered.’ The... 

How About Postponing The London Olympics Till Better Days?

January 9, 2012

How About Postponing The London Olympics Till Better Days?

R.F.Wilson writes from London: How about postponing the London Olympics till better days, when there would be money available to blow on useless sporting events that benefit admirers of obscure competitions, local officials and hookers and drug dealers mostly. Notice that I am not suggesting cancelling them altogether, for fear of upsetting all those devoted fans and the International Olympic Committee (IOC) that for some unknown reason carries way too much weight. Let’s face it, Britain simply doesn’t have the financial muscle to host the Olympic Games. Yes, sure, at the moment the official budget stands at £10 billion, with the bill for providing security suddenly increasing by $500 million all of a sudden recently, but in reality it’s going to be much higher. Take the recent hikes... 

Imagine A Live Commentary On The Radio. About People Having Sex

December 23, 2011

Imagine A Live Commentary On The Radio. About People Having Sex

Ben Delicious writes from London: Imagine how a live radio commentary about people having sex might sound on the airwaves: First Commentator (FC): Well, John, the big day has arrived. Freddy has finally found the strength and enthusiasm to satisfy his wife, Lucy, after a relatively uneventful start to their mating season. Second Commentator (SC): Yes, Ben, it hasn’t been a very good start to Freddy’s season. He’s been uninspiring in foreplay and his attacking patterns lacked enthusiasm and determination. Not to mention that he had a foreskin inflamation and couldn’t score for a while. FC: Totally agree with you on that, John, and I expect many of Freddy’s fans think exactly the same as you, because they want to hear about some real action in the bedroom, about... 

You Know What? F..k Sport And All That Comes With It!

December 4, 2011

You Know What? F..k Sport And All That Comes With It!

R.F.Wilson writes from London: You know what? F..k sport and all that comes with it, like meaningless sports news, endless sports coverage on the box, football and more bloody football and all those stupid interviews that sportsmen give that contain nothing of any relevance. And to hell with the hurt feelings of fans who are too thick to be interested in something worthwhile, getting all aggressive if you say a critical word about their favourite teams or players. It’s like some bloody mafia that is intimidating everyone who has no interest in sports. Look at what these football fans have done to Britain: Welsh national football team manager Gary Speed hangs himself and they turn their mourning into some sort of never ending ritual, as if he was a saint or something. No one is saying that... 

Would British Media Be Accusing Fifa Of Corruption If England Got To Host The 2018 World Cup?

November 16, 2011

Would British Media Be Accusing Fifa Of Corruption If England Got To Host The 2018 World Cup?

Ted Obvious writes from Zurich: Here’s a brain teaser for all you English football fans and hacks who like to brag about corruption in world football’s governing body Fifa: would you be at it now if England had won its bid last year to host the 2018 World Cup? I bet you wouldn’t, even though Fifa would be still the same dodgy organisation that awards tournaments through the ancient system of you scratch my back and I’ll scratch yours and all sorts of dodgy financial incentives. In fact, I can even imagine some of the British hack saying something like: ‘Sure, Fifa is not perfect, but who is these days. It’s the best system we can have, so no point complaining about it.’ No one’s saying that the decision to give Russia the 2018 World Cup and Qatar the 2022 tournament was straightforward,... 

What’s The Big Deal With Mike Tindall? All Great Athletes Get Drunk And Shag Groupies

November 15, 2011

What’s The Big Deal With Mike Tindall? All Great Athletes Get Drunk And Shag Groupies

Ted Obvious writes from London: What’s all the fuss surrounding Mike Tindall’s supposedly ‘bad behaviour’ during the recent rugby World Cup in New Zealand? The guy was fined 25 grand and dropped from the national squad for taking part in a piss-up and having a bit of clean honest fun with some blonde woman who just happened to be there. That is what rugby players do during big tournaments: get drunk, discuss the tactics for the next game and shag groupies. It’s part and parcel of what professional sport is all about. Zara Phillips, Mike’s wife and the Queen’s granddaughter, forgave him with no hesitation, knowing that any self-respecting athlete can’t afford be seen as a sissy, who sticks to a strict regime during international tournaments. The whole attraction... 

Enough Of This Endless Drivel About Players’ Injuries And Club Transfers

November 6, 2011

Enough Of This Endless Drivel About Players’ Injuries And Club Transfers

Ben Delicious writes from London: You know what? I’ll never ever even glance at anything written about the Premiership again. I’m really fed up with reading about players injuring themselves and missing matches. Yes, every bloody article about football nowadays seems to contain exhaustive information about hamstring or knee injuries that players ‘pick up’ during training or in a match. We’re told, in all the inglorious detail, how and where it happened and how many matches are going to be missed as a result, as if it’s some huge news and we would lose sleep if we don’t hear about it. Who cares about injuries? If footballers partied less, cutting down on all that booze and dope, they’d be much fitter and ‘pick up’ fewer injuries on the pitch and off it. And may have even... 

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